DP wants a lie in every weekend

[IWantALieIn]

Not sure who is BU here. He says me, I say him.

I have a toddler from a previous relationship, who doesn’t see his dad. DP is very good, looks after him like he’s he’s dad and is very good at housework, cleaning, whereas I am shit at it. DP is helpful, kind and generally wonderful.

However he sleeps 12 hours a day. He says he needs to and it’s not a choice. Therefore, he can’t get up in the morning. I harassed him to go to the GPs and his thyroid seems to be slightly underactive and he's got a follow up for that. He also has depression, as do I, but he says his sleep has been like this since before he was depressed.

Now here’s the issue. DS gets up at 6am. He sometimes doesn’t sleep through. We have the agreement that DP will get up in the night, because he doesn’t like mornings, I’ll get up with DS.

However, on the nights DS sleeps through, DP still thinks I should get up every morning because “he needs 12 hours sleep”. I said we should take it in turns, so one night he sleeps through, DP gets up in the morning, next night I do it, or vice versa. He says this isn’t fair because he needs his sleep and I said I’d do the mornings. I said but otherwise I get no benefit of DS sleeping.

I also have bad joints, and take prescription painkillers. In a morning, in the winter, my joints are stiff and sore and I can’t take my meds if I’m looking after DS alone.

Is he being u? He says I am because he does most of the housework and needs his sleep. I also think maybe I am because DS isn’t his son?

[ThickSn0ww]

12 hours sleep, leaves the rest of the time to work, eat, hobbies, sport, travel, relax, caring responsibilities per day etc

[IWantALieIn]

What snow?

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

Your boyfriend is not ill, and his “depression” sounds more like to be because he has no motivation in his life.

Educate yourself. Depression CAUSES lack of motivation.

[NinjagoNinja]

How have you both recently finished university, in March? What have you been doing since last June?

[Bookangel]

Gosh what a lot of excuses you make OP. I take dihydrocodeine and am a single mum to 3 children. I was single from before I found out I was pregnant with LO who is now 3 and I've never had any involvement from Dad. It's been me on my own from day one, on strong painkillers, and coping with three. I take my meds and walk the two older ones to school which is a 2.5 mile round trip. Come home do housework and whatever bits and bobs need doing, attend groups with LO and do shopping before heading back to school to get the older ones. Then it's cooking dinner, baths and bed. I collapse into bed each night around 8pm and then get up at 6.30am to do it all again. There's no lie ins, no respite. I go to bed early because I know I need that much sleep. My point being that when you have children you have to adapt your life to their needs. You can't laze in bed because you need 12 hours. Hell, I need 12 hours but I can't have it because I have responsibilities. He took in the relationship knowing you had a child. Like someone else said he can't dip in and out as suits him. He's either in or he's out. Quite frankly you've got a man child and from experience they don't grow up so dump his pathetic ass now.

[pigeondujour]

Is it absolutely fair to call him a man child when he's doing all of the housework for three people? I don't think anyone's covering themselves in glory here, but he's doing about 100% more housework and night wakings than either of the kid's parents.

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

Op I want to give you a big hug and tell all the nasty posters to shut up and fuck off now
I wish you well with everything you have on your plate and hope things are better for you in the future ( think you need yo get off those opiates as that's a shit load)

[IWantALieIn]

Nofunkingworriesmate thank you. some people are just rude.

[Bookangel]

I'm intrigued as to how you both managed to complete a university degree with such high level needs and low level abilities. Well done on achieving that but I actually have concerns for your child who is growing up in a household where no one is coping with anything from the sounds of it. I'm glad you're going to push for better diagnosis and treatment at the drs but it's likely you'll just have to earn to cope. It's going to be a huge shock for both of you when DP gets a job and no longer is there to do housework. I'm not sure how much skill it takes to run a hoover and duster around the place. Who does laundry? How do you manage to shop? Do you drive?

[IWantALieIn]

such high level needs and low level abilities

Both of us are intelligent and have plenty of ability, thanks. Take your rude comments elsewhere.

