I think I love a stranger?

[Pecanpickles]

Okay so not a total stranger.
16 years ago when I was a fresher in university I was in the fencing club, and I took a real shine to this guy. I was very timid and immature and, tbf rather silly. We sent on a few ‘socials’ but I determinedly ignored him (how stupid was I?!) in fact if he thought about me at all, he probably thought I was nuts. I probably WAS a bit nuts.

Anyway. The shit hit the fan in my family in my 2nd year of uni and I took time out of university. I went back eventually and only ever saw lovely fencing guy one more time. I bumped into him in a pub...
and he said hi.
That was it.

For the first couple of years after uni I looked him on facebook occasionally (we weren’t facebook friends, but at the time Facebook was more open) and saw that he had moved to Australia and was engaged to be married. (To a very beautiful woman who looks nothing like me!) After that I put him out of my mind.

Fast forward to today. I was have been reminiscing with an old uni friend and I ended up googling him to see what he is up to. Fully expected him to have kids and be living it ip in Oz. Turns up he’s back in the UK, and his facebook profile and cover pictures are of him, male friends and landscapes. His feature photos are all him and various mates... no obvious sign of wife or family? At risk of sounding like a stalkery nutter, is it unreasonable to think that if he was married he would have at least one picture of her public on his facebook?!!

I’ve spent the evening being proper nosy and he is such an amazing man!! He still looks gorgeous and even better for being older. He is talented, he is kind, I just look at his face and I just... 😍
I really want to know if he is married, and if not I want to meet him again! But he lives literally the other end of England. I can’t possibly message him without seeming super creepy, can I?! Especially as if he remembers me at all, it’s as a (very) random weirdo 18year-old-going-on-12!!

The worst part is I kind of want to go on holiday to where he lives to see if I can bump into him... would that be actual proper stalking?!

Help Mumsnet, is there anything I can do?! It sounds insane but he was my ‘one who got away’ and now I can’t stop feeling that he really might be he one for me! AIBU and utterly ridiculous and sad, or..??

It’s because fb looks through your email contacts isn’t it? I too have had landlords and otter randomness pop up

My own stalking tip, if you must stalk, stalk away THEN block them immediately !

This just inspired me to look up an ex from decades ago. He looks EXACTLY the same and now does live action role play in New Zealand...

Waiting to see what happens and you've just inspired me to do some fb stalking!

I would follow this through. Something similar happened to me, I plucked up the courage and contacted my unrequited love, we met up again and didn’t hit it off romantically but now have a great friendship but the best bit is that I really did hit it off with his friend and we are now married with kids. No harm in poking your nose down this route and seeing what happens.

There is a book on baggage reclaim talking about ‘fantasy relationships’. I don’t know how to link, sorry.

I don't see any harm in getting in touch, as long as you're prepared for negative outcomes such as him ignoring your message, not remembering you, him not being that interested or him not being as nice as you remember. To say you think you love him when you've barely spoken to him suggests you're not going to be able to deal with any of those things happening!

You only have to watch the news tonight to see what shit Facebook gets up to.

Contact him, life is short. Grip it by the short and curlies.

So you didn't speak to him at socials, he said hello once in a pub and you think he's the one that got away?

Is there something else going on in your life at the moment that has got you pinning your hopes on this, OP? Because you don't know this man.

I would be sitting at my desk night and day messaging men i thought i was in love with at university, but to whom i had never spoken. I would never imagine any of them to be the one who got away, although i do quite like the idea they are sitting at their desks, regretting ignoring my very subtle come sort of hitherto glances. Perhaps a couple will contact me now? Ah, will i need facebook?

I’m really astounded that so many people are advising the OP to contact a man she once said hello to in a bar over a decade ago.

It’s completely nuts.

It’s also a really, really bad idea.

This happened to me, but it was the other way round. A lad had randomly added me then messaged me 6 years after university. I barely remembered him but he described walking back talking to me and my friend from uni and also me serving him at the local shop where you lived as students. Even my best friend at uni couldn’t remember him. Tbh it was creepy. I must have said two words to him.

We” Still half asleep

Please don’t message him it’s just plain creepy.

*I also think this is true. A couple of years ago, my landlord popped up on 'people you may know'. We obviously have no friends in common and I'd never searched for him. It was very odd.
*
Similar thing happened with me! Except my landlord was my ex boyfriend's Mum we had never been Facebook friends, and we had no mutual friends at all. Saying that, she never came up as suggested when I did have mutual friends with her. She only started popping up after we rented the house. She didn't realise it was me (different last name, I'm married now) when they accepted our application but then obviously realised whilst Facebook stalking so I do think it's true, as well.

Friend request and message him! You have nothing to lose. The worst that can happen is he doesn't reply. Then you need to gracefully move on and stop stalking

I am the only one it’s creepy

If a man had posted that he'd considered getting in touch with someone he used to know years ago, I would also say go for it. Why the fuck would it be so different depending on gender?

WonderLime: But that's my point, the OP doesn't know this guy. He said hi to her once 16 years ago. That's it. And now the OP is face-stalking this guy and fantasizing for hours about what he is like and the relationship they could have had, and is now even considering going on holiday to the place where he lives in the vain hope of bumping into him. This is verging on weird stalker type behaviour and I'm sorry but I think if a man was obsessively thinking about a woman he barely knew in this way, there would be massive alarm bells ringing for most people and not responses of 'message him, what have you got to lose'!

Mn is such a strange place

Creepy AF op.

What’s “creepy” about it? These suggestions that the OP is “stalking” him are disgraceful. Stalking is a serious crime and involves more than looking someone up on FB twice...which is, in fact, all she’s done.

She has fond memories of someone she used to know. And?

It’s hardly a terrifying shock to get a neutral FB message from someone you used to know via a publicly available messaging system, is it?

OP...go ahead and send a message. If he doesn’t or does so with disinterest then you need to leave it. Obviously, don’t head to his city....but I don’t think you were actually going to do that anyway.

Lol'ing at Dancingmonkeys replies

This post is so funny, it could go either way and he could think you're creepy or could be nice and have a chat with him! What's life without a little risk?

Just do it! As other players have suggested say he came up in suggestions and you couldn't place him then realised it was fencing. How is he etc. What's the harm? If he thinks it's creepy he won't reply!

She continues to revisit his profile and is considering going to his home town in the hope of bumping into him of course it’s werid. If op was male she would have been roasted on here.

I don’t think it’s funny especially when I’ve been in that situation myself of someone who met me briefly continuing to message me.