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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think he is crazy and end this relationship?

99 replies

DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 17:23

Picking my kids up from school one day and a man I dated for 6 months about 11 years ago said hello to me. He must have moved to the area.

My current partner was with me and said who is that so I said someone I dated before I had the kids.

After that we saw him once more and then I never saw him again.

My current partner whenever he comes to the school with me tends to wait across the road with the dog, he always says that he has seen him. I say he must be mistaken because I haven't seen him since.

Anyway today he went to collect the kids for me because I am not feeling well.
He says oh I saw your ex, I took a photo to prove it. When he got home the picture was not my ex so at some point he has obviously got confused.

Anyway he has caused a big row saying I have lied to him and I did say that that man was my ex. I googled my actual ex to show him and he got a right cob on bevaise I wanted to look him up.

So

A) How could I lie when the only reason the man was brought up is because he said hello to me. Therefore I couldn't pretend that it was someone else.

B) why on earth would I lie about it anyway? For what purpose?

C) why does it matter! We dated for 6 months more than a decade ago. It's really totally a non issue.

So AIBU to just end this relationship. I don't have the energy to argue over stupid things any more I am looking the will to live!

OP posts:
willynillypie · 22/03/2018 19:00

LOL that he took a pic and it wasn't even your ex!! What a fail!! I agree that you should go and try to get holiday rebooked/break up with him. Sounds very stalkery and jealous

YearOfYouRemember · 22/03/2018 19:01

You've said yourself he's not a reasonable person and that's enough to dump even without all the shit. And even if he was a virgin before he met you, or you were JIC, that's irrelevant.

ILoveAntButHateDec · 22/03/2018 19:04

He sounds a bit hnhinged. Time to call it a day and move on OP.

Re your holiday. I agree with others. Contact the hotel and ask to be moved to a sister hotel. Much easier. Good Luck! 🍀

RosaRosaRose · 22/03/2018 19:04

He sounds like a future nightmare. Glad you've decided to drop him, there is a huge indication of abusive behaviour. If you can change the dates, I'd say do that. If not, get the sister hotel and make sure he doesn't know which one it is. Then enjoy your holiday!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/03/2018 19:05

FWIW there is no way in hell I would plan to be trapped for a week in a foreign country with this absolute weirdo. I know you will lose money but he sounds really scary TBF. I just wouldn’t take the risk. Especially not with my kids there. He will use their presence to pressure you into spending time with him. You won’t want to cause a scene infront of them. If you can’t change your hotel or dates then I really wouldn’t go.

ArchchancellorsHat · 22/03/2018 19:06

It took you an hour to get him out of the flat after a completely made up row over nothing? Run fast and far - can you swap the holiday to something else?

eddielizzard · 22/03/2018 19:06

bin now and sort out the holiday. why put yourself through more weeks of torture and a crap holiday???

MyOtherProfile · 22/03/2018 19:09

Dump him and go on your holiday. Ignore him.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 19:10

I paid extra for flexibook with Thomas cook so should be able to change it provided it's not too short notice.

Glad everyone doesn't think I anything petty, blowing it out of all proportion.

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/03/2018 19:10

See if you can swap to the sister hotel, or change dates.
Dump his sorry arse.

blaaake · 22/03/2018 19:11

Dump him and enjoy your holiday at the hotel you originally booked. If he goes, he'll look like a sad twat on his own at a family resort and you can laugh at him.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/03/2018 19:13

I would probably go on the holiday tbh.

He might not go.

If he does, you can tell him in advance that he even approaches you and the first thing you'll do when you get to the hotel is point him out to the staff and tell them that that man was on the same plane out, he's known to you and was harassing you and could they please assist you in keeping him away from you and your children?

He'll have a pretty miserable time on his own and with hotel security keeping a beady eye on him.

DarkDarkNight · 22/03/2018 19:14

No you're definitely not blowing things out of proportion. It's obsessive behaviour. Does he really expect you to have no past?

FizzyGreenWater · 22/03/2018 19:15

If you do have anyone that could take his ticket, you could offer to pay him for it - pointing out that his other option is as above - have a miserable time on holiday on his own being kept away from you by hotel heavies.

ArchchancellorsHat · 22/03/2018 19:15

Definitely not petty - I've never heard of flexibook but really glad it's an option for you. He's unhinged, you're doing the right thing.

kimanda · 22/03/2018 19:17

Your partner sounds like an unhinged needy control freak.

That behaviour would REALLY freak me out.

BewareOfDragons · 22/03/2018 19:17

He sounds exhausting and controlling. An HOUR to tell him he couldn't come back and spend the night at YOUR house in YOUR bed?

Fuck that!

Change your bookings so you're not staying in the hotel he is booked into. Tell the people you book with and the new hotel that under NO circumstances are they to give out your details or confirm/deny your staying there for anybody except you. Put a password on your account with them that the person calling must know to get information.

Tell him he's no longer welcome on your holiday. Tell him you have changed your destination. Pack up his things and tell them they're outside waiting for him.

It takes 2 to be in a relationship, and you've decided you're done, so you're done.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 19:23

Well flexibook is valid until 8 days before so just browsing other hotels in the same destination. There are loads of water park hotels there so we will be able to find something just as good.

We have booked through different tour operators so we wouldn't even be on the same transfer anyway so he wouldn't know which hotel we have gone to.

Would it be terrible of me to leave him on his own in a foreign country? He has never been abroad before. Obviously it's his choice of he decided to go anyway.

I can't get anyone to take the holiday over, it's too short notice to find the cash.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 22/03/2018 19:28

Dump him then it's his choice to go abroad or not. Not your issue, and not at all terrible of you!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/03/2018 19:29

Would it be terrible of me to leave him on his own in a foreign country?

Well that’s not what is happening is it?? if he goes he will be choosing to holiday alone. Lots of people do that. If he does, that’s entirely his choice. You have no responsibility to him. Seriously, don’t start with that kind of talk. You’re wavering already.

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 22/03/2018 19:33

Hills are thata way >>>>> 🌄 RUN!!!

LanguidLobster · 22/03/2018 19:33

No Dextro, you do need to tell him beforehand (like now) that he's not included in a family holiday because of his behaviour, but if he decided to be on his own in a foreign country that's his decision.

Ruffian · 22/03/2018 19:34

Tell him the holiday is off so he won't end up going on his own and hopefully you'll have been able to rearrange to a different place. Or are you able to switch to October? Might be more enjoyable for your dc then since your health isn't great at the moment?

Sounds like he's got some mental health issues to have that level of suspicious/obsession It's sad but it isn't your problem to deal with and you need to put yourself and your dc first.

Juells · 22/03/2018 19:40

Change locks.

PositivelyPERF · 22/03/2018 19:41

I would make the changes but tell him you e cancelled your holiday. With a bit of luck he will cancel, but if he doesn’t, at least he’ll be in a different hotel.