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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Constant whatsapp group messages interfering

80 replies

notagain123456 · 21/03/2018 10:36

Hi, I was wondering what everyones thoughts were on whatsapp group chats?
I am involved in my husbands family group chat and it is causing me a few issues, it is constant to the point i feel like they are living in our pockets.
From sending a silly picture to sending a photo of their food, my husband is just as bad and instigates many conversations. His sister and brother in law discuss food shopping lists and have their own conversations on there and i find it too much. He doesnt get in until late and if a chat is started i dont feel we have time together alone, i feel like they are there.

I dont think they txt this much before we were together which makes me question what they do it now. My husband has lots of group chats going and replies to everything.

My dilemma is i really want to leave the group but then it will bring up questions as to why and i dont want to explain. Should i feel lucky i have been included in this? I know people would feel excluded if they hadnt been added to their husbands group and i can understand why.

My family have a group too but its not intrusive and constant.

We see his family often enough so i dont believe its because they miss him. We went out with them 3 weeks on the run a while back (which frustrated me)as its too much.

OP posts:

MorganKitten · 21/03/2018 12:10

I am in several and just mute the converstions

Original poster

notagain123456 · 21/03/2018 12:11

i feel its like they cant let him go in a way. (not that im taking him anywhere) he lived at home before we met and was never in the house he lived his own life but since he's met me they wont leave him alone. Its like they need to assert their position in his life to me. It really bugs me as its not a competition and i'm not trying to take him away.

OP posts:

RuthsRandomRadish · 21/03/2018 12:12

Set it not to show. Only check it at a certain time.of day.

VikingBlonde · 21/03/2018 12:13

Talith Hahahaha!!!

VikingBlonde · 21/03/2018 12:16

That’s how it feels to me too. Like they’re pissing round him to make sure he knows who he belongs to. With my DPs lot they also fail to mention the important stuff like changing the decision to eat the kids Xmas presents (they’d planned a joint one between them all to reduce “stuff”) but then didn’t bother telling him they’d be getting each other’s kids presents so he felt like he seemed really mean. He’d have bought gifts if they hadn’t said NOT to them not bothered to mention they’d changed the plan. Why bother communicating if there isn’t going to be any actual communication?

TomRavenscroft · 21/03/2018 12:21

I'd leave the group if it's bugging you/upsetting you to this extent. I'd use the blanket excuse 'Spending too much time on social media so I'm cutting back.'

If anyone tries to guilt-trip or hassle you about it you'll just have to toughen up and laugh it off.

HostaFireAndIce · 21/03/2018 12:24

Wow, I had no idea people lived like this! I am not in any WhatsApp groups. But I agree with the others, you can't leave now without hurting them so mute it and make excuses.

Original poster

notagain123456 · 21/03/2018 12:24

viking, you put it in a much better way than me! that is exactly what it is like! they use the group chat to tell me they have spoken to him, every time they speak to him on the phone they put it in the group text like "when you rang me just then" she puts things like "my boy" too.
she asked me in a private txt what i am getting him for his birthday so i told her and she completely ignored me. It really pissed me off, why ask if you are not going to comment.

OP posts:

Lweji · 21/03/2018 12:24

If it's a group, surely it's not directed at him specifically. Why do you think it is?

And he seems to enjoy it. Some families just like to share the little things with each other.

Weebo · 21/03/2018 12:26

If they are strange enough to question you over leaving a Whatsapp group just laugh and say you found it too busy.

If you feel like your husband is spending too much time on his phone in the evening you should discuss it with him. It really doesn't matter who he is talking too.

TomRavenscroft · 21/03/2018 12:27

If they are strange enough to question you over leaving a Whatsapp group just laugh and say you found it too busy.

Yes, this exactly.

Whitecurrants · 21/03/2018 12:29

I've never really understood the point of WhatsApp. What can it do that a text message can't?

Weebo · 21/03/2018 12:31

X post OP.

I love my IL's and I would hate that. There's nothing wrong with not wanting constant contact with someone.

I'm not surprised you are starting to find fault in them - It's too much.

Fundays12 · 21/03/2018 12:31

Ignore them till you are ready to answer. Just because someone messages you doesn’t mean you need to answe there and then.

Original poster

notagain123456 · 21/03/2018 12:32

lweji, i dont know. His sister is now going out with one of his friends and she has made another ones girlfriend her best friend so i already feel she has found a way to be constantly around him since we met. Maybe that is altering my view.
he has no issue with the messaging, he is a happy carefree guy.

OP posts:

InfiniteSheldon · 21/03/2018 12:32

I can't imagine being on that WhatsApp group my grown up children and I have a WhatsApp group just for the three of us we don't involve their husbands or mine we swap photos silly messages reminders, rubbish to anybody else that's why they're not on the group

Original poster

notagain123456 · 21/03/2018 12:34

weebo - its exactly that, i am now finding fault in them! i dont think they are bad inlaws but just wish we had our space. I cant entirely blame them though as my husband is just as bad.

OP posts:

Weebo · 21/03/2018 12:37

It's only natural.

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Who wants to know about their SIL buying toilet roll and chicken dippers? Absolutely no one. :o

HollyBayTree · 21/03/2018 12:40

We have a friendship whatsapp group, two of the husabnds really dont bother with it and remove themselves unless we are discussing someing 'big' like a weekend away, then they will asked to re included. It seems to be beyond them to mute it !

I dont see the problem with leaving the group and saying 'DH passes on any info'. TBH these sorts of groups have their place, it keep people in touch, but no so that it is intrusive.

HollyBayTree · 21/03/2018 12:41

I dont see the problem with leaving the group and saying 'DH passes on any info'. TBH these sorts of groups have their place, it keep people in touch, but no so that it is intrusive.

TheKitchenWitch · 21/03/2018 12:42

WhatsApp can do lots that text can’t, you can look it up if you don’t understand the point of it.
Groups are super useful and a hege improvement on the zillion emails that used to fly round when trying to organise stuff.
Some people do like to chat though, so you just mute those conversations. It’s not hard.

OP if your dh enjoys the group chats then what difference does it make? If he is spending too much time on his phone then that is an issue between you and him.

VikingBlonde · 21/03/2018 12:45

SIL recently said "did you see that picture on the WhatsApp?" I was like "no, I left the group, it was just TOO MUCH" but she didn't get it. Just kept showing me the pics. Clearly I need to work on my IDGAF face haha

Not sure if my app is too old to selectively get notifications for each chat or I was being dim but even deleting threads and turning them off didn't stop them coming through in the dozens. So I left. DP does now treat the messages from the group as slightly covert since I did but hey ho.

VikingBlonde · 21/03/2018 12:47

I guess also there's a difference between people who are able to ignore a bunch of red numbers/notifications and themes that are less able to. They do say these things are very addictive dopamine things. Perhaps those that are able to take it or leave it can mute, those that can't ignore should leave groups entirely !

OP my MIL does that exact thing too. Ignores direct messages unless she wants some information from me, otherwise it's all my boy my boy lalalala over the loudspeaker. Haha OTHER PEOPLES FAMILIES EH

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2018 12:48

Just remove yourself from the group! Simple.

Original poster

notagain123456 · 21/03/2018 12:54

viking, she cried when she saw him on christmas day, we had seen her at least 4 times that month leading up to it and he had been on his own to see her.

His sister told me he cried at our wedding when he saw her walking down the aisle. he laughs at this to this day.

OP posts:

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