Do I have to give a reason why I don't want sex?

[ineedsleepasap]

DP says it's "perfectly fine for me to not want sex every night and is quite happy to cuddle" but seems to expect some kind of explanation as to why I don't want to have sex with him. If I just get into bed, cuddle up and fall asleep without explanation (this is very rare) he feels rejected and says it reminds him of his ex-wife. Sometimes I fall asleep quickly because I'm relaxed and really, really tired as am a single mum to 3 kids and am very physically active as don't drive so walk several miles a day. He comes over once the kids are in bed (and spends two weekends a month with me at my house), watches shite on tv then says "right bedtime!" about 2 hours later than when I go to bed normally so I'm already ready for sleep by then. I don't feel I should have to explain if I don't want sex. We do have sex most nights but if for whatever reason I don't fancy it because I'm tired, unwell, stressed or just not in the mood for no particular reason then he gets in a silent strop and starts stressing I'm like his EW if I don't explain why. AIBU to not want to explain every time?

Well done OP, you're worth far more than having a shitty boyfriend.

Totally don't get why your with him ...get a rabbit instead,at least you'd get sleep as they don't snore

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Excellent decision op

So he comes over part time for sex? But is actually crap and annoying in bed?

Why just why? Dump him op

After having RTFT I'm glad you've seen him for what he is OP.

Seeing as your bi monthly sleepovers are ostensibly for the purpose of having sex it’s not surprising why he is left wondering. However it is very poor form to go from wondering why you don’t want to have sex with him on the very rare occasion that you have the chance to actually asking you. Very poor manners. You aren’t helping either by not simply telling him that he likes to stay up too late for your liking. In your place I would just find someone more pleasant and try to improve your communication next time.

@OutyMcOutface He knows very well how knackered I am as he always comments on it. I think on the rare times I haven't wanted it I've drifted off quickly during cuddles and not actually been able to tell him why I don't fancy sex because I'm asleep. Then the next day he'll be upset. In the average month I'd say we have sex on all but one of the 8 or so nights we are together. On two of those nights we'll have sex twice. He says he has a very low sex drive and this is the most sex he's ever had so he's giving conflicting messages really. And he doesn't do communicating. I tried very hard in all areas of our relationship to communicate effectively as that's why my marriage broke down. But you can't communicate with someone who says you're criticising and just like his ex wife if you dare to want to discuss something he doesn't see as an issue. He doesn't his side of this as an issue-the problem is me not wanting sex. Doesn't matter now anyway as he's history.

Oh heck! He is just too much like hard work. Get rid, move on and do it ASAP. . He’s not enhancing your life at all. Good luck OP.

He seems so heavily focused on sex. I like sex, but it's not a main aspect of my relationship

@feska5 I really like sex too! My best mate looks stunned if I ever tell them I was too tired for sex because it's so unlike me.

Yes he is hard work. He makes me more tired I think.

Two hours of sex? No wonder you're not interested - sounds like he's just just grinding away trying to ejaculate. Doesn't that chafe after a while? Doesn't sound much fun.

So glad you’ve decided to get rid. Hard work and recrimination over occasionally not wanting sex are not things you need in your life. Next!