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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this erection situation....

60 replies

inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:11

So in this situation ...

New relationship. Would you, when kissing/lying on top each other/touching through clothes etc assume that when you reach to touch him he would at that stage be erect? I'm guessing there might be a bit of erectile dysfunction but dont want to jump to conclusions. I've certainly never had this with any other partner but then that was pre marriage/divorce so would have been younger and so would the men!! He is 50s.
AIBU to think erection should be happening before having to 'work' on it Hmm or is this normal at this stage in life?

OP posts:
ItsBeenAHellofaDay · 18/03/2018 11:12
Hmm
Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:16

Why Hmm

OP posts:
YetAnotherUser · 18/03/2018 11:16

When I was 18, yes.

Takes quite a bit more these days, and I'm mid 30's

KinkyAfro · 18/03/2018 11:17

Maybe post in the sex topic, it's a bit early

MysticFlyTrap · 18/03/2018 11:18

They do say older men have a few issues

Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:18

Just a straight forward question though. Nothing kinky. Just wondered if at his age this is normal.

OP posts:
Thesecondtoast · 18/03/2018 11:21

He could be very small?

Fishcakey · 18/03/2018 11:22

OH nearly 50 and it varies. Sometimes it won't go down, other times it's dormant. Just life. He ain't 15!!!

NorthEndGal · 18/03/2018 11:24

As I'm sure you know, just like women, each man is different.
Some may take a while to get there, some are ever ready, and some may be never ready.
You can't compare all men like that looking for an answer specif to your man, iyswim

MysticFlyTrap · 18/03/2018 11:24

Give it a good going over i guessWink

topcat2014 · 18/03/2018 11:26

At 18, I could just "think" one into existence.
At 47, I need a bit of physical intervention.

Still get there though.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:26

thesecond he's not. He has a normal average sized penis. We have had sex before. Have been dating for a few months. But on a few occasions have thought possible ED. And last time after lots of rolling around quite passionate kissing was surprised to find not a hint of an erection. I don't want to jump to conclusions but the more times we are together the more I think maybe there is an issue.

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 18/03/2018 11:27

duh - I am only 46.. wishes life away

BuckleTrow · 18/03/2018 11:30

But if you have had sex surely he does manage it.

bobstersmum · 18/03/2018 11:31

I think it's normal in 50s to need to waken the beast! If he gets there in the end what's the problem? Try dating a younger guy if it's damaging your pride..

Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:32

We do manage it. After a bit of work it gets there but then I almost find he seems to struggle to keep it and often seems like it's hard work for him to maintain it/ejaculate during sex/foreplay. I suppose it just feels quite fragile, like any minute it could go.

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:34

Its not damaging my pride. Im just wondering if this is the norm. Im not bothered if it is.

OP posts:
user1490465531 · 18/03/2018 11:37

Op is asking a reasonable question don't know why all the funny replies.
I think it's to early to tell right now was he drinking a bit before? know alcohol can have a negative effect on a man's erection.
I would expect a man to get hard fairly quick after getting intimate for a few minutes but all the men I've had sex with were under 40.

user1490465531 · 18/03/2018 11:39

My friend is dating a man in his 50s and she said he can get hard fairly quick and maintain it so I'd say it's not always common for a man in his 50s.

Bitchywaitress · 18/03/2018 11:42

Quite commen to have to work for it for young men and old. Depends on the man and I've seen a lot before DH Blush

Ryder63 · 18/03/2018 11:43

I think perfectly normal in the 50s. If you feel able to discuss this with him, he could visit his GP for tests, and may be offered viagra or similar if it is indeed only age related?

Teutonic · 18/03/2018 11:43

It's perfectly normal for a man of his age to be unable to ' stand on demand ' or even to be able to maintain an erection. It's nothing to do with his health, libido or even his attraction to you, its just a normal stage of his life.
A little bit like how some menopausal or post menopausal women suffer from dryness. The mind is willing, but the body isn't.
Mr Teutonic can be like a rampant bull one day and the next I could dance naked on the table with a rose stuck up my arse and I may as well be reciting my shopping list for all the reaction it gets.
It's perfectly normal, please stop worrying.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:45

Thanks user , no alcohol no. But on one occasion when we were out he did refuse to share the wine I'd brought saying nothing would happen physically if he had some.
As I said, not being a dick about it, just wondered if this is fairly common/normal at this stage in life. I've been married since mid 20s and so little experience of men this age.

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 18/03/2018 11:47

Thanks teutonic your post made me laugh and is reassuring. Thank you

OP posts:
rodgerrelated · 18/03/2018 11:47

I don't think it isn't normal, but I also think emotional and psychological aspects could be a big part of it. Having had the same partner for a long time, though mostly he becomes erect when we are ready to dtd just by thinking about it and stays that way and it isn't fragile, there was a period of emotional upset when he struggled as you are referring to. He is late 40s.

When I was much younger, I met a guy who told me he had issues but with a bit of tlc he was fine. Turned out it was emotional backlog from an earlier relationship, where he had been very hurt and that had temporarily affected his todger. He was very relieved to find it all in good working order again.

But it could be physical. And normal for his age.