With comments on my baby's skin colour?

[MrsNjie]

So I'm White British and my husband is Black African. We've recently had a baby and during pregnancy I received constant comments such as "your baby will be beautiful" "oh mixed race babies are so gorgeous".
Now he's here we get "your baby is very white" "I love his colour" "I wonder if his colour will change" and so on.

AIBU to find this very strange and a bit rude? As if all babies are not beautiful because they're just white or just black? Would you comment on a child's skin colour who wasn't mixed? I can't get my head around the obsession.

At least people are not saying "is he really yours?" in tones of incredulity" because you have a different skin colour to the baby.

(been there, never found a suitable comeback)

It's ignorance. People are often told that 'mixed race babies are so cute'. It's uncalled for and rude to comment on your baby's skin colour.

I think some people are so desperate not to come across as racist, and to show how 'ok' they are with all skin colours, that they overcompensate and start saying very ridiculous, slightly racist things in the process

I agree - I've encountered this so many times.

I think it’s just curiosity. They don’t mean to be rude but.....they can’t help themselves.

I have five mixed race children ages 26-7
People have made comments about their appearance but very rarely have the comments been snide.
They come from black and white people. They admire their beauty, comment on skin tone and eye colour.

I have had silly comments like 'oh has she got a tan?' (I am very pale) and a fair amount of annoyance at MWs/HVs who can't tell the difference between jaundice and natural skin colour. Then there was the doctor who insisted my DS couldn't possibly keep his blue/green eye colour and they WOULD turn brown. As DS was DC5 I reckon me and OH had a good idea of what might happen.

When I admire babies I might say 'what beautiful hair' or 'look at those rosy cheeks!'. I don't think its different from people telling me my kids have beautiful brown skin. They have.

Its racist when people imply my kids are ugly because they are not white.
Its racist when they assume I am a single parent and my kids have different fathers because they are mixed race.

My child is mixed race ... similar to yours.....omg the comments I had... she’s too white... how come her hair is straight....... blah blah blah as if I had the answers

Maybe a little. I have a mixed race baby (now 22 months), and yes, I do get comments from lots of people, including close friends family members on the shade of his skin. It’s usually meant as a compliment. But also in summer his face/hands gets darker very quickly and they will comment on that.

To be honest they usually mean well and I don’t find it that rude, all comments relating to his skin tone go straight over my head.

and rude to comment on your baby's skin colour
Why?
My DC's skin colour is beautiful and something to be proud of and delight in
As long as the comments are positive I don't think they are rude are they?

TBH I don't find it much different to people commenting on a baby's beautiful blue/brown eyes or blonde/dark hair or cute freckles or english rose complexion. They're probably trying to be nice.

@TheFirstMrsDV You and I must both get a little siren warning us whenever this type of topic comes up on MN

YANBU. I can’t stand it when my in-laws (in their desperate attempt to sound accepting of him) say my nephew “looks like mini Lewis Hamilton”. They look nothing alike, they’re just both mixed heritage.

It's just fucking rude.

One of mine was a bright ginger (sadly now a muddy brown) curly-haired vision of gorgeous to everyone except my own mother, who found it horrifying. One of the many ways I disappointed her was by producing a ginger child with eyes like a tiger. Some people are just arseholes.

I think you're reading too much into it, people comment on skin colour in babies. My family are darker than me, I'm very pale and it was commented on when I was a baby. My dc takes after me and is incredibly pale and we get comments on his 'porcelain skin' a lot (both parents white, me just very pale). People just like to comment on babies.

Valdmirs well...I didn't like to say....

It is rude, I think, though more the thoughtless kind. I kept getting weird hair comments too when mine were little. My spouse is a White British and quite ginger/auburn - and I kept getting people commenting that it was good that we were unlikely to have ginger kids. Like literally the first thing out a few mouths on meeting my oldest was "Thank God he doesn't have his father's hair!". I always wanted to ask if they were meaning to be so rude to insult my taste in partners as I quite like his hair but I was both very tired and cranky when these things happened. It thankfully seems to have stopped now that they're older and there is more to talk about than how they look.

my son went from dark skin, brown eyes, almost black hair to pale, blue eyed blonde so I had people say similar to me about if his colouring would change. It is rude.

Yesss I have a girl nigerian/English and it's the same thing, but also 'her hair is sooo pretty' as its loose curls.

Asmuch I was invited to my aunt's wedding in Essex. I realised that my kids were seated next to the only other mixed race kids at the event. I assumed it was just a coincidence.
Until my aunts friend said 'awwww innit nice to see them all sat together like that'

I've heard that biracial babies are often born light-skinned, and their skin gradually darkens as they grow.

It's just rude.

I get family members saying DD is very white. Yes she is. As is DH.

My sgs7 was told he looked like he should be in the band. He said no, I want to be a brain surgeon.
Worse when teachers pick him for the sports team but don't push him about maths, spelling etc. Yes still in this day and age. Long way to go

YANBU at all. Some people think that going on about people's race isn't racist if what they're saying isn't unkind. I was very the other day when my mother said she expected my friend's baby will be gorgeous "because half white, half Chinese babies always are, aren't they?" I don't think she really understood why this isn't just a lovely thing to say...

I genuinely don't think it's racist to say "she/he has lovely skin" or "his/her skin is a beautiful colour". I get this about DD because she's got an English rose complexion. Not sure why you would assume it's racist with a mixed race baby.

I’m mixed race and DH is white British.
We’ve had odd comments about the DC: ‘Ooh, she could pass for white’, and approving comments about how fair they are but it comes from ignorance not malice.

I was also ambushed by a mother at school gushing about how DH and I were ‘Just like Meghan and Harry!’

None of it’s overtly unpleasant but there’s a drip drip effect that can wear you down sometimes.

Oh GOD YES the sports stuff.
DS1 is 24 now.
I used to get really pissed off at all the comments and pushing him to be sporty. He wasn't sporty!
I wanted them all to be doctors but he is a musician now and DS2 is going the same way.
DS1 got told he wasn't like a real black man because he didn't look like some dude called Gucci something or other?
Apparently he plays the wrong music to be properly black
The person who said it was a mixed race woman who has darker skin than him. She clearly thinks she is woke but is merrily perpetuating stereotypes of black men.