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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to really hate my boyfriends interfering parents.

83 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 19:50

not sure if AIBU or if it really is help. My boyfriends parents are really interfering and are starting to seriously piss me off. To start off with I liked them but things are now starting to go down hill they come in to my home and tell me what I should give up things like cups and a slow cooker that my parents gave to me they take me stuff and say they will store it in their house which means that I have to ask them for my stuff back when I need it which gives them an excuse to come round to my house they have taken food from my house before now. I'm now at the point where I'm struggling finacially and I can no longer keep a roof over my head my only choices are to either move back home or move in with my boyfriend but my boyfriends parents don't want me moving back home because in their mind that is a step back and they don't want me moving in with my boyfriend so what am I suppose to do end up homeless. They are trying to armchair diagonose me as having argraphobia I don't have that I have anxiety they think my new medication is some kind of mircale cure and that I should get a job if only it was that easy I can't leave the house on my own and they are trying to force me in to going back to therapy which I don't want. I've had his mum sit in the doctors with me. I'm getting seriously pissed off with them now and I've just had enough of them moving back home would give me peace from them. They think they are giving me the building blocks of life thats not what I need right now not when am worried about how am paying rent when I don't have the money. I refuse to speak to them about anything anymore but that doesn't stop my boyfriend from telling them everything. How do I keep them out of my life without losing it with them. I'm 28 I'm struggling with my mental health and now I'm struggling with the worlds most annoying parents who don't want their little boy to grow up he's not allowed to do anything and now neither am I.

OP posts:
Ariesgirl1988 · 21/03/2018 00:35

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater If you were one of my friends or family and asked me to intervene I would do so happily Evil Grin but that's just me I openly admit that I can be a spiteful cunt sometimes LOL I bet your mum has bitten her tongue so much she can taste blood! There's nothing more scary and dangerous than a mum defending their child no matter how old they are. If you really feel that low that you can say what you want defo get someone strong to do it for you as the saying goes it takes a massive bitch to beat a bitch! Grin

AaronPurrSir · 21/03/2018 08:37

They sound horrendous and they are definitely taking advantage of them. Unleash your mum on them!

AaronPurrSir · 21/03/2018 08:37

*taking advantage of YOU

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 21/03/2018 15:48

Thank you MrsCrabbyTree I will sort out a list of everything I need and whats stored in their house so that I can get it back. The only person who could stay with me would be my boyfriend and he wont stand up to his parents not yet anyway he needs a grow a spine first.

Thank you Ariesgirl1988 She can probably taste just as much blood as I can at the minute. I would happily release you and my mum on them no one should cross my mum.

AaronPurrSir I think I will unleash my mum on them because they are taking advantage of me.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2018 16:07

I want to go home but his parents don't want me

Fuck that, it's got nothing to do with them! Just do it.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 21/03/2018 16:34

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy I'm going home I spoke to my mum last night and she's letting me go back and if they don't like it well tough it's the only option I have right now.

OP posts:
BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 21/03/2018 17:19

Well done, OP! You're doing the right thing.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 21/03/2018 19:15

Thank you BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy it will help my mental health a lot being back at home and away from his parents.

OP posts:
Snowmagedon · 21/03/2018 19:32

Woke op this is one of of the the strangest threads I have read on here.
His parents going into your personal space and bossing you around? Taking your stuff? I would have to be so close to my dd bf to go into his personal space and boss him about! This is beyond the pale.
So glad you can go back to your mum and get yourself away from these controlling nutters.. Glad your mum can get your stuff back have no qualms asking police to help if they refuse or take them to small claims court.. Abusive bastards!! Good luck op

AcrossthePond55 · 21/03/2018 20:38

I'm glad you're going home! Now, if I were you I'd keep it quiet and not tell bf OR (especially) his parents. You don't want to be hearing about this for the next two weeks! Just act like nothing's changing, make your plans quietly and discreetly and then GO.

Motoko · 21/03/2018 20:44

You're doing the right thing OP. Definitely ask your mum to help you get back the things they stole from you.

Your bf's mum is trying to isolate you (like she did with his dad) from your family, as she wants total control over you. She actually sounds quite dangerous, and I'd say you need to keep away from her to protect your sanity, and I'm not being flippant when I say that.

Get your notice handed in as soon as you can, and don't let her in your home.

emmyrose2000 · 23/03/2018 01:00

The parents are thieves.

Tell them, not ask, for the stuff back. If your mum is willing to do that with/for you, then by all means let her. If they refuse to give back the stolen goods, tell them you'll report the thefts to the police (you don't have to actually call the police; hopefully just the threat will be enough).

And definitely get rid of the boyfriend. He's not bringing anything positive to your life, so there's no need to keep him around.

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 07:12

I think you should move back home too.

The ‘storing’ stuff is very odd and they need to give it back to you.

