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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family holding off visiting because 'we're waiting to see the baby'

76 replies

shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:11

We recently moved to a bigger house in a new town. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with DC2 and we have a 3yo DS with additional needs, and we wanted to give him a bit more space. We're really happy with the choice we've made, even though it takes us further away from our family (who were already 3 hours drive away).

New house has a guest room, so I've made sure it's kitted out to accommodate family and friends. We've always travelled up to visit them pretty regularly, so I thought that maybe, just for this year while I'm pregnant they might come and see us. So I've invited them for weekends, Easter, half terms until my due date.

The problem is that none of our family, except my DSis, want to come and see us until the new baby arrives - when I'll be least able to host them. They're all making comments like 'oh make sure you book us in for June, so we can see the baby!'

I don't want them to stay over for 3/4 nights when I have a tiny baby! And what about my DS anyway, doesn't anyone want to see him?! AIBU to say I don't really want to host any overnight guests for the first couple of months? It's not like they'd help out with DS, they just want to sit and watch him play nicely without interacting too much.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 17/03/2018 11:13

No, YANBU. They sound like twats.

Hsmumma · 17/03/2018 11:13

Definitely not being unreasonable! Say no! Especially as they are making no effort now.

KimmySchmidt1 · 17/03/2018 11:14

No you’re not unreasonable. Mine is 5 weeks and no way I’d host lots of family overnight. It’s also impractical because
The baby cries at night too.

Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:15

I am happy to host them now too! Bought a bloody guest bed! Can't believe they think they can all descend immediately after DC is born. I was planning on living in a CBeebies and chocolate bubble with DS and new DC for at least a month!

OP posts:
IThinkThatsWeird · 17/03/2018 11:18

Is there a reason you can’t tell them? Not wanting
visitors when you have a little baby is fair enough but they can’t know that unless you tell them.

Might they be waiting until June because they prefer to come when there is better weather?

MaderiaCycle · 17/03/2018 11:19

We're in the same situation kinda. No visitors for ages - but everyone wants to come once the baby is here (three weeks to go). We don't have room to put them up unless they take our bed and we sleep on a sofa bed in the front room which I'm not willing to do with a newborn - which seems to have put some folk (MiL) out - so they're just coming for a day visit - even though we're 3 hours away.

Andmary · 17/03/2018 11:19

YANBU
But you have to make it clear to them no overnight guests when new baby arrives. I did. My parents were the problem. When I had my 2nd DC I'd learnt my lesson and said no visitors for two weeks.
It's not urgent to see a new baby. What is far more important is your family adjusting and having the privacy and time to do so.

Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:20

I may suggest one of the budget hotels nearby if they wish to stay overnight. I can't bear the thought of me cluster feeding with both tits out and them all sitting around waiting for me to make them cups of tea.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 17/03/2018 11:21

I’d be very clear - we’d love to see you after ds is born, but staying over won’t suit us for a while, since we need to get comfortable with breastfeeding etc. You’re welcome now, of course, and we’ll let you know as soon as we can host again.

Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:24

I have a very helpful and sympathetic aunt living nearby, I may use her to fend them off!

OP posts:
ChishandFips33 · 17/03/2018 11:24

Er I don't think you are being unreasonable at all

You will be getting to know your new baby and vice versa - I would want time and space before family descending

Tell them it's now or August/September as you'll be using the guest room when the baby comes for night feeds or something made up!

Whilst I understand their logic, Do what's right for you because they don't sound like they're going to

ChishandFips33 · 17/03/2018 11:25

I have a very helpful and sympathetic aunt living nearby, I may use her to fend them off!

^^ brilliant!

Bobbiepin · 17/03/2018 11:28

If they want to visit to see the baby they stay in a hotel and come at times that suit you. We had a very well meaning friend who stayed all day. After a couple of hours I took myslef off to bed for a nap and left baby and friend with DH! Absolutely no way are they staying with you when you have a newborn!

SmallBlondeMama · 17/03/2018 11:31

Super annoying! We constantly had similar excuses, baby is now 9 months old and still no visitors (family) in sight! Lazy!!

Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:32

They basically want us all to go to them. Because we always have. But two DC under 5 are way less portable than one, and they're going to have to get used to that I suppose. It'll ultimately be their loss.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 17/03/2018 11:34

You are not unreasonable and your family are bonkers.

"So sorry, but after the baby is born we'll not be entertaining overnight guests for the first few months. I hear is excellent though."

abigailsnan · 17/03/2018 11:35

Put your Aunt on guard duty to fend off any unwelcome visitors,I can't believe people are so thick as to imagine they will be welcomed with opened arms when you need time to bond with your new baby.
Tell them now they can come in the next few weeks or leave it until the end of the summer when you will be more able to see to them.

MissMooMoo · 17/03/2018 11:36

YANBU!
The only visitors we had overnight were my parents who came when ds was 8 weeks old for 2 weeks (8 hour flight)
They were great! Mum did all the cooking and laundry, dad did some DIY and gardening.
If visitors aren't going to make life easier you need to say NO

Slitherout · 17/03/2018 11:37

Just use the kind insistence act, being very nice but stating what you want;

"I can't book you in for June, baby will only be X weeks then, I'll be barely human, won't be up for hosting at all!! How about August?"
"Of course you can come and stay, I'll be so grateful to have an extra pair of hands to make tea and play X with DS"

Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:42

The day after I had DS they all descended on the hospital 'to meet him'. I was still hooked up to a catheter at this point. I hadn't even showered. They just don't really think about me as a human being, just a vessel and handmaiden for their beloved blood relations.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 17/03/2018 11:47

Who the fuck let them in? Where was your husband in all of this????

Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:47

In fairness to DH, he was sleep trashed, as was I. We were both a bit too dazed to resist!

OP posts:
Original poster
shesakeeper · 17/03/2018 11:49

After last time I definitely see that we weren't assertive enough with everybody. I have no issue with being assertive now!

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 17/03/2018 11:51

Good, and get your husband on board early too and make sure he makes the right noises to his family as well! And if you're in hospital, make sure the staff knows no visitors (or only approved visitors) too.

underneaththeash · 17/03/2018 11:51

Just tell them - we're not having any overnight visitors for at least the first couple of months so if you'd like to see us, come now.

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