Step children

[Patricia786]

I have been married to a lovely man for a couple of years now and the only problem is is adult children (men in their 20's) He had long since been divorced when I first met him (he left his wife when she admitted her affairs) Its to long a story to explain the meaness of his children, I have tried everything and I am now at the stage where they can go to hell, I have had enough of their nastiness. AIBU?

So they don't address Christmas cards to you but do buy you gifts?

And OP stop seeing them as your step children. I suspect this is at the root of the problem. You only got to know them as adults. They are your partners adult kids. You are not a step mum and they are not your step kids.

Your problem is your DH.

Yes I would add that you need to stop seeing them as your step children. You've only known them since they've been adults.

I think some of the things you’re getting upset about like the presents may be just them not really knowing what you do and don’t like. Others like the invites and Xmas cards are a snub. No, I would not want to be subsidising people, who are rude to you. Can you tell your husband no more money seeing as it’s yours?

The money they frequently borrow from their father is usually my money (I earn more than him) he rarely gets it back

This sounds like he is trying to buy their affection. Have you discussed it with him?

They sound mean. It’s bad that it’s all of them that behave like that. I don’t know why you bother sending cards etc. I wouldnt bother.

I would also stop letting them have your money. Can you separate your finances from your husbands?

I just pretend they don’t exists. Your husband can carry on seeing them but I’d not get involved.

Thank you everyone for your advice, the Bank of Patricia is now officially closed. I agree with everything you say Tara, things were great with everyone until their father and I got our first house together too. I have a step mum and step sisters and we all get along so well, even my mum and step mum are friendly.

Good. I hope you find relief and that it doesn’t cause too many issues.