AIBU re looking after partner's child?

[Margot234]

I have two DC (7 & 9) and DP has one (4). We have an 18 month old together and I am pregnant (unplanned).

My DC live with us full time and see their father EOW. DP's DC stays 10 days a month. I am very tired at the moment and finding everything pretty difficult.

DP's DC is a typical four year old requiring lots of attention pretty much all the time. I find the 10 days exhausting.

DP is self employed, but does take a fair bit of time off when he DC is here. I look after our 18 month old and his 4 years old the rest of the time. Obviously my two are at school.

I am absolutely dreading the next 10 day trip. I am finding it difficult to function with pregnancy tiredness and DP can't afford to take more time off than he does.

AIBU to feel a bit resentful?

I don't necessarily thibk he should take time off, but he should take responsibility for his child - so maybe organise nursery or buy in some help for the OP, so she isn't so stretched. If he is self employed, organise as much of his work around his dd's care, where possible.

In both scenarios the step-parents also usually get helpful comments about "How they should have thought about this before marrying/having a serious relationship with someone who has kids from a prior relationship." With no regard to whether or not circumstances have changed since the start of the relationship or consideration that maybe they couldn't have known how difficult it would be because they're not psychic.

Does one really need to be psychic to know that 'quiet time' will be in short supply if you have five kids, including three under four? Hardly anyone has the time and money for five kids without running themselves into the ground. That's why most people don't have five kids. It might not be 'helpful' as in a solution because the situation can't be reversed, but it does kind of explain why the OP's feeling knackered and their finances are in danger of being 'adversely affected'.

I split our early years funding too.

I would split the funding & sort out nursery for when the child is with you then reassess in September when the situation will have to change due to school.

I really feel for you, sounds exhausting!!

We do not know how much of the funding Mum is using.

poor child - i feel the most sorry for her. OP - i would speak to your husband and either ask him to take more time off to look after his child or re-negotiate how long the child spends at your house with his ex-wife. Either way - i think you cant/dont want to cope with her anymore.

Why should the ex renegotiate?!

I too feel sorry for this little girl. Her world has changed with her parents separation, a house move and new siblings. A lot to deal with when you're only four. Everything will change when she starts school and new arrangements will have to be made won't they. Hope I all works out well and best wishes for the new baby.

I think it depends on your relationship with the mum. I know id be happy to switch things around and id be (and have been)flexible when my childs step mum was pregnant. And extended that into the first year. This arrangement will have to change once shes in school full time anyway so you may as well be tentatively looking at it now. Though it may be too late to change this one you may find mum is more understanding then you expect. She may not be but you dont lose anything by just having a conversation

To be honest even though your current pregnancy was unplanned,you already had kids from a previous relationship and an 18 month old.

Surely you'll realise tiredness is par for the course with lots of kids?

And spare a thought for your partner's child, he already has a toddler sibling and another on the way. At 4 years old he is bound to be full of energy too.

Is there a reason you fell pregnant so quickly with your partner? If his child is 4 and you already have a toddler and pregnant again. It seems rushed.

Maybe think about long term contraception after this one.

I think splitting the early years funding is a really bad idea. This little girl already has quite a chaotic life -2 separate homes, various new step and half siblings all by the age of 4. And now she should have to get used to a new pre school setting aswell for part of the time, swapping between the two, all because her father's household can't accomodate her either through adding more babies or work commitments? Poor kid. If you can't won't facilitate her for 10 days a month anymore then let her mother know so she can keep her with her. Don't add more instability into the child's life.