With comments on my baby's skin colour?

[MrsNjie]

So I'm White British and my husband is Black African. We've recently had a baby and during pregnancy I received constant comments such as "your baby will be beautiful" "oh mixed race babies are so gorgeous".
Now he's here we get "your baby is very white" "I love his colour" "I wonder if his colour will change" and so on.

AIBU to find this very strange and a bit rude? As if all babies are not beautiful because they're just white or just black? Would you comment on a child's skin colour who wasn't mixed? I can't get my head around the obsession.

British people are just obesessed with everyone being "rude". Try living almost anywhere else in the world, it really doesn't actually get less "rude" than the UK!

People say shit. This isn't bad shit. Why does everyone have to make every single innocuous comment be an awful thing?

My children are mixed race and when out with their dad we see people do a double take as out children are very white

I do actually think that some of the most beautiful babies I have seen are mixed-race. It's a shame if one can't compliment them on their beautiful skin colour without fear of being thought racist.

I have olive skin and my husband has pale skin but has dark brown hair. One of our sons has olive skin and dark brown eyes like me and our other son is very blond with blue eyes. People are always commenting on their skin colours and ask (jokingly) if they are both my husbands children.
It doesn't bother me as I can see why people comment as the contrast in their skin colours is so vast.

People are just so inappropriate so often. If they don't know what to say, they should better keep their mouth shut. I am white with pale skin and my both sisters have darker skin tone (our parents are both white race, but one is darker skinned than the other). Since I grew up in rural eastern Europe, where darker skin/hair is praised and much preferred both in society and in popular culture (there are many popular songs that clearly evidence that darker skin and hair is considered prettier) throughout my childhood I was made aware that the colour of my hair/skin was less attractive than my sisters', which influenced my self-confidence in so many ways.. I'm embarrassed to admit I allowed it to influence me, but it did. Nobody should ever comment the looks of a child, or compare them to others.

arse one of my children is adopted. I fostered him before we adopted him. He has been with us since he was almost newborn.
I used to take him to contact sessions with his birth mum.
The social worker supervising new that one of the plans was for adoption but didn't know that it would most likely be me adopting him.

He was commenting on DS's looks etc and came out with 'he is lucky because he could pass for a white baby'
Meaning 'he could be adopted by a white couple'

I found it sinister and offensive .
Besides, he may have 'passed for white' as an infant but as a 6ft teen with a whacking great afro he certainly wouldn't!

It is very rude, but many people have come to accept mixed race people as an acceptable form of blackness that is beautiful. Some black people do this a lot, and so do some white people. It's a really disgusting attitude to have. Mixed heritage babies are not a type of dog special dog breed, they're humans!

Because it's not innocuous. It's marking them as 'different' (from what I don't know) and making assumptions based on appearance

Because it's not innocuous. It's marking them as 'different' (from what I don't know)

But its not, because no matter what they are they will comment anyway. Oh shes dark that's so cute, oh shes so pale that;s so cute, oh she;s olive thats so cure, oh he's ginger thats so cute, oh shes bald thats so cute...its not marking them as different at all, but exactly the same.

My son is mixed and I think mixed kids are beautiful. Bit weird to comment on their specific colour though.

The FirstMrsDV I love the look of light colored eyes with a darker complexion. I’m thinking Smokey Robinson.

It is not rude to comment on a baby’s complexion or hair - as in lack of or loads of it. I will say something nice about a baby’s lovely chubby cheeks - if they have chubby cheeks.

My first husband was a black American and our son now is in his 40’s.

I gave birth in a black community and at a hospital where I was the only white patient. The black folk all were saying what pretty skin he had. Another new mother showed me how to tell what color he would darken to by looking at the base of his nails. It turns out that in the African American community the shade of their skin is important. I never knew that. My son looked the same color as me when he was born and I was really confused by that. Interracial marriage was very rare in the U.S. at the time.

The only problem I ran into raising a bi-racial child was that people could not believe I was his mother. In public places sometimes people would call out, “Where’s this child’s mother? He’s in here all alone” I would be a few feet away.

The worst time happened when there was an accident and my son (6 at the time) was seated in a paramedic (fire department?) captain’s car, when I rushed to be at his side I was shouted at and told to keep away, don’t interfere. He was being questioned. I was in a daze and walked over to the crowd standing nearby where I was comforted. This captain fellow came up to me and asked where the boy's mother was and when I told him I was his mother he realized he had really messed up.

My DD's are totally different, DD1 looks like me, DD2 looks like DH.

I've had - 'Do they have the same father?' 'Is she yours?' re DD2. My favourite being 'Oh she's beautiful, is she yours?' while DD1 and I were having a bit off an off day!!!

Some people just don't engage their brains before they let loose with the insensitive comments.

Sorry I probably could cobble together a credible comment but I am too busy being at this...

he may have 'passed for white' as an infant but as a 6ft teen with a whacking great afro he certainly wouldn't!

