AIBU to really hate my boyfriends interfering parents.

[Shootfirstaskquestionslater]

not sure if AIBU or if it really is help. My boyfriends parents are really interfering and are starting to seriously piss me off. To start off with I liked them but things are now starting to go down hill they come in to my home and tell me what I should give up things like cups and a slow cooker that my parents gave to me they take me stuff and say they will store it in their house which means that I have to ask them for my stuff back when I need it which gives them an excuse to come round to my house they have taken food from my house before now. I'm now at the point where I'm struggling finacially and I can no longer keep a roof over my head my only choices are to either move back home or move in with my boyfriend but my boyfriends parents don't want me moving back home because in their mind that is a step back and they don't want me moving in with my boyfriend so what am I suppose to do end up homeless. They are trying to armchair diagonose me as having argraphobia I don't have that I have anxiety they think my new medication is some kind of mircale cure and that I should get a job if only it was that easy I can't leave the house on my own and they are trying to force me in to going back to therapy which I don't want. I've had his mum sit in the doctors with me. I'm getting seriously pissed off with them now and I've just had enough of them moving back home would give me peace from them. They think they are giving me the building blocks of life thats not what I need right now not when am worried about how am paying rent when I don't have the money. I refuse to speak to them about anything anymore but that doesn't stop my boyfriend from telling them everything. How do I keep them out of my life without losing it with them. I'm 28 I'm struggling with my mental health and now I'm struggling with the worlds most annoying parents who don't want their little boy to grow up he's not allowed to do anything and now neither am I.

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater

His parents sound batshit crazy! that's not normal behaviour at all! coming into your home taking your stuff for "storing". Going to your appointments with you etc, telling you your issues! They are the issue and I have a feeling if you got rid of your boyfriend and his parents your mental health would improve dramatically. Also they probably don't want your mum around because she is most likely strong enough to stand up to them and bullies don't like strong people who will tell them about themselves! Don't tell them or your bf when you have doctor's appointments go alone and tell the doctor what they're doing that's why they "go" with you so you won't say nothing about their behaviour.

thank you daisymay your right I think its time for to move back home and get my life back on track and demand all of my stuff back.

agbnb I want a job again eventually I would love for things to work out with my boyfriend but its hard when his parents are like a ball and chain around our necks we have planned to live together and one day have a family of our own but I don't want to do any of it while his parents are in the picture because to them we should be married and living together for 2 years before we think about having kids and I should have a job if we listen to them we will never do anything. I do love my boyfriend a lot I just can't stand his parents right now and they won't like me very much when I eventually explode and tell them to f off. He agrees too much with what they say and he doesn't know how to protect me from them because he thinks everything they say is right.

I'd rather just be back at home with my mum and dad and not have to deal with his parents anymore.

All you have to do is tell your parents you want to move back. Let them support you. Then once you are settled back at your parents you can maybe deal with your relationship with your bfriend and his parents a bit better.

Good luck OP. You can do it!

Thank you eddielizzard I think I will move back home and ask my parents to help me get my stuff back. I know they are overstepping the mark but my boyfriend and his parents don't see it that way at all.

agbnb I realise that one now but if I kept the boyfriend I would have to see them as well and right now they are just too much to deal with on top of everything else that I'm trying to deal with.

Gide I'm going to get everything back off them they said they where storing it for me because they think my house is too small. I'm not even sure why they even come round to my house or how that even started but I wish to christ they had never started coming round.

Ragusa we only really have my family to talk about it all and they tried to poision my mind against my mum by saying that she's toxic and controlling but she's trying to help me. No I don't think he has any kind of learning difficulty I think they just say that as a way of controlling him.

Ariesgirl1988 they really are batshit crazy. I think things would improve a lot if I just didn't have his parents in my life and I think they know that if I move back home they can no longer have a say in anything which they won't like at all. My mum would stand up to them and tell them where to get off and they know that which I think is why they don't want her involved in my life. It took my mum to explain to my boyfriend how toxic and controlling his parents are for him to realise just what they are really like because he had never noticed it before. When he moved out he did in secret and only told them he was moving out after he had got all of his stuff out. His parents have said that when we are eventually ready to go flat hunting they will go with us and if it has a kitchen that is too small his mum will say no to it.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy thank you you are so right I think I'm better off at home with my parents so that they can support me and help me I would probably be able to deal with boyfriend better and I would never have to see his parents again which would be a blessing in disagise.

I think you need someone to advocate for you, OP, and tell these people to return your belongings and never contact you again. They are stealing from you and abusing you, and they have no right to any kind of relationship with you, and no authority over you.
The boyfriend is useless - he's either as manipulative and dishonest as his family, or too spineless to stand up to them. If it's the latter, that's hard for him but you are not in a position to support him against them at present.

ReanimatedSGB I think I might ask my mum to be my advocate and ask them to return anything of mine because your right they are stealing from me and abusing me because they know about my mental health problems. Thank you your right they really don't. I think he's just too spineless to stand up to them because he doesn't know how to and I don't have in me to stand up to them for him.

So, basically they're stealing from you under the guise of 'storing' things? And they're trying to run your life, criticizing your mother and your BF is not only letting them, he's actively encouraging it by telling them your private business.

Please pack up and go home!! Like now. I know you want your stuff back, but unless they have things of yours that are expensive or very sentimental items, then you need to decide if what they have of yours is worth the hassle to get back.

What is your rental situation? Are you on a lease? Because if I were you (and if you can) I think I'd call my mum and say 'please come get me'.

AcrossthePond55 Yes thats everything in a nutshell. Its nothing sentimental thankfully its stuff that I can live without if it means that I don't have to deal with them. I have to give a months notice on my flat but I can completely move out during that month and just go back home I would just have to sell a lot of stuff because there is no room for it in my mums and my boyfriend said he would store it in his flat for me but if his parents see it in there they will think that I'm living there with him.

