With comments on my baby's skin colour?

[MrsNjie]

So I'm White British and my husband is Black African. We've recently had a baby and during pregnancy I received constant comments such as "your baby will be beautiful" "oh mixed race babies are so gorgeous".
Now he's here we get "your baby is very white" "I love his colour" "I wonder if his colour will change" and so on.

AIBU to find this very strange and a bit rude? As if all babies are not beautiful because they're just white or just black? Would you comment on a child's skin colour who wasn't mixed? I can't get my head around the obsession.

Well I always knew he was a bright boy Kew
He should be at Uni by the time he is 7

I do think mixed race babies are beautiful, and they make me go slightly gooey! I really hope that doesn't make me rude, it's a personal opinion and one I don't air, just how I think chubby babies or babies with lots of hair are extra adorable.
There's a woman at my daughters gymnastics with the most beautiful enchanting kids I've ever seen! I'd never comment on specific skin colour as that does seem really ignorant, in fact I wouldn't comment about a child's race at all, just that they are beautiful.

My current partner is mixed race. I already have 3 children with my exH, when someone asked would we be having children together I said, No, I have enough.

Their reply.... But you haven't got a brown one.

I would assume they are interested in the wonder of genetics than any thing more sinister

This.

My bff always gets comments on her kids skin colour. She is mixed race with wavy dark hair, her dh is white with dark hair. Her ds's skin tone is a couple of shades darker than hers and he has black, ringlet curl hair. Her dd is white with blue eyes and almost white blond ringlets. I find it fascinating tbh.

Yanbu..... something about a baby seems to open the floodgates, people seem to think it’s okay to comment on anything and everything.... :P

I am automatically attracted to brown babies but that is since I had my own. I think its more to do with recognising features you already love rather than 'awww brahn baby' type thing.

That isn't to say I don't like white babies. I love babies altogether. I am soppy for them. All flavours

I am only slight hinting to DS1 about grandchildren. Just a tiny bit. His GF is mixed race but you really wouldn't know it. Genetics are amazing. I genuinely find it interesting and quite like talking about it.
How all mine have different skin tones, eyes and hair for example. How you just never know how the different races will combine. I do think its beautiful. As long as we are not holding one thing as superior I don't think its a bad think

People often comment on whatever is 'different' about a baby, be that unusual hair colour, eye colour, skin colour etc.

It's not something to always take offense to, unless it is said with malice.

People often comment on the looks of my children, ask where they are from, from which parent they got their unusual features. I just see it as people trying to make conversation.

There are so many drawbacks to being a minority in a majority white society. And being mixed race is even more unusual with additional complex issues related to identity and self-image. So I think people are, subconsciously, just trying to reassure you that there are many wonderful benefits for your child. In case you have any doubts or concerns yourself. It's clumsy but well intentioned I think.

Genetics fascinate me! My 3 dds all have very different coloured eyes (brown, blue, green), different skin tones and different coloured hair.. yet they all look really alike at the same time! (All with dh)

I don't think it's rude to think a mixed race child is beautiful, but it's weird and rude to comment on their 'shade' of skin.. what is wrong with some people?

MrsDV I agree. Mine is mixed and I think it’s fascinating. He’s light skinned with chocolate hair and beautiful dark eyes that literally sparkle.

I love mixed kids, they are so diverse and unique.

It is tedious. But those ideas have stemmed from somewhere. They do have, to varying degrees a foundation in truth. Many black men are accused of 'selling out' once they become successful and pursue white women. Look at how many black footballers, of which there are many, or black male actors or whatever you'd consider 'successful' black males with white women.

i do think people like who they like; but we cannot deny the underlying themes of having a 'white' woman is something of a status symbol for black males.

It's a very loaded issue. Mixed race people often being left wondering who they really are as they're not black enough for xyz but they're not white enough for abc. It's a very damaging pervasive attitude and I do think it has changed since I was a child. But the ripples are still there.

I was once asked by a colleague whether "I'd go black or white in the end". I found this hugely offensive.

In fact, I watched a video from cut on YouTube 'people guess who is white in a lineup' (terrible title and probably terrible idea, I know) but it was so interesting to watch, and find out about each of their genetic make up and how different they all looked! One guy was very pale tall and ginger with freckles but he was mixed race with a white mum and black dad.
Sometimes it's curiosity rather than ignorance.

