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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cut off contact with step mother?

80 replies

Bonge · 22/03/2018 09:43

Apologies in advance for the long post:

I am 24 and 31 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy wasn't planned and myself and my partner were living with my family until we were financially able to privately rent. This was meant to be for about a year. This was more than welcomed by my dad, who I'd always been close with and seemed to be fine with my dad's wife too.

The relationship between myself and my step mother had sometimes been strained, but throughout recent years, it'd been fine. Once I had moved back home, however, tension had started to mount, but I had no idea why. I had made sure that her house was always tidy, cooked dinner and we generally kept ourselves to ourselves.

She doesn't work and hasn't actually been diagnosed with an illness, but insists that she has rheumatoid arthritis and has managed to have been prescribed Oramoroph for that and Fibromyalgia. I am obviously not a doctor, so I have no idea.

She also has a drinking problem. I didn't realise the extent until I moved back home, but she usually starts drinking around 12pm and then goes to bed about an hour before my dad gets in, so he thinks that she's ill in bed all day. She'd also just had a kidney infection, but was up the next day at midday drinking wine again... she's never a sloppy drunk, she just gets a bit hyper.

It had started to really concern me, as she drinks 2 bottles of wine a night, as well as taking the morphine and tramadol. My partner and I had spoken about this before and had agreed that she wouldn't be left alone with our baby.

It all came to a head a few weeks ago when I was 28 weeks when I was 28 weeks pregnant. It was 10pm and I had absolutely awful back pain. Her TV was blaring and I could hear it through my ear plugs, so I knocked on her door and asked her to turn it down please. She started huffing and scoffing, so I said 'I don't mean to be rude, but I'm 28 weeks pregnant, my back's killing me, I just want to go to sleep please.' and she went 'oh here we go again!' I had never spoken to her about my pregnancy. She really made me feel low about myself and as though I daren't ask her to turn her TV down.

My partner then said he think it'd be best if we stayed with his parents that night, I agreed. The next day, my dad says that he 'thinks that it's best if [we] don't come back' and go and live with his family. I was 28 weeks pregnant and we'd just decorated the bedroom nice for the baby. I was then having to pack our things into bin bags and move into my partner's parents home where nothing had been done. I was distraught.

I am now thinking that it's best if I don't allow my step mother contact at all with the baby. Especially with her alcoholism, but as well as that, I wouldn't want to risk her talking to my daughter the way she had spoken to me.

Am I overreacting here? The argument was so petty, but I'd always been sent away when I argued with her as a teenager and not allowed home until I apologised. I just feel as though the time has come now where I don't want the stress. I just want the best for my baby.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 22/03/2018 17:02

I have a close friend with rheumatoid arthritis and she's in a lot of pain. She's never been prescribed opioids to relieve this. There are huge red flags here. We don't know enough, as we only have the OP's posts, but addicts are good at lying.

Bramble71 · 22/03/2018 17:37

Can I just say, Fibromyalgia is a hideous condition and it could definitely make her snappy. Oramorph isn't prescribed without a good reason and it does mess with your head.

But, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to turn the telly down. Maybe there was something else going on with her at the time. Can you speak to your Dad, if you haven't already, as it does seem odd to chuck you out over such a small issue.

I reckon it'd be hard to stop her seeing your baby as it would probably mean cutting your Dad out, too.

Bonge · 22/03/2018 17:45

Hi again,

Thanks for everyone's responses

I was definitely wrong when I said about the NC. That was me being a bit petty :) I hadn't actually said it to anyone. I don't want to cause anymore upset.

Also, I don't think I made this clear but there was no additional nursery, but was the bedroom that we and DP were in, with a cot. She decided the colours and I paid for the paint. I was conscious that she'd want to use the bedroom as is after we'd left. I didn't want to cause extra fuss. She really did seem fine with us moving in and actively encouraged it in September.

She must've just got annoyed at us being there, I just wish that she'd said before as I hate to think that I've annoyed someone in their own home. I should've just shut up about the TV, in hindsight.

My dad had mentioned for us to stay for a year (or so, nothing concrete) just so that we could save, have some money away and get into a routine of me going back to work and baby going to nursery.

I would hate to think that I was taking advantage, I really actively wanted to show that I was grateful for them allowing us to live there. Again, I wish she'd have said something if I'd done wrong.

Regarding the alcohol/medication, I have no idea about the ins and out. All I know is that she's prescribed Oramorph and Tramadol and mixes it with alcohol. I was wrong to sound like she's making her illnesses up, it was appears dodgy. Again, I really don't know for certain. All I know is from what I've seen.

Thanks again :)

OP posts:
Bonge · 22/03/2018 17:48

Sorry I meant *it was appearing dodgy.

But hey, what do I know :)

OP posts:
NanooCov · 25/03/2018 19:28

Bonge, given what you said about her daughters' concerns about her drinking (do they still live at home?) I think it would be great if you could support them in speaking to your dad about their concerns. Maybe not straight away - wait until tempers have mellowed and fuss has died down - but it sounds like they could do with help in opening his eyes. If the 14 year old, in particular, is at home it could be making life pretty miserable for her.

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