In defence of his parents though, if I had a child who had LDs and they got involved with someone with severe MH problems and they were very quickly moving in together, talking marriage and children and there was a possibility they would be financially supporting that person I would be concerned too. They may well feel that they are only looking out for his interests. I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable for them to say that living together for a while and having the means to support a baby is a good idea before having one. I think it’s a sensible suggestion.

Because of your DPs issues it is highly probable that his parents involvement won’t go away so it’s probably best you end the relationship now.

Motoko · 23/03/2018 11:06

Bundlesmads OP said he doesn't have LD, that they're just saying it to try to stop him from adulting.

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 11:47

She said his parents say it and she doesn’t know. Surely they’d be in a better position to know than the OP considering they brought him up and supervised his schooling?

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 11:50

And if he doesn’t have LDs surely he would know that himself and be able to tell the OP? If he’s not in a position to be able to confirm whether or not he has LDs himself, that would indicate to me there was some sort of problem anyway.

Motoko · 23/03/2018 16:28

Sounds to me more like he's been brainwashed by his controlling parents, and they're using the LD reason to reinforce their view that he can't make decisions himself.
They're already doing it to OP, who they know has mental health difficulties, telling her that her house is cluttered and taking her things to "store". It has nothing whatsoever to do with them if her house is cluttered or not, and it's not their place to take her things. They're trying to stop OP going back home to her parents, because they know they will lose control of OP.

It's all about control, and they are very toxic people.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 24/03/2018 13:30

I am moving back home and my mum is going to help me get my stuff back off them I don't believe that my boyfriend has any kind of problem the only problem he has is his parents he has never said that there is anything wrong with him its his parents who like to tell him that he's one step behind the rest of the world. Most of the things they took from mine they still have in their house so I will be getting everything back whether they like it or not and if I have to I will threaten them with the police.

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 24/03/2018 13:33

I hope things will be better at your parents, and that your mum helps you get your stuff back.
It sounds like your boyfriends parents wish he had never grown up!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 24/03/2018 13:34

Bundlemads I do not have server MH problems thank you we are adults and its up to us what we do its nothing to do with his parents. I know for a fact that his parents have pulled this shit before with his ex they didn't like her and tried every trick in the book to break them up. They have form for being manluptive and under hand and its not going to work with me because I'm on to them and they don't want me going back home because they can't take control of my life whilest am under my parents roof me going home stops them from cutting my family out of my life and trying to take control of everything that I do like telling me that I need a job and that they will take me to doctors appoitments and take me to therapy and go in with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 24/03/2018 13:39

Thank you NorthEndGal it will be a lot better with my parents I can sort myself out away from the watchful eye of his parents and I can get myself healthy and back on track. I don't they want him to ever grow up he moved out of their house in secret only told them on the day that it was all sorted and there was nothing they could do about it so he knows exactly what his parents are like.

Motoko They have brainswashed him in to believing that he has some kind of problem and that he needs them to help him they will never allow him to grow up or live his life. They still take money off him even though he's not lived at home in nearly 3 years. He got £50 for christmas off his grandma he never seen a penny of it because they took it.

OP posts:
BobbleHat102 · 24/03/2018 14:26

Wow. That is literally crazy behaviour. I feel very sorry for your BF, that is literally abuse. "You have a LD / MH issues" is a particularly nasty and extreme form of control. Who the hell would ever think it is ok to try and control the sons gf like that too - i have literally never heard of anyone going to these extremes with a non relative.

Sounds to me like you are making the right decision now. Whether you choose to stay with the BF is up to you, but his parents will not change. Unless he chooses to go No Contact with them I cannot see how you could ever be happy together, but that isn't a choice you can make for him. The fact that he secretly moved out suggests he is capable of rebelling but.... he is still accepting a far higher degree of coercive control than most people would consider normal. Telling his parents things about you that you would rather keep private would be a deal breaker for me.

Dont blame yourself in any way for any of their crazy shit. Good luck getting it all sorted and let us know how it goes!

LoveInTokyo · 24/03/2018 14:31

How old are you and your boyfriend, OP?

Motoko · 24/03/2018 14:53

Why does he give them money? I can understand how they got hold of the Christmas money, if it was passed to them to give to him, but if he literally hands money over to them, he should stop (unless he borrowed money from them and is paying it back).

So, they're using coercive control and financially abusing him. Does he know that coercive control is illegal now, and he could go to the police?

I think it will be difficult to continue your relationship if he doesn't go no contact with them. He'll still be telling them all your private info, which is a deal breaker right there.

Just being nosey, but what stuff of yours do they have? You mentioned a slow cooker, but I'm curious what other things they deem that you don't need. And why did you let them take them?

ohfourfoxache · 24/03/2018 15:02

Holy fuck, this is one of the worst things I’ve read on here Shock