Surely he is about 8 or 9? (ignores that DS is 12)...(ignores passage of time and starts rocking).

For goodness sake. Making a positive comment about someone's appearance isn't bloody racist. Everyone these days is so intent on taking offence at everything. People are always commenting on my dd's skin tone/hair colour/eye colour combination. It's a compliment. My ds is much paler than dd and people comment on that too. Again, it's either a compliment or an observation. Nothing more, nothing less. Let's save our outrage for actual racism rather than looking for racist undertones in innocent comments.

I would assume they are interested in the wonder of genetics than any thing more sinister.

None of it’s overtly unpleasant but there’s a drip drip effect that can wear you down sometimes.

I agree with this above. I'm Ghanaian British and my husband is white British (Irish and Scottish so super pale with red hair). Our son took after husband's skin tone, so is also very pale and the comments I've had are so tedious.

Even when carrying him in a pouch on my chest as a baby I had "Who is the mother? Where is his mother?" Ummm, where do you think?!

Also been asked by complete strangers while out shopping: "Why is your baby so white?" Can you imagine?! I was One friend said I should have answered "Because I love white cock." Wish I had the guts for that.

People don't realise that they are overstepping the mark sometimes.

It's something I see all the time - one of my nieces has white skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. My siblings and I are African, European and Arabic. Therefore my niece, whose father is white English, looks absolutely white. It's a shock to others when they discover her heritage. Even some of her teachers have passed comment.

My problem is that being mixed race has become the 'acceptable' face of ethnicity. Light-skin in the black community is something to be upheld and admired. Mixed race-ness in the UK is often seen as something exotic and beautiful. It's those ingrained views that have led to you being where you are today. I would even guess that your interracial relationship wasn't always plain sailing so I think your outrage here is somewhat unwarranted.

My husband and I are both Caucasian but he is very dark haired and olive skinned and I am fair with blue eyes and blonde hair. People comment all the time about my children's hair/skin/eye colour. I don't think people are being rude.

Kew he has just turned 15!
Your DS is only about 2 and a half. I won't believe any different.

I have a mixed race son in a family of blondes. He clearly has a different dad. I'm blonde, DH red head.

I am incredulous at the amount of people who have asked me where he gets his colour from. Like I want to explain my entire history. And often in front of my boy.

I think its very rude. But it is very common.

I’m white British & my DH is British Asian. We too have had a variety of comments about our DD’s skin tone, including many from family members.

Someone in my family actually said the other day, ‘your DD has always had lovely colour skin, but it really is beautiful now that it’s paler.’ I was left absolutely gobsmacked, and didn’t know what to say!

We’ve had other comments from other people too, such as, ‘she’s looking more European now,’ and ‘she’s even more like her Dad when she’s caught the sun.’

My DD was born in Kenya and is mixed white British and Black African. It was obvious she was mine in the hospital.
I have a photo of her with her blond cousins when she was 2 months, she looks so dark skinned there. Then when she is photos with her Kenyan relatives she looks so pale.

People rarely comment on DS's (who is indeed the only 2 and a half year old in secondary school) exctic looks as they are generally too busy peering at me wondering what exotic fellow I had a wild night of passion to acheive him. Only one person has had the nerve to actually ask though (in words not quite so flowery to be fair).

DS likes my reply to "he doesn't look like you" , "don't you think so?" shrug.

Though one poor women went on to say "but he's SOOOO cute"

"Are you saying I'm not cute" hard stare

"Well ummm"

DS rolls on floor laughing his arse off.

I won't disagree that there are issues around mixed race being seen as safely exotic but not too black.
I don't think that is as much the case in the UK as it was when DD and DS1 were born.
I know that DD was seen as 'safe' in the ultra liberal lefty borough we lived in then. Black enough to be thrilling but white enough to be safe enough to invite round. Bonus that we lived in council but dad wasn't a gansta and mum seemed to be able to speak in whole sentences

There has been an earthquake in the politics of race and I am now more concerned for my kids than I have been in the past. Never have they not been black enough. WTF is that anyway?
The folks saying that are erasing their father and his (huge) family when they say that. Based purely on skin tone and what clothes they wear/music they listen to.

I am used to being the subject of criticism from certain quarters. White woman bringing up kids she has no right to, stealing black men/betraying her race (whatever way you chose to look at it). Its assumed I can't cope with afro hair (its mixed hair, not the same), my kids won't know themselves (apparently all that stuff is purely the mother's responsibility), only wanted brahn babies because they exotic and even only being with my OH because he is forbidden fruit

Its fucking tedious tbh.

Me and my partner get this all the time! Constant "wow I thought he'd be darker. Will he get any darker now is this just his color?" I always get "awwwwww I've always wanted a mixed race baby" too. People don't seem to understand that I didn't end up with my partner just to have mixed race babies, I got with him because we love eachother. You'd never hear someone saying it about a white baby. I find it very uncomfortable too❤️