Am I?

[HelpMeAdult]

It's my daughters birthday this weekend.
My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship.
His parents massively favour his oldest daughter, quite openly saying it's because she's their first grandchild and there's a special bond.....

For her birthday my husband have got our daughter a much longed for present that she has wanted for a while but had to wait for her birthday because it's expensive and we don't give her too many things apart from birthdays and Christmas. She doesn't know she has got one so it will be a surprise.
In laws have just told me they've got one for step daughter to give her this weekend so she doesn't feel left out.
I feel genuinely upset that they've done this and that it will take the shine off for my daughter because her sister is getting the same thing on the same day, just because when she has had to wait for her birthday.
Should I tell them how I feel about it? I usually keep quiet when similar situations arise but for some reason this has really got my back up and I am sitting here quietly seething.

Absolutely awful. I remember my mum used to get my sister a little gift on my birthday and vice versa, but this is a whole other deal.

Maybe ask them if they’ll be buying expensive gifts for your DD on SDD’s birthdays from now on?

DairyisClosed

Wl you DH did leave her so I think that yabu. They not doing it to undermine you. They are doing it to make up for their son's failure.

what a strange thing to say

It's totally out of order. But I agree with pp - you need to get your dh to deal with his parents. It will carry much more weight

I give my nephew a little token present on his brothers birthday but that's only because he is one out of four grandchildren. And all the other three have their birthdays (and presents) in the same week. But I would never get him a massive present. Just a little something so he isn't left out.

Do they show their favouritism in other ways? I can guarantee the children will notice...

Wl you DH did leave her so I think that yabu

And you know this how Dairy?

Well, having 2 kids very close (20 months) in age, I'm going to veir from the course OP. Our general stance is if the gift is substantial (it's a hatchimal right?) Then they both get at the same time. Which is why big gifts are for Xmas not birthdays.

Little ones don't understand half siblings or my sister getting something I won't cause daddy is with a new mommy

Jesus , over my dead body would they be giving that present. Over my dead body. There is an important lesson in here for children that not everything in life revolves around them. Sometimes adults do things that children don’t get to do ( my DD5 has a big issue with this) and some days are for treating other people. Birthdays, Mother’s Day etc etc. I think it sets a terrible precedent to start giving gifts on someone else’s special day particularly if it was a long wanted item. I would get your DH to say he’s not allowing it and if he refuses or is nanby pamby I would then wade in. ( but maybe that’s just me)

I'd be furious too. Your dhshould definitely say something and also point out that if they continue to do this kind of thing, it's likely to ruin any chance of a good relationship between the girls as they grow up - which would be a loss for both of them!

They sound lovely😒 you could say something but I doubt you’d get anywhere. Would DH speak to them as the father of both girls? It’s a great lesson to you DD that expensive gifts are worth waiting for, it sounds like someone’s being spoilt here.

That is fucking awful! They sound horrible and I'd be furious. Fancy openly admitting to having a favourite grandchild

dairy my dh did not leave his older daughter. She lives with us and gets treated as the younger one does by us Thank you very much

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I would get your dh to have a word. Tell them that if they dont start treating the kids the same they will see less of the two of them.

Your husband needs to step up and take care of his parents and stop their meddling .

Do they buy your daughter presents on her sisters birthday? If not tell them they are unfair and it will not be allowed to continue.

It's your daughter's birthday not her sister's. I'm not one for treating siblings like snowflakes on birthdays, but if they really cannot help themselves then what's wrong with a colouring book from the pound shop? Not the big expensive present identical to what the birthday child is getting ffs.

Also I'd be telling them not to bother coming round because she wouldn't be having the present.

They don't buy dd presents of any kind on sdd birthday.
Dd will be 7 on Saturday, sdd will be 10 in july so they are both old enough to understand. Unfortunately sdd does act extremely spoilt when the grandparents are around because of the way they treat her.
Dh is with me on this and is going to tell his parents not to give the gift until sdd birthday but I am unsure if they will take any notice. They don't usually.
The gift is a bike.

A fucking bike?

I know this sounds harsh and it's not your dsd's fault but I hope your parents make up for the unfairness that your in laws create.

Yanbu
What does DH say?

Any kid would be crushed if they got a bike for their birthday and their sibling got one just before and for no reason. Your DH must have a firm word.

Glad your H is on your side. I'd be asking them why they don't buy your DD anything on SD birthday tbh.

Don't see them this weekend. Is that possible? Don't let them take the shine off her gift, keep away from them until time has passed.

longwavy my parents treat both girls the same and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Fil has just said that he will wait until next weekend

Sdd doesn't even need a new bike!

What did you say to them?

This is all kinds of wrong.

DSD is old enough to know that on your siblings birthday you don’t get presents. I can’t imagine they would do it round the other way and buy your DD a present on DSDs birthday

Agree with others, your DH needs to say something to them