To think this baby shower was inappropriate?

[pagefruits1991]

I went to a baby shower last weekend, for a very close friend. It took months of planning between all the girls involved (mum to be did not 'know').
It cost me £30 plus gifts and travel. The £30 was to cover cheap games bought online and afternoon tea at a local cafe. It also covered m2b and a couple of bottles of booze.
The other girls bought loads of alcohol with this money (processco, we're celebrating! ) which I didn't think was appropriate as the m2b wouldn't be having any, I wouldn't as I was driving and it was at lunchtime on a Sunday.
The afternoon tea wasn't that nice, cheap buns from asda kind of affair and a few sandwiches.
The girls then got a bit lairy and carried on in the local bar with m2b in tow but I went home.
Is it just me or was that a party for them, not for her? I was planning a lovely party with lots of decorations, games, a buffet and cake at my home which would of been free of course but was trumped by the others wanting it to be special.
I also work in catering and offered to make high end cakes etc but my suggestion was actually ignored.
Have babyshowers/hen parties etc etc just got completely out of hand or am I getting old?

I would have hated it, but it sounds like the mother-to-be enjoyed it. Some people just have horrible taste, and she might have found your proposed party boring.

Depends on the M2B, surely? If she likes going out with her mates then she probably enjoyed it more than a "lovely party with lots of decorations, games, a buffet and a cake at home".

fission I agree completely. Two of my children were in SCBU, fortunately they came home safely. Many parents there weren’t so lucky.

Depends if this is mtb usual style pre baby and that's what her friends are like

This ^

Plus, IMO, the whole concept of a baby shower is cringeworthily awful anyway, so the "Have babyshowers/hen parties etc etc just got completely out of hand or am I getting old?" question is odd, as 'babyshowers' as a concept is a new thing that lots of people don't like anyway.

£30 is fine, but the plans were not great for a baby shower.

That said, how many other girls already have baby? "baby" games and a traditional shower can be many women idea of hell!

I would have gone for a happy medium, afternoon tea somewhere + something the mum2B enjoys, but as long as she had a good time.

I know people are anti baby showers on here (a US thing and all) but when I was expecting DD1 a friend organised one for me which was lovely and then when I went to head office another one (I was so shocked I burst into tears ). It wasn't over the top but really helpful to me as a first time mum and people were terribly kind and thoughtful.

Your ideas sound along the same lines but what happened sounds like a hen. Totally unnecessary. Why does everything have to involve alcohol?

Sounds like a friends baby shower I went to. Friend who not seen in a while but still would class as a good friend. Traveled about an hour to see her in her town (we don't live in the same city). Met another friend before hand. Both apreensive has planner of bs had said we didn't need to bring anything but 'bring some booze' (sunday afternoon) turned up to essentially a house party (fishbowls were on offer) as well as tables of booze. People smoking, lads turned up (not a problem in itself) with crates of lager. MTB turned up, opened presents, did some naff party games, everyone started getting boozy (we left) but saw pics / snapchats of 'baby shower' through the night, it was basically a mental house party. Baby's dad ended up passed out through booze. Quite tragic really.

But then MTB isn't really in the mindset of being a mum, has not long had child and is always leaving him with GPs for extended periods of time, and planning trips away even before child will be 6months, talks about how keen she is to get smashed. Feel for baby really.

They were being unreasonable to get prosecco. It's basically fizzy urine.

The only people I know who drink that, are 15 to 18 .y.o. (Or have the maturity levels of someone that age.)

Yeah the 'baby shower' sounded shit. More like a hen party!

They sound vulgar and common to me but then we can’t all be civilised and appropriate - otherwise who would the daily mail photograph hammered in a town centre with no clothes on ?

tilly Halloween is NOT American, it’s originally Scottish\Irish.

I also agree with fission. My son was in NICU then SCBU, 12 days in hospital in total after he was born. We found that hard enough, I honestly had nothing but complete respect and admiration for those who's children were in much longer than my ds, how they got through it I'll never know.
I hate the idea of baby showers anyway, I think they are unnecessary. If family or friends want to get something they can simply just get it. There's no need to have a party that essentially says get a present for my unborn baby.
Though the one op described sounds like a glorified drink up to me.

Kimmy

ThisIsTheFirstStep

Totally agree!

I think it's a bit odd to say you can't celebrate a pregnancy till the baby's safely here, and that's coming from someone who has had three miscarriages. Tragedies happen every day - including after birth. It doesn't do to dwell on them and stop being excited about things. There's nothing wrong with some friends getting together and sharing in a friend's excitement. The OP inbu about the rip-off though.

longest, I think for SCBU parents, it’s the knowledge that some parents will have to go home and have an absolute pile of cards and stuff to deal with and perhaps feel like they need to return them or send some sort of explanation (in lieu of thanks).

It’s one of these things that most people feel ‘that’ll never happen’. But nobody who’s had children on SCBU thinks that anymore.

I know they have them in the US, just another one of their traditions coming here, like Halloween.

Of topic but Halloween is not an American holiday. It is a British and Irish tradition the celebration of which declined due to a form of racism. Insisting it is American is just that racism being perpetuated so stop please.

The 'm2b' seemed happy with it, and went off to the pub with her friends.

OP was the one who didn't gel with the rest of the party.

Because although you have to take a gift to a shower (that's the whole purpose of having a shower rather than any other type of party) there are no other rules about what the party should be like. And OP's view is in a minority of 1 for this occasion

Sounds good to me precisely because it sounds nothing like a baby shower. Every baby shower I've ever seen pictures of/heard report off sounds cringe worthy whereas a nice afternoon of drinks with friends sounds good any day of the week

I agree with both sides of the argument really. On the one hand, m2b enjoyed it. Its not about me or my thing, its what she wants. On the other, it was a bit of a piss up. For a baby shower.

I didn't have one for either of my dc, i had a spa day about 3 months in, from my friends.

@RavenLG that sounds truly awful :(

Eltonjohnssyrup Maybe that's right, and my comment was probably insensitive, for which I am sorry. I look at things differently though - having mcs didn't stop me telling people about my subsequent pregnancies because actually telling people I'd had a miscarriage wasn't what I found difficult about the whole situation, and bracing myself for pregnancy loss didn't actually make it any better (in contrast the third, most expected, mc hit me the hardest). So all I meant was that I can't imagine, faced with the enormous tragedy of losing a child, that having had a baby shower could really add anything to that grief. I didn't think of all the gifts but showers I've been to have only featured little token gifts - less than most parents would have bought for themselves at that stage in pregnancy (I know some people don't like to buy things in advance either, but I do not believe in jinxing). to all who have been through a difficult time.

This sounds like a perfectly acceptable baby shower, devoid of pretension and shite baby shower games. Heaven forfend her friends want to have a few drinks to celebrate, m2b might want one as well, it's not illegal!

She's pregnant, doesn't mean she can't still enjoy herself...

I hate baby showers - they’re like kids parties for adults. A group of women playing twee games and and eating cake, yak!

No worries longest. It wasn’t insensitive. But a lot more people than you might imagine have direct or indirect experience of it which is why they are often cautious.

Sounds like it was more for the 'friends' than the m2b tbh. Surely it should have been about making her day fun first and foremost

At the few baby showers I've been to the MTB does have a glass or two of fizz, as they've always been very close to their birth date.

However, that's irrelevant, I agree with the OP that this shower seemed to be more for the friends than the MTB. I can understand that they thought a café might be more special than someone's house and maybe also didn't want to put the burden of hosting onto the OP.