To think the MN answer for everything is counselling

[idontwanttogetoutofbed]

As though it's some magic fix?

Have you ever had counselling OP?

Demand your DP gets counselling immediately

People can be helped by counselling but there seems to be a theme that if you aren't magically fixed you can't possibly have "sought help"

Kimanda why are you assuming all therapists are 25-year-old recent graduates who live at home with their parents?? What a weird thing to say.

My psychoanalyst had a family of her own and, as well as having trained in psychoanalysis with the accredited association, had also done 3 masters in something like CBT, child therapy and grief (can't remember exactly). It's your responsibility to choose one who is highly qualified. Maybe they would have worked for you.

Also, I find it ridiculous to say they could only understand something they've been through themselves. Being highly trained and having empathy is more than enough. You're not supposed to sit and wallow together!

If you post on mumsnet for advice you are asking for the counsel of the masses, the difference being that mumsnet will give you advice on which path to take “in their opinion”.

The reason counselling does not work for some is because it does not offer guidance but allows you to explore your own feelings and come to conclusions based on this method.

I am not sure why the suggestion irks people so much. The people that ask of you have tried it probably realise that a bunch of strangers on the internet could not possibly console someone with complex mental health issues. If people are looking to mumsnet to provide this role they are looking in the wrong place. You mind find people who are going through the same emotions as you and that can provide comfort but like a PP has said, how can anyone possibly know that counselling has not worked it you do not specifically say so.

I agree OP.

Many people with low self-esteem, mental health problems, difficult work/partner/family/housing situations cannot afford counselling. So counselling isn't usually a viable solution.

Also, it puts the emphasis on the victim and takes it away from the perpetrator. And it addresses the symptoms and not the cause. If there were fewer bullies/unnecessary work stress etc in the world there would be a lot fewer people with mental health problems.

I usually read it as a poster acknowledging that they're out of their depth. I think it's fine to say, I do think it's a shame though if it puts the OP off sharing further. Sometimes you don't want to go and talk to a counsellor who'll nod safely and not react. Sometimes you want to have normal people bear witness and go "bloody hell, I don't know how you managed to get through that"

LifeBeginsAtGin I totally agree with you!!!

People post that theymay have issues from childhood or they might say they have been sexually abused but no one I have read has given the grizzly details of what happened to them. What the abuse was, how it was done, how often it happened and by whom. Or what their response to it was, what shame they feel. That is what a counsellor is for. Someone unrelated and non- judgemental. I think they are invaluable.

Many people with low self-esteem, mental health problems, difficult work/partner/family/housing situations cannot afford counselling. So counselling isn't usually a viable solution.
Except the NHS sometimes will refer, and there are charities who may help..people suggest a spa day or a cleaner ffs!, I don't think cost should be a reason not to mention its use.

Also, it puts the emphasis on the victim and takes it away from the perpetrator. And it addresses the symptoms and not the cause.
I think you're bringing your own baggage in there! Much counseling is not about victims and perpetrators, its a massive assumption so assume that a person seeking counselling must be some sort of victim.
And someone HAS been the victim in a specific event, its a bit silly to suggest the focus should be on the perpetrator, so no support for the victim

Also, it puts the emphasis on the victim and takes it away from the perpetrator. And it addresses the symptoms and not the cause. If there were fewer bullies/unnecessary work stress etc in the world there would be a lot fewer people with mental health problems.

Er, ok... With all due respect, I don't think you have a clue about how therapy or life works!

OP it sounds like you are holding some antagonism towards councelling and therapy in general, have you thought about why this is?
Perhaps you have a reluctance to talk because you don't feel heard.

It could be helpful to talk to someone about this have you considered councelling to work through your issues?

If someone has multiple 10's of 1000's of pounds worth of debt, and is struggling to support his family, and is on the brink of bankruptcy, and it's making him seriously low and depressed, I fail to see how chatting to a 25 year old (fresh from completing a psychology course at uni,)' who still lives with their parents, can help

Agreed, but if they post on Mumsnet about debt, they won't get told to go and see a counsellor. Mumsnetters have excellent advice to offer on debt management, what not to do, what charities (StepChange and others) to approach and so on. These can literally change lives when you in a debt spiral. If anyone is in debt, this is actually a good place to come where you'll get lots of high quality advice and links, not trite stuff about spa days and counsellors.

Similarly, if people have had relationship break-downs, or some kind of trauma or loss in their lives, unless someone has been through the same thing, they have no CLUE what the person is going through

I work in a NHS Psychodynamic psychotherapy clinic. You clearly have no CLUE about therapy and what its designed to do.

Well it's not cheap, does anyone ever think of that, and the waiting list on n h s is long

I was thinking about MN today as I was having some training in how to approach asking people if they have experienced domestic violence. It is a subject that comes up regularly on here and women are talking very candidly about their potentially dangerous home situations. People posting on here and responding to distressing posts are not trained in the options or how to assess the risk to women experiencing gender based violence and abuse.

So if some posts resort to clichéd responses in order to register concern, or share something that helped them I am not offended by that. It is natural to want to offer a solution, even if it seems pointless or wrong headed. If MN was a panel of experts then it would be reasonable to hold the advice offered up to scrutiny and challenge their effectiveness. But as this is a chat based forum which offers anonymity and the chance to air your dirty laundry... I don't get the issue. Anyone who comes on here risks being given bad advice.

I was thinking about MN as my particular role is to be completely non judgemental, listen, validate their experience and offer options, to help clients find sources of help and support. It would be very interesting if the MN chat fora suddenly started providing the advice service I work for.

Some people who have been through trauma don't seek counselling and usually nothing fixes you after being through something traumatic you just learn to cope better.

I've had a fair bit of trauma myself and a fair bit of counselling but I've spoken to many people who have been through similar who won't even consider it. Sometimes it's good to hear that someone who has been through similar benefitted. As you said though it is not a fix.

Well it's not cheap, does anyone ever think of that, and the waiting list on n h s is long

Depends where you are. Our departments waiting list for a psychotherapy assessment is 12 weeks, once assessment is complete I can see a patient with 2 weeks normally. I am in Scotland.

Money worries? Get a credit card.

I had always raised an eyebrow at these suggestions in my early years on mumsnet, but actually now have experienced crisis and clawed my way out of it with the help of an incredible psychologist who used a mix of cbt and other methods. I was “lucky” to get this level of support (less lucky to be suicidal which is why I had it). Previously I was unimpressed with the telephone counselling my GP offered which was basically someone with a GCSE in counselling studies reeling of platitudes. But actual sessions with a real psychologist were amazing, and I feel like a much stronger more self aware person now. I finally found the strength to leave an abusive relationship,

So YABU and YANBU.... crappy platitudes would be a waste of time for anyone dealing with major trauma etc, but I do wish everyone who is really struggling was able to access time with a decent psychologist. I wish I had had that choice long before I reached crisis.

Sorry, wrong thread!

In the nhs you only usually get 8 sessions of cbt which doesn’t scratch the surface!

It's how harsh people are which gets me but they wouldn't say it in real life.
I just find online people judge really easily and then they beat others down. But I agree OP. Counselling can help. But not for some. But I guess people struggle for what to say