To think this baby shower was inappropriate?

[pagefruits1991]

I went to a baby shower last weekend, for a very close friend. It took months of planning between all the girls involved (mum to be did not 'know').
It cost me £30 plus gifts and travel. The £30 was to cover cheap games bought online and afternoon tea at a local cafe. It also covered m2b and a couple of bottles of booze.
The other girls bought loads of alcohol with this money (processco, we're celebrating! ) which I didn't think was appropriate as the m2b wouldn't be having any, I wouldn't as I was driving and it was at lunchtime on a Sunday.
The afternoon tea wasn't that nice, cheap buns from asda kind of affair and a few sandwiches.
The girls then got a bit lairy and carried on in the local bar with m2b in tow but I went home.
Is it just me or was that a party for them, not for her? I was planning a lovely party with lots of decorations, games, a buffet and cake at my home which would of been free of course but was trumped by the others wanting it to be special.
I also work in catering and offered to make high end cakes etc but my suggestion was actually ignored.
Have babyshowers/hen parties etc etc just got completely out of hand or am I getting old?

They sound like a bunch of immature drunks. The party was about them getting a drink not the mum to be.

Such a shame! You are right! Buy a few bottles to toast but when I’ve been to baby showers the emphasis has been on the afternoon tea or cakes etc as the bride would enjoy it.

Taking her to a pub afterwards? That’s awful!!

Sounds more like a hen party than a baby shower to be honest !

You had lovely ideas, unfortunately they weren't listened to.
I think your version would have been lovely!
How did M2B like the baby shower?
I've not heard of any baby showers where there has been more than a glass of champagne on offer, with non alcoholic equivalent for the M2B. Maybe I'm behind the times...

Depends if this is mtb usual style pre baby and that's what her friends are like

Showers are naff.

Did the mum to be enjoy it? Maybe she didn't mind not being able to drink. Lots of people don't like baby showers so maybe they thought this would be more fun. I wouldn't have enjoyed it though.

Why have baby showers become a "thing" over here? I know they have them in the US, just another one of their traditions coming here, like Halloween.

Well ok, m2b might have loved it but from here it sounds as if you were ripped off by a bunch of opportunists sniffing the chance to get themselves some funded prosecco.

Depends what the M2B likes I guess - maybe she prefers what they planned versus what you had in mind. Definitely cheeky of them to buy loads of booze though, you’ve effectively subsidised their drinking session which would piss me off

It only matters if m2b was happy and enjoyed herself. Did she? There's a lot of "I" and what you want in the op but did the m2b enjoy it or was she unhappy?

The whole baby shower thing isn’t a bit odd anyway isn’t it?, mother could have a late miscarriage or still birth. I wouldn’t celebrate untill the baby is born.

She did seem to enjoy it, however it just seemed like a booze up. I appreciate there was a lot of 'I' or 'me me me' in my post but I am having a rant

What about that made it a baby shower?! It doesn't sound remotely like one.

If I was the M2B I'd be happy my friends enjoyed themselves so much (I'd feel bad if they'd been made to sit around drinking tea and playing games that they didn't enjoy)

It wouldn't have be my idea of fun when pregnant (watching others getting lairy and then getting by dragged off to the pub) I'd have much preferred OP's high end cakes!

I think all baby showers are inappropriate.

I also think it's inappropriate to prioritise your wishes and desires ahead of the m2b, as by your posts she had a good time and there's nothing to say she'd have preferred nibbling on high end cakes in your living room.

My mum threw a baby shower for me she had cocktails and mocktails and most people opted for the mocktails out of respect. Would have been rubbish time if I had been the only sober one having to put up with a load of drunks.

God no, woe betide we celebrate a pregnancy.

Your version sounds lovely, theirs sounded shite. And I see nothing wrong with a bunch of friends gathering to make a pregnant woman feel a bit special for 2 hours. So shoot me. But clearly you didn’t get the memo that nothing nice should be done for anyone, ever because it’s attention seeking and grabby and god forbid something might happen to your baby which might make other people feel uncomfortable. Best sit in a darkened room for 9 months so that no one notices you and it’s safe to come out.

It’s a shame it didn’t go the way you envisaged OP. Sounds like you would have made it a lovely afternoon.

Tbf I agree it was a pisstake asking you for 30 quid but I would let it go as m2b enjoyed it. Next time just opt out or say "I wont be drinking so il give you x amount instead"

Baby showers are just naff.

This one sounded particularly low rent.

Traditionally, we celebrated the safe arrival of a baby, not the pregnancy as such, because as we all know every pregnancy unfortunately does not result in a live birth.
A bunch of women gathering for a couple of hours to go on the piss is a bunch of women going on the piss, Sadie, nothing more.
How does that make the pregnant woman feel special?

If you throw your cash into a kitty for someone's else's event then you get what you're given.

Some you win some you lose. If you don't fancy taking the risk then politely decline

I went to my brothers ex's baby shower with my nephew and everyone was getting lairy, it's pretty common place in her family (all her cousins and sisters and friends etc have all been the same at baby showers)

I personally would be gutted if someone threw me a baby shower and everyone got drunk!

Yours sounds nice, and it would have been to my own personal taste. But I’m also aware that to a lot of people it would seem incredibly staid and they would prefer to go out rather than going to someone’s house.

It sounds like M2B was enjoying herself as she went on to the pub. And from her POV she was probably keen for her guests to enjoy themselves too.

So, sorry, I think the party was probably okay as it was. It would have been embarrassing for M2B if she invited quite an exuberant group of friends who had to sit down quietly and drink fancy food and M2B got the feeling they were counting down the minutes until it finished.

It is difficult if you work in catering or events and have to go to parties where to your trained eye things aren’t quite right. And upmarket is not necessarily to everybody’s tastes either. But you have to let it go, as long as M2B had a nice time that’s all that matters.

If I was the m2b I would have just left I think.