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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think we shouldn't really have to pay for this?

57 replies

KittenBeast · 17/03/2018 20:32

Sil is getting married, I'm a bridesmaid, OH is a groomsman, I've never been 'in' a wedding before so this is completely new to me, is it usual to have to pay for your own alterations on the dress (dress was paid for by bride but was very inexpensive, alterations are costing me £40) and suit hire (£100) clothing that has specifically been chosen by the bride for you to wear? Genuine ask. Honestly don't know if I'm BU for being a tad fucked off?

OP posts:
DoneDisappeared · 17/03/2018 20:34

I thought the done thing in the UK is that the bride & groom cover the costs

retirednow · 17/03/2018 20:35

I would have paid for it for you and oh, what is a groomsman

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2018 20:36

It's fairly normal and anything goes. Some will pay, some won't, neither is abnormal.

Original poster
KittenBeast · 17/03/2018 20:37

@retirednow groomsman is pretty much the male equivalent of a bridesmaid

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/03/2018 20:38

A groomsman is the Male equvalent of a bridesmaid, he walks her up the aisle or rather, they walk up together.

GoldenHefalump · 17/03/2018 20:38

I bought the dresses but bms paid for their own alterations. We paid the suit hire though.

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2018 20:38

Ha! Snap...

Whatififall · 17/03/2018 20:39

It's usual for the bride & groom to pay for outfits. Including alterations.
I paid for bridesmaids dresses and suit hire. When I've been bridesmaid I have had the dress paid for.
Shoes are usually your own responsibility although SIL paid when I was bridesmaid as she wanted us all to wear the same and they were very hideous distinctive so probably definitely would not wear them again.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 17/03/2018 20:39

I would be querying who gets to keep the dress if you both 'invested' money into it.

seasidelife · 17/03/2018 20:40

We paid for everything that we made people wear, I think there can/should be a discussion on affordability BEFORE the purchases are finalised to make sure that whoever is paying can afford it. I don't agree that anyone should be forced to part with money just because it fits into someone else's plans.

troodiedoo · 17/03/2018 20:41

It's basic decency for the happy couple to cover all costs for attire for bridesmaids and best man. Why should you be out of pocket?

But I've seen plenty of comments on here from brides that have made them pay, and see nothing wrong with it.

MammaTJ · 17/03/2018 20:43

Do you have a friend who can do alterations? I have done a few wedding dresses and bridesmaid's dresses for friends. Apparently I am not shit at it.

CandyMelts · 17/03/2018 20:43

I'd expect anything they choose for you to wear to be paid for, so suits, dress, specific shoes, professional makeup etc. Same with hotel room if you have to stay night before the wedding.
Alterations is probably a grey area, I wouldn't chuck my toys out the pram if I had to pay them, they'd be less than a new dress/hat if you were a guest

ShutUpBaz · 17/03/2018 20:45

DH and I paid for everything for the wedding party down to shoes, alterations, hair, make-up etc. If the B&G want specific looks/items, they should pay.

KarmaStar · 17/03/2018 20:47

You should not be paying for this,you have been asked to carry out a 'duty 'at the the wedding,they chose the outfits,it is their wedding,they asked you to wear them,they should therefore pay.
You have other costs no doubt in relation to this wedding and I think the happy couple should have included this in their budget.I

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 17/03/2018 20:52

Well I'd say the bride should have paid. But one scenario I know of is of a friend (bride) who offered to go shopping with her bridesmaid for her dress. Bridesmaid (BM) refused and said buy me a size 12 any dress, bride pointed out that the BM usually wore 16. BM insisted she was going to lose weight for the wedding. Bride encouraged bridesmaid to buy the bigger size and have it brought in if need be, but BM insisted. Of course wedding day came and the dress was still two sizes too small (so a very expensive alteration needed as panels had to be put in) bride left the bridesmaid to pay, I think quite rightly so. So all scenarios are different.

😂 that was a longer story than planned!

AskBasil · 17/03/2018 20:54

If a bridesmaid has to pay for her own dress, she gets to choose it.

MauriceTheSpaceCowboy · 17/03/2018 20:59

It varies a lot, I wouldn’t get annoyed about it tbh.

Skippetydoodah · 17/03/2018 21:00

I've been a bridesmaid once (DB and ex-SIL) and was told what dress to go and buy, and then had to get my own shoes etc, which I was allowed to choose myself. Dress was about 100 quid and I was so pissed off at the time as I knew I'd never wear it again, but my family kept insisting it was normal for bridesmaids to buy their own outfits. Still seems out of order to me!

BubblesBubblesBubbles · 17/03/2018 21:01

I paid for dh’s suit and his best man.

I also paid for the bridesmaids dress and to get them altered, (dresses were £25 quid each from eBay and alterations about £10 on the 2 which needed doing) I did ask for the bridesmaids to buy their own shoes they were £10.99 I think. They did their own hair and make up, I wouldn’t of dreamed of asking them to pay.

This was a case of this is my circus and I wouldn’t let my monkeys pay!!

Original poster
KittenBeast · 17/03/2018 21:01

Wedding is also on a weekday, quite a while away, so we're losing 2 days wages, and forking out for a hotel.

OP posts:
restingbemusedface · 17/03/2018 21:04

Don’t want to derail the thread, but interested in @aprilmay’s comment - surely the bridesmaid always keeps the dress no matter who paid?

Petalflowers · 17/03/2018 21:05

The bride and groom should pay.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 17/03/2018 21:05

Completely unreasonable you should not have to incur any expense. I hate that people are now claiming that making bridesmaids and groomsmen pay is acceptable, it's seriously cheeky and your correct not to want to pay.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 17/03/2018 21:06

When I was a bridesmaid bride paid for the dress and we paid for any alterations. This seemed fair enough to me to be honest, as one bridesmaids dress had to be taken out due to a weight gain and another's due to being pregnant. The dresses fit when we picked them so I don't see why the bride should have to pay to have them altered Blush

But then I suppose every situation is different.

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