I also think that for now you would probably be better off at home withis your mum. You trust her and she sounds kind the in laws ... not so much. You can't fix your dp's relationship with his parents unfortunately. To be honest he doesn't sound useless as much as, well, controlled, intimidated and totally dependent on themy, almost like they haven't allowed him to be an adult.

I hope things look up for you soon. It sounds tough.

More to the point it sounds like going home to your mum is what you want! Which is the best reason for doing it.

I bet they're using every single item they claim to be 'storing' for you ...

this is coercive controlling behaviour.... you need to tell someone who can help you

I think you'd be better to cut ties with your BF, love. He's so entangled with his parents that he will probably never be free of them. And that means that YOU will never be free of them.

You need to, and deserve to, concentrate on yourself and whatever healing you feel you need to do. It's the only way to become the happiest and best you that you can be. And you can't do that when you're enmeshed with someone who is not in a mentally healthy place. It takes too much energy away from what you need to do for yourself. And your bf is NOT in a mentally healthy place.

Someday there will be the right someone for you. And once you've done the work you need to do to heal yourself you'll be in the right place to recognize him when he comes into your life.

Thank you Ragusa right now I would give anything to be at home with my parents they would know what to do. No unfortuantly as much as I would like to I really can't fix that relationship that's it in a nutshell you just hit the nail on the head he is controlled by them and totally dependent on them they haven't allowed him to be an adult they still think of him as being a child who needs them and he doesn't but they will never let him grow up and it doesn't matter what I say because he will never see that they are too controlling and toxic. Thank you it is really tough I want to keep my relationship and ditch the his parents but that will never happen will it.

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater

I promise you that is the reason they are trying to push u away from your mum because they know she will take no shit! Your bf parents have no right to have a say in your life! and they had no right to take your things technically speaking that's theft! It sounds like you mum is very supportive why not ask her and the rest of your family to get your stuff back?

Ragusa going home to my parents is what I want because am safe there away from his parents and their meddling and I can sort myself out.

Gemini69 I think they are using all the things that they where "storing" for me. I'm going to tell my mum whats going on she will help me so will my sister.

AcrossthePond55 your so right he really is in deep and tangled up in everything that goes on with his parents he would never go against what they say which means that if I stay with him I will forever have to deal with him dancing to his parents tune and doing what they want him to do. My mum did warn him that I would eventually blow up and tell them to get lost and I blew up at the weekend shame they weren't here to see that one.

OP, do you tend to have excessive amounts of stuff? Do other people think it is excessive amounts?

What reason do you think your partner's parents would give as to why they are looking after your stuff?

Ariesgirl1988 your right that is why they where trying to get me to push my mum away but she's always been there to try and help me and she would stand up to them in a heartbeat and they wouldn't like it. Your right they can sit there and say what they like but they can't have a say over me and what I do. She is really supportive I have just asked her if I can move back home she would help me get my stuff back if I needed her too.

Haffiana No I don't have a lot of stuff I moved from a very small bedsit in to a one bedroom flat and didn't bring very much with me.

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater

I'm so glad your mum is supportive. What has she said re: this situation? they're behaviour is not normal and the fact that your bf brother lives in Canada and bf dad's family have nothing to do with them is very telling clearly they see what a nightmare he and the mother are. Telling the brother he has learning difficulties despite the fact he clearly lives independently and has a job shows that they belittle him for control. Sadly if you want to break free from this situation it seems that you're gonna have to break off the relationship because if they're like this now if you and he marry or have kids they will get a whole lot worse! People like this don't ever change best to cut them all out of your life and focus on getting better

Ariesgirl1988 she wants me back home even she can see how controlling they are and that they are not good for either of us but i can't get my boyfriend away from them. His dad's family have never liked my boyfriends mum they call her the other woman because my boyfriends dad was still married when he got with her. He does live indepentaly and has a good job but they still like to make my boyfriend believe that he's one step behind the rest of the world and he's not at all. I can see them getting a whole lot worse if we where to get married and have kids and I wouldn't be able to keep our kids away from them.

Please move back home, cut ties with BF and demand your stuff back. You could threaten small claims court Make it clear to him why you have stepped back from the relationship. These people sound toxic

@Shootfirstaskquestionslater

No wonder the mother checks the dads fb if he cheated with her he's probs cheated on her. As for the brother sounds he did good moving countries LOL as for your bf since he knows no different he probs things this is normal but if it was me and someone was invading my life the way they are I would show them the door and tell them exactly where they could go!

fruitcorner123 I have asked my mum if I can move back home and she is willing to let me come back it was the last thing I wanted to do at my age but needs must and it will only be until I am back on my feet again. I will be getting my stuff back off them they are not keeping it even if I have to go round there with my mum in tow to get it back.

Ariesgirl1988 I knwo right she went through the divorce with him from his first wife the family loved his first wife and they all hate my boyfriends mum she managed to get my boyfriends dad away from his mum said that she was controlling and toxic I bet she isn't. Oh god yeah he had the right idea shame my boyfriend will never wake up and realise how bad his parents really are move away from them but he thinks its all normal and to anyone with half brain that family is far from normal. If I was strong enough to I would tell them where to go but am not strong enough to on my own.

I think you need to be very organised. Write a list/schedule of everything required for you to move home with your mother. Also, write down everything stored with his parents. The reason I say this is because your BF bullying and overbearing parents will badger and bamboozle you and get you off track. Having a list to refer to will help at the times when you are upset and overwhelmed.

Is there anyone who can stay with you until you move? Better still is there someone who will stand up to BF parents? If not, then have some replies ready to spout when the parents try to bully you. Stand firm !