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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifts for kids wwyd?

115 replies

Spicylolly · 22/03/2018 22:45

Multiple choice wwyd.

Background: DD year 9, to get to school its 15/20 min walk (uphill) to the station, 10/15min train ride and then a 15/20 min walk (uphill) to the school. And obviously vice versa back home but always usually picked up from home station as fits in with parents work pattern & and are nearby/passing.
Lift to school isn't really an option, too far away and sibling is at a local primary school, they leave about 45 mins later to drop them off. Parent leaves for work about 9.30am/10.00am ish

A) Always drive them to the first station, that's a long walk either end.

B) Drive them to the first station if the weather is nasty, otherwise walking is fine.

C) Never drive them to the first station, they are at secondary school now.

D) Drive them occasionally but make sure they earn it/know it's because of good behaviour

E) Drive them all the way to the school gates and arrange alternate arrangements for the other younger child. (Just threw that in for fun...no one is that mad to to do that surely!? Lol)

F) They should walk to AND from the home town station they are 14 now regardless of how far they have to walk either end.

Interested to hear your thoughts 🙂

OP posts:
backsackcraic · 23/03/2018 07:30

F

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 23/03/2018 07:33

I would probably do A for an easy life as assume you would only be out of the house for about 10 mins so not a huge inconvenience

joystir59 · 23/03/2018 07:34

Never had a lift anywhere as a child/teenager. Walked 20 mins to junior school. Senior school involved 10 minutes walk/1 hour bus ride/10 minute walk. Every school day from age 11 to 18.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 23/03/2018 07:40

What's wrong with driving them occasionally, because it's just a nice thing to do and they are your kids?
Yes, theycan walk, but we all like a lift from time to time.

They do have a lift in the evening, so it's not that bad if they walk a bit in the morning. I would be more concerned about much time they waste commuting if they didn't. It's not great if your kid waste at least 1 hour whilst their friends spend that hour doing a sport or a hobby, or doing their homework. Walking in the morning is fine.

Laiste · 23/03/2018 07:43

A.

I'm a soft touch.

BeyondThePage · 23/03/2018 07:52

2 teens at different schools with walk/bus/walk here

Youngest gets lift to school as it is on way to work. (eldest used to go to that school and got a lift, but decided she wanted to do 6th form elsewhere, so agreed - in advance - to make her own travel arrangements)

  • eldest gets lift to bus stop IF SHE IS READY by 7.40 (it is an additional separate journey and the usual chain of events dictates timing), otherwise she walks to the bus stop and could be late.
TempusEejit · 23/03/2018 07:55

A or B. Definitely not linked to behaviour, that's awful. Every time you walked you'd feel like you weren't good enough.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/03/2018 08:00

A

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 23/03/2018 08:00

A) Always drive her to the first station - she still has a train ride and a 15-20 minute walk to do the other end, which is as much as or more than most secondary school children have.

Who chose the school? Is it the most local to you?

You have to take some responsibility for putting her in the position of having a 45 minute to 1 hour 3 part commute twice per day.

Lots of working adults would seek other arrangements (learn to drive or look for another job, or even move) rather than spend 2 hours per day commuting. Lots do commute for that length of time, but an adult has far more control over whether they choose to accept that or look elsewhere.

If you decided to send her to a school with this commute rather than one ten minutes walk down the road, or you heavily pushed the choice of that school to her and, being ten at the time the school was chosen, she was swept along, then drive her to the first station!

Is she walking on her own? Do other local kids go to the same school?

Yes, she's 14 and doesn't need driving door to door, but that commute is fairly long and if you live a 15 minute walk from a train station you are highly unlikely to be genuinely rural, therefore it seems likely that you chose for her to go to this school knowing about the travel component

D is a shitty option - my parents did that, but they chose to live in the middle of nowhere with no transport, and send me to an out of area school meaning all my friends were a half hour or longer car drive away. Putting your kid in a position where they are dependent on lifts or where they have a more onerous than normal journey to school without a lift part of the way, then making them earn the lift is shitty parenting.

swivelchair · 23/03/2018 08:05

That's exactly what my journey was (I could knock some time off in summer when the fields weren't muddy, or if it was frozen in winter).

There was no lift to be had for me (dad took the train too, but earlier, and mum doesn't have a driving license), I don't feel bad about it - in fact there were some really nice days walking across the fields (and some scary ones when an aggressive horse joined the field), but it was fine - as long as you're dressed for the weather, walking in the cold/wet isn't terrible.

