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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think he is crazy and end this relationship?

99 replies

DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 17:23

Picking my kids up from school one day and a man I dated for 6 months about 11 years ago said hello to me. He must have moved to the area.

My current partner was with me and said who is that so I said someone I dated before I had the kids.

After that we saw him once more and then I never saw him again.

My current partner whenever he comes to the school with me tends to wait across the road with the dog, he always says that he has seen him. I say he must be mistaken because I haven't seen him since.

Anyway today he went to collect the kids for me because I am not feeling well.
He says oh I saw your ex, I took a photo to prove it. When he got home the picture was not my ex so at some point he has obviously got confused.

Anyway he has caused a big row saying I have lied to him and I did say that that man was my ex. I googled my actual ex to show him and he got a right cob on bevaise I wanted to look him up.

So

A) How could I lie when the only reason the man was brought up is because he said hello to me. Therefore I couldn't pretend that it was someone else.

B) why on earth would I lie about it anyway? For what purpose?

C) why does it matter! We dated for 6 months more than a decade ago. It's really totally a non issue.

So AIBU to just end this relationship. I don't have the energy to argue over stupid things any more I am looking the will to live!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 22/03/2018 18:07

If I were you, I'd end the relationship asap. The longer it goes on for, the harder it will be to get rid of him.

inamechangedforthispost · 22/03/2018 18:08

If he has booked separately to you, will you just be in the same place at the same time or are you sharing accommodation?

Original poster
DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 18:12

Just the same place at the same time but each have our own accommodation.
We would be on the same flights though.

OP posts:
Tenementfunster · 22/03/2018 18:17

Take the hit. The sooner you get rid of this pathetic man child the better.

PositivelyPERF · 22/03/2018 18:21

Contact the hotel and ask if they can change your accommodation or even the hotel. They may own kids than one. And can I also say. Well done! 🏆

LanguidLobster · 22/03/2018 18:23

Have you spoken to him about the hols?

It doesn't sound like it would work out if the children are there and you're starting to want to detach from him.

I guess I'd have a talk to him first as it would be stalkerish and controlling if he wanted to come along after you'd stated you didn't think it would work.

AnyFucker · 22/03/2018 18:27

Get shut. He's a fucking weirdo.

And don't cancel ypur holiday. Tell him he is no longer welcome.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 18:28

That is a brilliant idea, I know the hotel does have a sister hotel. The one we have booked has a water park in it but I know there is a shuttle bus betwewn the two.

@Languid I know how it will go if I speak to him. It took me a good hour to convince him that he can't just come back and stay at my house tonight against my wishes. He is not a reasonable person.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 22/03/2018 18:32

Dextro I think you have answered your question yourself!

He sounds far too pushy, hope you can enjoy a nice holiday with your little ones without his hassle

branstonbaby · 22/03/2018 18:38

Oh my! Get rid, get rid, get rid. Life is too short for that ridiculousness.

Thank goodness you found out after only 18 months!

Don't cancel your holiday...

(Out of interest, why did you book separate accommodation for you and the kids, and him?)

PositivelyPERF · 22/03/2018 18:39

If you do get it changed, don’t tell him, in case he follows you.

Original poster
DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 18:40

I had already booked for me and the kids, he just decided to tag along a few months ago. We were going to ask the hotel for interconnecting rooms before we go.

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 22/03/2018 18:41

Run. Run fast, run now, run until you can run no more...

Causing a row over a misunderstanding is not a good sign.

WineAndTiramisu · 22/03/2018 18:41

Definitely get rid of him, he'll be 10x worse in a few years...

Don't cancel the holiday, could you ask to change dates? Or just go and hope ex doesn't turn up, if he does, ignore him!

ReanimatedSGB · 22/03/2018 18:42

Can you afford to refund him his holiday costs? If so, do that. If you can't, and you think he is likely to show up and make a pest of himself, it's worth considering whether the holiday resort has a good/bad reputation for violence against women - and do you speak the local language? Because what you don't want is the resort staff/police thinking you are making a fuss or being unkind if you have to report that the man is harassing you, while he insists that he is your partner and you are a silly woman who doesn't know her own mind...

inamechangedforthispost · 22/03/2018 18:42

If you dump him do you still think he would go?

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/03/2018 18:46

Shock he took a photo of a stranger to prove to you that he saw him at the school?? To what end? What did he think you were going to say other than “Confused oh, okaaaay”? Why did he think he needed to prove your ex was af the school? Why did it matter?

Original poster
DextroDependant · 22/03/2018 18:48

I am 95% sure that he would go regardless.

I can't change dates because I am booked in for an OP 3 days after we get back. I have been on the waiting list for 10 so don't want to put it off.

Unless I can change it for October half term Instead.

So my options are

Ask Thomas Cook to change dates (could be too short notice?)

Try and swap to the sister hotel.

Go as planned and ignore him if he turns up. I don't think he would create a scene in public.

Grin and bear him for a few more weeks and dump after the holiday.

Tie him up and leave him in the corner of a pyramid. Taking his passport home with.

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 22/03/2018 18:49

Obviously everyone has 'weird' moments but if you spent an hour convincing him to go from your home recently that's not right. I'd spend 5 minutes before I started thinking something was extremely off.

I'd talk to him and say you're not comfortable about the holiday and speak to the hotel as well, just in case.

LanguidLobster · 22/03/2018 18:52

God Dextro..( I posted after you did) in that case I'd speak to travel agents tomorrow, finish with him ASAP, and get it rebooked for a better time

ReanimatedSGB · 22/03/2018 18:52

TBH probably best just to go on your holiday and ignore the bellend if he appears. If he tries to make a pest of himself, just announce loudly that this is your ex-boyfriend and everyone is welcome to point and laugh at him...

TempusFugitive · 22/03/2018 18:53

He sounds obsessed

Emmageddon · 22/03/2018 18:56

Go as planned, and completely ignore him.

Ellie56 · 22/03/2018 18:58

He sounds a twat. Go on holiday as planned.Maybe you can ask to swap rooms if you are near him. Have you booked your seats on the plane?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/03/2018 18:59

You’d be MAD to consider staying with him.

He’s a jealous controlling twat now, he’ll only get worse.

Do you have any stuff at his place?

End it. Get your locks changed. Tell him to stay away from you.

Find out from where he booked it if it’s theoretically possible to pay to change names for flights & accomodation, if it is, find a friend/Mum/sibling who wants to come and pay for the name change & expenses.

If not, I’d get it all moved to another date.

You need to completely separate & move on.

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