To think that no one is as dumb as me?

[Babababababybel14]

When I was about 11 I decided to bleach my hair. This was before the internet. So I thought bleaching your hair meant exactly that. As in the stuff you put down the loo. So I poured half a bottle of bleach on my head. Screamed the house down and had to be carted off to a and e. Very painful burns for weeks.
No one can beat that level of idiocy

frequency

That made me laugh.

Don't remember how old I was, but about 9 or 10. I had an electronics kit and had made myself a little battery operated lamp which I kept in my homemade bedside table (a cardboard box, with a cardboard shelf, and a curtain strung across the front). One night, I wanted to do some illicit reading, so reached into the bedside table and fumbled around for the lamp, when I felt something sticky. I automatically tasted what was on my fingers. The battery had leaked, and I licked the battery acid! It wasn't very pleasant.

Not very long ago I decided to put my hand under the flow of water from our jet washer. It nearly ripped my fingers off! I'm an intelligent person normally, I have no idea what I was thinking.

I pierced two holes in each ear using an heavy duty stapler when I was 13.

My DM was always well known for trying to do ten things at once and in our kitchen there was an electric socket half way up the wall into which she would plug an adaptor and then plug several appliances in at once. One day she had been ironing, went to remove the plug but it wouldn't budge so she dug it out of the socket with a metal can opener whereupon she got an electric shock and was thrown to the other side of the kitchen. Fortunately she survived unharmed but it wasn't her brightest moment.

Her second dumb moment was when she had done a pile of washing and was feeding it through the mangle to remove excess water, only on one occasion she also fed her arm through the mangle up to her elbow.

My own stupidity was falling twice whilst reaching to put fat ball feeders in the tree in my garden, resulting in broken bones, the first time I was in hospital on traction for eight weeks, the second was more recent, I'm now out of hospital and sitting here with a brace as I have broken a bone in my knee and can only hop on one leg. But at least I've learned my lesson, birds now only get food on the lawn

I accidentally put toilet bleach on my hair as an adult-no A and E, but hair orange enough to make Sun In weep

(tbf, it was overseas, so different bottle to here, and some other fucker left it in the shower next to the conditioner )

Oh, and staying in a hotel recently, I thought I had got a shock from the exposed wires on a lamp - so touched it again to make sure

There's no upper age limit on rank idiocy

My MIL once put a pie in the microwave from 45 minutes. Like it was an ordinary oven. First - and last- thing she ever cooked in it. Fire engine and everything.

My it i I g board once collapsed and I tried to catch the hot iron with my hands. Another one here who lost fingerprints for a while.

ironing board...obviously it affected my typing ability too

@tolerable I don’t understand.. that sounds sensible?!

I frequently get annoyed that I can’t find my phone and moan at my DH that I can’t find it.. while on the phone to him.

@ MyKingdomForBrie... it does eh(please dont ever mistake me for that!l lol) Apparently it is an earth wire something to do with...erm electricity?/standard place for it... apparently

At 18 i put hot melted wax on my lady bits to wax the hair off. My god it hurt and the blistered lasted for ages. I’ve never waxed down there since.

My dad turned the toaster on the side and put burgers in it...

I kicked a plant with my bare foot to see if it was a nettle.

It was a nettle.

I once grew a massive harvest of chilli peppers and needed to dry them to make them last.
I put them in the microwave for 5 minutes, thinking I was so smart, until I opened the door. I'd inadvertently turned my kitchen into a teargas chamber. Kids, husband and guests staying with us weren't amused.

when i had a guest house i realised that the chocolate mint gateaux that was for dessert was still frozen so i put it in the microwave to defrost cue one totally melted cake and one hell of a mess in the microwave, and fruit and ice cream for dessert for my guests

I have never shared this story, but I think I might just win with it...

Years ago my husband was in the Navy. He had been gone for some time and was due back on a Wednesday. So I decided to surprise him and de-fuzz myself, well, pretty much from the moustache down. Tuesday evening I had bought my hair removal cream and was ready to go.

Now, it did say on the bottle to do a patch test first but I decided to skip that bit. I also decided to skip the bit where you wipe a small patch to see how it's working, and because I was criminally stupid, I also decided my hair was much thicker than this stuff was used to and I'd need to have it on longer...

The smell was disgusting. Then I started to noticed I felt a burning sensation. I soldiered on though!

Let's jump to the bit where I spent the night, naked, spread eagled on top of the bed, covered with cool clothes and with a fan directed to my very red skin.

I had to wear loose clothes for days and couldn't even go out because my top lip was so red it glowed in the dark.

The romantic homecoming was me lying there saying "don't touch me!"

love this thread. i have a stove top whistle kettle(nobody that lives here are tea/coffee type)for some reason it upsets my mum. so she arrived and announced i had a new kettle. once out the box i was surprised to see was whistle type.shoulda investigated further and id have noticed the pug and base part..nope- too late, id put it right on the gas
also ds1 onetime had the fantastic idea of microwaving the icecream scoop as wanted to avoid cooking the icecream like last time.the metal silvery shiny ice cream scoop. and then had the damn cheek to shout at me for throwing the full microwave flames n all onto the back step cos we looked like schemies..(its no like i left it there and added a matress.lol)

~plug

When I was a kid I tried to hatch an egg from the fridge by sitting on it in under the covers in my parents bed because at school they said eggs had to be incubated and kept warm in order to hatch. It just splattered over the pillow so I went and got another one and tried to put less of my weight on it but the same thing happened. I felt really bad because I thought I’d killed two chicks.

It actually wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I found out that the supermarket eggs are unfertilised and it would never have worked anyway.

Went into M&Co. Chose a skirt, went to the changing room. Tried the skirt on, the button shot off and out of the changing room. Tried on 4 skirts with "defective" buttons before it dawned on me I was too damned fat for that size....

Or. How about the time I spent a couple of hours arguing with my mother because she said our new kitten was male when I could clearly see it had nipples. Then she went completely mad and asked if I'd ever seen my dad or brothers without a shirt on...like that had anything to do with it!?! She laughed about that for years.

We had mice in the garden so my parents left a spray bottle of watered down rat poison in the shed. They did
tell us what it was but I had forgotten and thought it was water and sprayed it in my mouth. I then realised when it tasted funny and didn't tell anyone as I didn't want to look stupid.

Luckily I was fine.

I had a Spy filofax when I was about ten, pre-internet! it had instructions on how to disguise yourself as an old lady, which was basically put talcum powder in your hair, draw some lines on your face and stoop. I was genuinely astonished my parents recognised me, I followed every step!