I think I love a stranger?

[Pecanpickles]

Okay so not a total stranger.
16 years ago when I was a fresher in university I was in the fencing club, and I took a real shine to this guy. I was very timid and immature and, tbf rather silly. We sent on a few ‘socials’ but I determinedly ignored him (how stupid was I?!) in fact if he thought about me at all, he probably thought I was nuts. I probably WAS a bit nuts.

Anyway. The shit hit the fan in my family in my 2nd year of uni and I took time out of university. I went back eventually and only ever saw lovely fencing guy one more time. I bumped into him in a pub...
and he said hi.
That was it.

For the first couple of years after uni I looked him on facebook occasionally (we weren’t facebook friends, but at the time Facebook was more open) and saw that he had moved to Australia and was engaged to be married. (To a very beautiful woman who looks nothing like me!) After that I put him out of my mind.

Fast forward to today. I was have been reminiscing with an old uni friend and I ended up googling him to see what he is up to. Fully expected him to have kids and be living it ip in Oz. Turns up he’s back in the UK, and his facebook profile and cover pictures are of him, male friends and landscapes. His feature photos are all him and various mates... no obvious sign of wife or family? At risk of sounding like a stalkery nutter, is it unreasonable to think that if he was married he would have at least one picture of her public on his facebook?!!

I’ve spent the evening being proper nosy and he is such an amazing man!! He still looks gorgeous and even better for being older. He is talented, he is kind, I just look at his face and I just... 😍
I really want to know if he is married, and if not I want to meet him again! But he lives literally the other end of England. I can’t possibly message him without seeming super creepy, can I?! Especially as if he remembers me at all, it’s as a (very) random weirdo 18year-old-going-on-12!!

The worst part is I kind of want to go on holiday to where he lives to see if I can bump into him... would that be actual proper stalking?!

Help Mumsnet, is there anything I can do?! It sounds insane but he was my ‘one who got away’ and now I can’t stop feeling that he really might be he one for me! AIBU and utterly ridiculous and sad, or..??

Just send him a message and see what he says. Will he recognise your name at least?

Message him and say "Hi! You really look like a guy who was in my fencing club at Uni... were you at X Uni or have I got the wrong person?!"

Then it looks like you've happenstanced upon him instead of spying from after for 20 years

You're never likely to bump into him and therefore have an embarrassing encounter if you do message him and he ignores.
Message him, you have nothing to lose.

mmmm it seems kind of connected to the shit hitting the fan time and your present situation. Both making you want to contact this guy.

Honestly I think you've taken this a bit far and are verging on stalking territory here. Not least because you've built up this picture in your head based on very little about what he is like, and that you two could have a wonderful relationship, when in reality it sounds like you've hardly ever spoken to him.

I strongly suspect Mumsnet users would respond differently if you were a man obsessively thinking about a woman he briefly knew as an acquaintance years ago, and considering hanging around where she lives in the hope of meeting her.

Do nothing.

You didn’t know him a decade ago and you certainly don’t know him now.

You are internet stalking him. If you turn up in his home town you will actually be stalking him with us weird and unpleasant.

Beside which he may actually be married.

Give yourself a shake.

To make sure nobody thinks I’m an actual criminal stalker, I have no idea of this guy’s address, only the city he lives in (a very large one!)

So even though I would love to drive over there and happen to bump into him at the Tesco checkout, I think it might be a waste of petrol

^last bit was a joke

If you've been looking at his profile you'll pop up on his 'people you may know' section.

That’s not true.

I know it's not supposed to be, but I think it is true. Last year I was page hopping on Facebook, looking for my friend's mum. I ended up on her mum's sister-in-law's page. Then two weeks later her SIL's husband came up in my 'People you might know' section.

We have no connections at all. My friend and I weren't friends on FB. The only connection we have is that I looked on his wife's Facebook page (at her friends list) two weeks earlier.

Echoing everyone else saying do nothing ... if a person who i went to a uni club i went to, who never spoke to me, messaged me on facebook I'd think they were 100% weird. And I only left uni 3 years ago.

I strongly suspect Mumsnet users would respond differently if you were a man obsessively thinking about a woman he briefly knew as an acquaintance years ago, and considering hanging around where she lives in the hope of meeting her.

I don't think the OP is going to swing by the guy's town and if she was, I'd definitely not condone it. However I am bored shitless with the 'if it was a man' crap. If a man had posted that he'd considered getting in touch with someone he used to know years ago, I would also say go for it. Why the fuck would it be so different depending on gender?

Add him as a friend first then message him. You have nothing to lose!

If you've been looking at his profile you'll pop up on his 'people you may know' section.

That’s not true.

I also think this is true. A couple of years ago, my landlord popped up on 'people you may know'. We obviously have no friends in common and I'd never searched for him. It was very odd.

OP, just send him a friend request with a breezy message. What's the worst that can happen? Good Luck.

Yy very true my nd neighbour keeps popping up with have no friends in common, no common groups or likesz

Likes!

I think you should dig up your old fencing sabre, don your finest Zorro outfit and head to his town and swing through the window of his local pub and carve ‘PP’ on his shirt with your blade before jumping on your horse and riding into the night.

OP fails to reply ever again.

She's busy making bunting to hang outside his workplace (shes found it from facebook). Its fencing themed.

Plot twist. OP's crush has indeed returned to the UK to set up a fencing school inspired by a slightly shy/eccentric and somewhat aloof woman from all this years ago at uni. But as he fences his a through another day, he is accompanied by aforementioned Pedro.

A fight ensues. The bunting is sworded to the ground and left in tatters.

Someone is wounded on the ground. Is it Pedro? Is it the OP's one true love? Tune on next week to find out.

Sorry OP it's been a slow day. Just msg him, nothing ventured and all that.

@budhasbelly

You crack me up, made my evening!!

HolyGoats - Op have you watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend? I was about to say this! If you haven’t seen it op you have to watch it - she is you! But don’t just turn up where he lives, as you will find out if you watch it

I agree with others to message him!

And I have a people you may know which is really random an old landlord! Who I have never searched for or have any friends in common. It baffles me why he popped up 😂

Yes but @Pecanpickles have you messaged him??! (Glad you saw the funny side of my overactive imagination )

We are all waiting on the edge of our seats! Don't sit on the fence!!!

I would just do it. Worst case scenario a guy from 16 years ago thinks you're a bit weird.

Or please msg him OP with some fencing type pick up lines ...

Let's get straight to the point, will you parry me? Y'know that sort of thing.

I can certify that this would be absolutely fine and will secure you that date.