To enjoy the 'housewife' role?

[StylishMummy]

I will start this by saying I am passionate about the end of the gender pay gap, freedom for girls/women to pursue whichever career they desire and the end of misogynistic culture that has held the UK for so long.

BUT

I feel like I'm betraying these values, DH & I have DD1 at home and I'm on mat leave with DD2 who's currently in NICU. I usually work full time but nothing particularly taxing. This morning after expressing, I made DH a coffee in a travel mug, put him a lunch together and literally waved him off at the door calling 'have a good day' in my dressing gown. I've then spent an hour cleaning and generally tidying before DD wakes up. I've finally sat with a coffee and realised how much joy this brings me. Everyday I enjoy making dinner and seeing my little family enjoy it. I love my little house & take pride in having a nice place to live. I like to try and make an effort with my appearance.

This has all got me very concerned that I'm going to be sending mixed messages to my DDs. I want them growing up doing whatever they want to do, but if their Mum is so content just being a 'housewife', then isn't that going to dampen their self expectations? I'm so confused! This may be a total non-issue but I'm so sleep deprived it's actually a real worry.

Can I enjoy this life where I don't set the world on fire, without instilling traditional gender roles in DDs?

My mum was a SAHM and I am a professional. (I worked 2 days a week for 16 years though.)

So my parents' arrangement didn't dampen my expectations, quite the opposite. My mum was a housewife in every sense of the word, a servant in reality. I left home unable to cook or iron or work a washing machine - completely clueless. If it had all been domestic bliss, I may have felt differently, but my mum complained a lot (but didn't accept any help).

My boys are being raised in an entirely different world and can happily cook, clean, do laundry - anything. If I had daughters, I would hate the thought of them not working at all as I think there's more to life. But that's because of my own experiences. I have one friend that has never worked and now her children are almost grown, she feels like she's achieved nothing for herself.

Of course you can! I have been a SAHM for 14years. Loved it, still do most days. Hasn't stopped my girls and boy following their paths and middle dd definately didn't go for something typical.
I have 4 dc 3 girls 1boy. Eldest dd is training to teach, middle dd will be a fully qualified mechanic at 16 with all her gcses done as well, ds is going into forensics. And as for the baby who knows - give her wings and she will fly.

If anything being at home for me meant they had stability and as much support as I could throw at them. It was our choice as a family and continues to be the right one for us, doesn't suit everyone so go with what works for you and your brood.

There is nothing at all wrong with loving nurturing and nourishing your young family. Re: feminism, what did you have in mind? Striding around in a trouser suit reciting Simone de Beauvoir?! Nobody is asking or expecting you to 'give up' on your beliefs.

I love being at home
I've had some stressful jobs and never thought I'd take to staying at home
I think that our family are happier for it .
Meals are cooked from scratch , the dog is always walked and the house is always clean

The difference is you have a choice.

I’d have thought most people would enjoy not having to work. I expect most lottery winners quit their jobs. It’s not a niche position.

I actually do really like my job but if I had sufficient funds I’d quit and do the parts I like on a part time volunteer basis.

SURELY feminism is about having the CHOICE ?!

I don't believe so. Feminism is about equal opportunity and in reality, how many couples have an equal conversation about who stays home and who earns the cash to fund that? How many threads on here justify SAHMs with "He earns more, it makes sense for me to be the one to not work" It's not a level playing field. And sadly, power and control sits with whoever earns the money.

You can make your choice. But recognise that not every woman has the same freedom to make that choice. And be very aware of what being a non wage earner means in the longterm. I would be gutted if either of my DDs chose not to work for any extended period.

And I'll admit that my views are tainted by many of my friends who chose to be a SAHM, and now find themselves with an XH, DCs flown the nest, and minimum wage jobs way beneath their abilities. It's a choice that often comes with unintended consequences.

Hope your baby is doing well OP

I used to have a great job, but gave it up 3 years ago to become a SAHM, which is what I’d always hoped to do (and DH was fully supportive of this). I had a few niggling worries like yours about 2 years in - mostly due to comments from friends along the lines of ‘shouldn’t you be going back to work now?’ or ‘it’s alright for some’ but I hope that my DDs will grow up seeing what a great team DH and I make, how we both contribute to the family and household in different but equally important ways, how we support each other in our choices, how my degree wasn’t ‘a waste’ because I had a thoroughly enjoyable career for 11 years prior to having kids and that working term time only/part time once they start school so I can be there for them after school, help with homework, facilitate activities and have loads of family time in the school holidays is a positive thing. I hope to revisit my career/a new career when my DDs are older so hopefully that will also show them another side to their Mum... I realise everybody’s circumstances are different and it’s not a choice for everyone but if you’re enjoying being a SAHM then do just that...enjoy it!

I agree that it is about choice but that it is a choice that often has unintended consequences. And I think that one of those consequences is that your children will not have seen a two-career family model. Dh and I both had either SAHMs or mums who worked short days during term time. The result is that we both find it really hard to figure out how to make family life work with two parents with big careers - it's not the model we grew up with and it often feels like we are feeling stressed or guilty because our family life doesn't look anything like what we grew up with... I haven't explained that very well!

Fruitcocktail6

www.coursera.com

I was raised by a mother who was a SAHM (following a successful career) and a working father, and I'm now a SAHM of 4 years.

I'm passionate about equal opportunities, equality etc etc and had a successful professional career (pre children) in a male dominated industry.

I love being a 'house wife', and I don't think it's wrong at all. Surely there's no shame in running your house and caring for your children. Just like there's no shame in working outside the home too.

At the end of the day, you do what's right for your family and it doesn't really matter what others think.

Many a day in recent months have I wished I didn't have to commute to work in the freezing cold at 7.30am....would be lovely to have more time with dd and pottering at home. (At least you can do housework in your PJs....I do!)

But then I have my own savings, investment, pension and earning capacity. I'd be having sleepless nights about death/illness/divorce/old age if I didn't. Which would make it harder to enjoy being at home, for me.

don't swallow propaganda such as the gender pay gap

Er...(whispers it)...sadly its a fact, not propaganda.

It's not 1950, and women are no worse off after a marriage break up when they haven't had a job for 20 years, than they are if they stayed in work.

Erm, that's quite a big claim telstar. Do you follow the case law on spousal maintenance much? What are you actually basing this on?

don't swallow propaganda such as the gender pay gap

Tell that to Martina Navratilova- paid a tenth of what fellow male pundit macenroe was.

Outside the context of any marriage/child rearing Etc.

The problem lies in you OP!

If you have the attitude of “just a housewife” how can you expect your children to respect it?

Oh and if you are passionate about equality, make sure your children observe your DH ironing and cooking once in a while.

Essentially been a sahm after having ds2. I have 6 kids and all have had gap travels and in/finished/going to uni. Love it. Hated the juggling of career and kids.
Dh and I are 100% equal and it’s grest.

Do what suits you and yours op.