[MummytoCSJH]

For the sake of the relationship yes he should be helping and get up even if it is irregularly. I can see where the PPs are comign from as it isn't his son but if he treats him that way in everything other than this.. he can't just pick and choose what's convenient. You're either a family who compromises or you're not. Just wanted to add that I can't look after my son on tramadol either. Hugs OP I understand how bad chronic pain can be when dealing with a young child (and trying lots of different meds to combat it!) X

[Babyplaymat]

But he obviously managed to get up, study, work through a degree etc, what has changed? Who did your housework etc then?

[DeathStare]

For the sake of the relationship yes he should be helping and get up even if it is irregularly

In that case shouldn't the OP also take her share of getting up in the night with her DS? And split the housework?

[VladmirsPoutine]

I don't think @Bookangel is trying to stick the boot in. They are asking very valid questions. How have you both managed to cope in life thus far?

I do think both of you will be in for a shock once you both enter the real world. The squabbles you have now will seem meagre in comparison once you both get jobs and have to negotiate the working world with a child. Especially if you have a pre-existing condition for which the medication renders you 'out of it' for a couple of hours and him insisting on 12-hour sleeps.

[FluffyWuffy100]

He’s doing loads of housework and night wakings.

It’s not even his child!

No way should he have to get up with the child as well.

[boboismylove]

I'm really genuinely confused at the posters who think there is something majorly wrong here.

These are two people who presumably graduated from uni 6 months ago. One is doing a course, the other should be looking for work. This is incredibly normal - 40% are still looking for work 6 months after graduating. And their situation is made more complicated due to health problems and a toddler.

The OP has a supportive mum and partner, that's hardly her fault.

[IWantALieIn]

Both of us lived at home. I have a lot of support from my mum, because she was unexplained pain too and understands. We both support each other.

DP and I only ever argue over minor stuff. Big stuff, we always manage to sort out. It’s quite unusual.

[ArnoldBee]

My hubby has various medical conditions which to be honest means he shouldn't be able to get out of bed and with his medications is even harder. In a relationship this us difficult to cope with even more with young children however we adapted accordingly and are now thankfully at the stage where the children sort themselves out in the morning.
It's important to recognise that your dp may not being lazy but genuinely does need the sleep. So if that's the case how can you adapt?

[DeathStare]

I'm really genuinely confused at the posters who think there is something majorly wrong here

I think the issue is that the OP and her DP currently have very few demands on them (not their fault at all) and the OP has a great deal of practical support from her DP and her mother, and is asking for even more support from her DP.

I think people are just suggesting that things may get even tougher when either the OP or her DP has a job (so more demands on their time) and her DP may well then have to cut back on the support he is already giving. The OP is going to have to find some way of coping with this.

[boboismylove]

@DeathStare I see

re. the housework thing, I understand some people are naturally messy and disorganised - I'm one of those people, but when I became a lone parent without practical support I became forced to adapt and at least do the minimum! I'm sure you'll do more as DP goes to work.

I also get a brilliant cleaner once a fortnight - 50 quid a month. Something to maybe think about in the future if you can afford it.

[Bookangel]

@pigeondujour I was referring to the gaming and insisting on lounging in bed when I said man-child. Should have made myself clearer. I think it's great he does what he does but my ex husband was like this and never grew up. Insisting on lie-ins and staying up til 1am gaming or going out with his mates and staying out all night. It's not the actions of someone who has chosen to be a family man.
@IWantALieIn when I saw low level skills I was referring to your inability to do housework and inability to organise yourself. I didn't question your intelligence. I don't need to.

[cherryontopp]

YABVU!

You have a partner who treats your son as his own, he works, does the house work and willing to get up in the night if your child wakes up...and you have the audacity to complain about him not doing getting up with your child?!
Your lucky that he does so much, he has no obligation to do anything with your son.

As for sleeping all the time, if he works, does his share of house work then is it a really big problem? If you think its a health problem then yes he should see the GP.

As far as your son goes, if you get up in the morning with him, your choice to have a child, not your DPs!

[IntoTheFloodAgain]

@cherryontopp did you skip the rest of the thread?

[OutyMcOutface]

I think that you are a bit ungrateful here. Without him you would be doing this entirely alone you know.

[VladmirsPoutine]

@cherryontopp Wind your neck in and RTFT.