Occasionally get this with my olive skinned children. It the comments are not offensive, I’m not offended I’m the slightest. Who doesn’t like being told how beautiful their kids are? I do think mixed race children are often very beautiful - genetic diversity I suppose.

But can't we say that about any pejorative stereotype Vald?
My OH shouldn't have to concern himself that Jim was once mugged by a coloured fella and I shouldn't have to deal with the fact that rich white women enjoyed the thrill of shagging the black pool boy in the 1970s

I am being glib and I do understand the issues around this but I am too old to want to apologise for a relationship that has spanned three decades and produced five beautiful children.

Where me and OH come from there is no 'marrying up' by having a white wife. Well not a white working class one for sure. We met in 1989 and even back then in our area it was perfectly normal to be in an interracial relationship.
I would qualify that with 'an interracial relationship between a West Indian man and a white British woman'
Black women got a lot of stick if they were with a white man and Asian/Indian women or men didn't date outside their race.

Me and OH are very normal and boring.

I was once asked by a colleague whether "I'd go black or white in the end". I found this hugely offensive
That question has layers of offensiveness

I expect the person who asked it didn't give a second thought though

My DP is Indian and we get no dodgy comments here, but like MrsDV we live in an area where this isn’t a thing.

We have had awful comments online though.

Interracial relationships are like anyone else’s relationship.

People notice, and remark upon, things that are different to their own lives/experience. It doesn't always mean something. Also people are quite curious about how genetics works - look at the interest when people have twins that are different colours. I don't see it as racist to remark on skin colour, so long as there is no negative judgement attached and it is just an observation.

Also it is hard to find much to say about babies beyond 'isn't she cute'. Probably they are just making conversation.

Rudeness and racism aren't the same thing. Some people have no social filters, some people coo over babies.

Would ' what beautiful curls, what big blue eyes, what a lovely smile etc all be rude comments?

A little reading on what racism is - and believe me - 'ooh what beautiful skin' is not racist. The word racist is bandied round willy nilly.

ra¦cism
[ˈreɪsɪz(ə)m]

NOUN
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior:
"a programme to combat racism"
synonyms: racial discrimination · racialism · racial prejudice/bigotry · xenophobia · chauvinism · bigotry · bias · intolerance · anti-Semitism · apartheid
the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
"theories of racism"

I suspect they are clumsily trying to make conversation/ pay you a compliment.

We have 5 DC. We are a white British family. Two of the DC have different shades of bright red hair which always draws comments. Our eldest is a classic blue eyed blonde.

Our youngest has olive skin, dark eyes and dark brown hair. We are forever being asked about it; my dentist asks if she's mixed race every single time we go because apparently DD is the exact same colour as the dentist's own DD, and the dentist is Asian.

I don't take offence, even though the unspoken assumption is that I must have been up to no good. As a family we find it all a bit odd.

I do understand that it might be a frustration, or perhaps even offensive (I can't comment as I have a white child with a white partner and I'm white, so obviously have never been subject to those type of comments. However everyone that says it is slightly racist, or it is plain racist.... Doesn't it have to be said with malice rather than curiosity to be racist? If the intent is not there, surely the offender isn't being 'racist' perhaps inadvertently offensive, but not racist?

Newyeartome.... Sorry just seen your post and you have covered my point entirely!!

I get this a lot, I am mixed race but have somehow ended up with pale, blond haired, boys , my eldest even has the palest blue eyes. Genetics are weird and people will always comment. I wouldn't take it personally

I wouldn't dream of commenting! It's very inappropriate. However, I'd only pull someone up on it if a remark had a racist tone or was really upsetting to you in some way.

Ooooh that's nothing O.P. This happens even when both parents are black, or when both parents have the same heritage if the child is born either fairer or darker in skin tone. I have actually been asked by utter complete strangers whether my children have the same father. I kid you not. And this has been asked whilst DS1, the blessed 'fair' one was standing right next to me holding on to the pushchair. His father would get the same but more direct ie; is the 'firsts one's' mum white? Be prepared...you have been warned.

DH is Greek and I'm North European and we have a very, very fair DD. We get a lot of comments about the whiteness of her skin and hair, especially in Greece. I'm not saying it's exactly the same thing, but I do think that people like to comment on aspects of appearance that is even slightly out of the ordinary, like a PP said about red hair.