Sharing bed with a newborn

[lamii]

Baby is 2.5 weeks. DH wants to share our bed with him and he puts him by his side. It really scares me, I believe that it's dangerous. He keeps insisting and I am terrible nights as we fight and I prepare all the bottles - I struggle breastfeeding and do it only daytime. I have seen baby rolling over and ending up the face between DHs back and the mattress. DH says that I lie.
Baby seems to fall asleep quicker when he is in our bed but he is also able to sleep in his cot by next to our bed-it just takes more time/effort.
Aibu to not want bed sharing with our baby?

**Why's it not safe if you're formula feeding?

Women who bf are more likely to be aware of baby in bed, sleep lighter and rouse easier. Sleep cycles become in tune too. Think it’s due to hormones. It’s what studies of bf and ff mothers found. No criticism of ff.

Not sure how it would work for you as you do bf but in the day. Baby is NOT safe next to Dad. Please do not let baby sleep next to him!

I am all for safe co sleeping. Ds (1) has been in our bed since day 1 and always felt safe, but when tiny he was only next to me, no duvet, light clothing and bed guard. Do what you feel best, but research co sleeping safely if it’s what you decide to do. Ultimately baby is safest in cot if you are in doubt/feel you can’t follow strict guidelines.

I sleep with my newborn BUT my husband sleeps in another room. There is NO WAY I would sleep with a baby in the bed next to DH, it’s unsafe. You need to stop your husband doing this and be willing to argue. Nothing would be worse than losing a child.
Can your husband sleep elsewhere for a bit?

Get a co-sleeper cot! They are great and would make it safer for baby.

It's all about minimising risk - there is no definitive 'always safe'. I did it a bit but was BF (and also anxious so hyper aware). OH wouldn't dare when little as much as he would have liked to - safety first.

Next-to-me cot was brilliant to be able to sleep 'together' without fear of rolling and ability to just put hand in to settle without getting out of bed.

It is not safe to cosleep at that age with Dad. Only mum, and it is much safer if she is breastfeeding. Can you try feeding lying down. Honestly my sleep was soooooooooo much better with my breastfed cosleeping child than my formula fed child. Sleep was pretty much my sole reason for breastfeeding the second. Look up the safe sleep 7 for more details on safe cosleeping.

This doesn't sound safe to me.

A co sleeper on your side, as others have suggested, could be a alternative.

Another alternative that we sometimes did, that your husband might be happier with, is use a sleepyhead between the two of you in bed. This will prevent him rolling onto the baby or the baby getting smothered. Make sure any of your bed covers go under the sleepy head though so the baby doesn't get smothered or overheat. You need to have a least a king size bed though for this to be comfortable for you both as otherwise there's not enough room!

www.isisonline.org.uk

and asks google 'unicef cosleeping' for evidence based cosleeping information.

Ive always wondered, does anyone know if you use a Next 2 Me is that classed as co-sleeping? I use one but am not sure what to say when asked if I co-sleep.

I wouldn’t personally class a Next To Me crib as Co-sleeping, but I’m definitely not any sort of expert!

Can I just add that if you choose to co-sleep, you should check your mattress? We were advised (after buying a really expensive tempur one, grrrr) that memory foam mattresses aren't safe for co-sleeping because small babies can get their faces stuck in the foam whilst you're sleeping. so if you have a memory foam mattress either don't do it or check with the manufacturer if you're really keen to co-sleep.

We ended up using a Chico next to me with a sleepyhead inside it - and I spent most of the first 6 weeks upright on the sofa. Damn you, comfy memory foam!!!

(We had the side up on our next to me, so just used it as an ordinary crib!)

Same @ian.

We used the next to ne feature for just the first 7 weeks. Now it’s just an ordinary crib!

zintoc
Having the baby next to dad is not safe bed sharing

A co sleeping crib is what we used next to your bed. So baby has his own safe space and next to you.

You nor dh can roll on him.

If you are ever worried about your baby for any reason, not just co sleeping then it is important to listen to your instincts. You tell your dh no, I am sorry but safety first, he is not sleeping in the bed. End of.

It is esp dangerous near a man whom is so heavy.

I co slept with DS when he was a newborn. He would not settle in a crib, Sleepyhead or cot. One memorable night I spent 5 hours attempting it before deciding that it was going to ruin my mental health if I continued. Not all babies will sleep on their own, even in a side sleeping cot.

However, I think the way your DH is doing it is unsafe. Look up safe coalescing guidelines together.

And yes, the safest place for a newborn is on their own on their back at the bottom of a cot but some just don't get the memo. I decided to take the risk of cosleeping as I was getting around 1 hour of sleep a night.

You can co sleep but the baby must be next to you/inbetween you and the dad. You have to do it safely ie. No covers that can go over the face/ pillows (this includes your duvet!) We had the baby in the middle, no covers apart from a large celular blanket thats safe for new borns and i worn layers. However, we co slept because the baby would not settle AT ALL anywhere else. If you can settle in the moses basket and it just takes a little longer, just do that.

sorry i meant to say in between - but you MUST face baby, no backs to! x

If you do get a Co sleep crib make sure there is no gap or step between the crib and bed mattresses, and NEVER use it with a side half up. Not sure what's available outside the UK but here there have been safety recalls for products that allow partially raised sides. .

Technically co-sleeping means sharing a room, bed-sharing means what it sounds like. So sidecar cots are co-sleeping but not bed-sharing - assuming that the baby stays in the crib!

I agree with pp, your sleeping arrangements don't sound particularly safe at this age. A sidecar cot or putting the baby on the outside next to you would be better as long as you meet the other safe sleeping criteria. I think the issue with formula feeding and bed-sharing is that the child tends to sleep more deeply and is therefore more at risk.

Would you be willing to co-sleep/bed share if you and your DH researched it properly? If so, look research it together and come up with a plan on how you can do it safely and agree what DH (and you) has to do to reduce the risks.

I personally wouldn't take the chance. My DH would fall asleep while FF my LO (he was in his arms) and I would go mad at him. I hardly got any sleep because I would wake regularly to make sure he was back in his moses basket (LO, not DH). But, DH listened to my concerns over him falling asleep and took steps to prevent it (sitting upright, moving to a chair rather than the bed, reading/going on his phone etc..) it's not fair that your DH is dismissing your concerns and this also needs to be addressed.

I would never cosleep, whether mum dad ff or bf. I wouldn’t ever sleep worrying. Plus my baby slept in his moses basket next to the bed and slept well. Seems mad if yours will sleep in his crib happily! It’s a personal preference but as YOU disagree with it tell your husband it’s not happening!

Next time take a picture and show your DH. The cheek of it. I can’t believe that he accused you of lying.

I don't think it sounds that unsafe tbh if he is following guidelines. The reasons that they believe it is safer for BF mothers are to with the practices breastfeeding mothers tend to use, which he could certainly research and emulate. Between you in a sleepyhead is a much worse option in terms of safety!

Cosleeping does have more risk factors than a cot of course, but it's possible to make it safe. I agree with a bedside cot being a good idea. If DH feels that he may fall asleep while feeding your LO then safe cosleeping is a much better idea.

OP since it's normal where you are why not ask your midwife or child's doctor for advice about how they recommend to stay safe.

Herewegoagain no, I didn't read it as a criticism, it was a genuine question. True, I didn't really sleep while bed sharing, I was always half awake.