So I'd go with B, but wouldn't feel terrible about F, because I did it, and don't feel that I was hard done by or that it was particularly arduous and unreasonable.

swivelchair · 23/03/2018 08:07

if you live a 15 minute walk from a train station you are highly unlikely to be genuinely rural

That's not true - plenty of villages have a train station where I am, and a primary school if they're one of the big ones.

Rylanmakesmyheartsmile · 23/03/2018 08:09

For me it would depend on what time they have to leave at in the morning, and would also likely change winter-summer as the mornings got lighter.

When I was in secondary we had a 20/25min walk to the station in home town, 30min train journey, then 25/30min walk to school (uphill on way to school, downhill on way home) and the same in the afternoon.

DM drove us to the station in the morning because train was at 7.30am so would have been a VERY early start if we'd had to walk, but otherwise we did the rest ourselves regardless of the weather. We left the house at 7.20am and got home around 5pm in the afternoon.

If we had after school activities then occasionally DDad would collect us on his way home - particularly in winter when it was dark, or if we had another activity in the evening at home - not always though.

If it was absolutely pissing down DM VERY occasionally picked us up from station in the afternoon but as we lived in NI where it rains daily - it took a lot for it to be deemed too wet to walk! The smell of wet wool blazer permeated our house for years. 😂

I agree with PP that it sets a good precedent to incorporate daily walks into your DD's commute now and will stand her in good stead later in life if that's her norm.

I also think occasionally offering lifts out of the goodness of your heart is no bad thing however so if you know she has a test she is particularly worried about, or she's been under the weather, or she's just been a lovely teenager for a few days then it's a nice reminder that you do actually like to spend time with her and are willing to go out of your way for her.

Ragwort · 23/03/2018 08:09

A

My DS has a 35 min walk to school and I usually give him a lift most days, it suits my schedule as I can either go straight to work (p/t hours but with flexibility to start when I want) or do a bit of shopping.

He usually walks home but if I can I will pick him up on occasions - it's 'nice to be nice' and he washes my car in return Grin.

formerbabe · 23/03/2018 08:10

20 minutes uphill doesn't sound much fun to me...I'd probably offer a lift most days

EasterBunBun · 23/03/2018 08:11

B - no hills were involved in our case though, in which case I may have gone for A. She did a couple of after school sports and music activities which fitted in well for me to pick up from school, otherwise it left little time for homework on those days.

canihaveyourstupidhat · 23/03/2018 08:12

I'd be inclined to give them a lift to the station in the morning, but make them walk all the way home after school. Mornings are the worst part of the day and if there's a small gesture that makes them easier for my kids I'll do it.

(I'd actually consider doing E if my kids had as much trouble with mornings as I did when I was a teenager. I would not have gone to school if it took me that long to get there.)

cheminotte · 23/03/2018 08:12

B or F. I agree with PP, it’s ‘kinder’ to teach self reliance than be giving lifts all the time.

Mydoghatesthebath · 23/03/2018 08:14

A if you can give her a lift why not? Always find it strange when posters say why would you drive them. I mean if you can why wouldn’t you?

Kintan · 23/03/2018 08:17

B - why not try to make thing easier if you can!

Ragwort · 23/03/2018 08:18

So long as the DS is able/capable to walk occasionally I don't see why you wouldn't give a lift to the station.

If this was a wife instead of a child and the husband was at home (not specifically looking after tiny babies) surely people would think he was mean not to give his wife a lift?

DonaldWeasley · 23/03/2018 08:19

I’d give a lift to the station, if you have any feeing like your older daughter resent this situation. Setting off for the day feeling like your parents help you when they can is a good feeling.

Fishlaar · 23/03/2018 08:19

B

The walks aren't that long.

Snowsnake · 23/03/2018 08:20

How on earth have you ended up in that situation..what has changed ?

thegreylady · 23/03/2018 08:20

A preferably but B definitely (at least).

Jinglebells99 · 23/03/2018 08:22

My dd has a similar commute as this. I always drive her to the first station. I sometimes drive her all the way. If she’s staying late at school, or has a long wait for the train, like on Fridays when they finish early, I drive over and pick her up (23 mins each way) . I quite enjoy the drive though, as it’s a pleasant rural route, nice scenery, and it’s nice to chat in the car on the way back.