Page 3 | It’s not too much to ask is it ????

matchstickganache · 2018-03-16T21:42:10+00:00

Newborn baby and I’m exhausted. I’m breastfeeding and he has severe reflux Will ONLY sleep on me or being held Yes dh works and is tired but im exhausted he gets to sleep. Actually SLEEP on the sofa I ask for just 1 hour I’m the evening to have a bath and some time to rest but he falls asleep and it’s not safe !!!!! If baby’s in his chair he’s not meant to sleep in it and if he’s being held is so dangerous Why can’t he stay awake ???? It’s causing tension AIBU?

Jellycatspyjamas · 17/03/2018 08:32

What time are you going for your bath? You posted around 22.30 last night saying you’d got out of the bath and gone down to check - in fairness I’m falling asleep on the sofa by that time of night. Can you not have a bath earlier in the evening - say around 8.30/9.00. Your DP needs to know how to deal with your baby when he’s unsettled - I’d literally be handing baby over and taking the time I needed, screaming or not. I don’t see why you need to wait til the baby is settled to hand him over. If you’re as tired as you sound, your need for sleep and rest is more important to the baby’s safety than you being there while he screams. Is DP really unsafe, because it can’t be the case that baby is held 24/7, most parents sleep at some point when caring for their child.

Conversely, you said you just want DP to stay awake for an hour. Is just that you want him to feel the way you do - if so, hand him the kids when he gets in from work and get some rest. He’ll need to figure it out.

swingofthings · 17/03/2018 08:33

It’s just the falling asleep that’s annoying me because I just want him to stay awake for an hour
So you'd rather he is even more exhausted and even less likely to help you? Does he demand that you stay awake when it suits him?

I know how sleep deprivation affects your feelings and judgement but if you were not struggling so much, you could actually be seeing it as a good thing that he does get a short nap.

I agree that the best thing you could do now is to seek help from family and make it a day in a hotel, your OH and you, where you can BOTH get plenty of sleep together.

NotTakenUsername · 17/03/2018 08:34

He’s falling asleep because he is sitting down and not focusing on something. Get him to put the baby in the pram, wrapped up warm and walk the streets for an hour.

He won’t fall asleep then, if baby is crying you won’t hear and the movement might actually help. Alternatively get him to take baby out in the sling so they stay upright.

If he truly wants to help this is a solution.

Snoreyhell · 17/03/2018 08:40

It's Saturday today OP so dh is presumably home. Get him to take the kids out for a while and leave you home alone to properly relax. I could never fully relax when mine were that small and in the house, even though dh is brilliant with them. I'd always be awaiting the next cry or demand for milk.

longestlurkerever · 17/03/2018 08:42

I can't believe these replies. The OP should hire a maternity nurse, co-sleep, put the baby in a crib, anything other than rely on the baby's actual father not to put their baby's life in danger if he's left for an hour. FFS.

Foggymist · 17/03/2018 08:47

All these people saying "just put the baby down" have clearly never had a refluxy baby who will vomit and choke at any point in their sleep.

OP re: having baby in the bathroom it'd be fine, if it's very small and hot in there just strip baby down to vest or something. Your husband should stay standing in front of TV or something if he can't be trusted to stay awake sitting, that's what my dh always did.

diddl · 17/03/2018 08:58

Did he always fall asleep in the evenings?

Is he sleeping well on the sofa/being disturbed by baby?

If not it does seem odd that he can't stay awake whilst you have a bath & a rest.

Original poster

matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 09:00

But he gets to sleep all night in the sofa bed

OP posts:

Original poster

matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 09:03

I try to make sure baby has finished feeding before I go for a bath as at least then if he cries it’s not hunger but he cluster feeds

OP posts:

LegallyBronde · 17/03/2018 09:06

You need a schedule. We did shifts. One on the 9-1 and the other 2-6. Everyone gets a block of unbroken hours. We both used earplugs when we slept. It wasn't a completion. It was a team effort. But bloody hell we were smug if DC sort through our shift [GRIN]

ShovingLeopard · 17/03/2018 09:08

matchstick if your April appointment isbwith a paediatrician/paediatric gastroenterologist or paediatric allergist they can prescribe a PPI like Lansoprazole or Omeprazole. These can be a gamechanger in terms of the baby's comfort, as they completely stop the pain of reflux.

They won't, however, stop the actual vomiting, which you mention is a problem re choking. This could be either of, or a combination of, floppy structures in the top end of the digestive system (e.g. the muscle that should hold the top of the stomach closed) or cow's milk protein intolerance. You mention colic, which can also be caused by CMPI. My suggestion would be to make sure this is considered at the appointment in April. I would also go back to the GP and ask for a trial of dairy-free formula (if he's on formula - or you could try abdairy-free diet if bf). They are often reluctant to prescribe because of expense, but there's no risk to the baby of trying it, unlike the PPIs, hence no reason why a GP can't prescribe. If it's CMPI the vomiting will dramatically reduce within a few days of being on the dairy-free formula.

poobumwee · 17/03/2018 09:19

I used to crave my hour to myself in the bath when our babies were younger. You need a bit of "you" time to just try and recharge a bit
Perhaps have a bath earlier in the evening, so he can stay with the kids downstairs and look after all of them while they eat their tea?

his falling asleep would really annoy me tbh

Original poster

matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 09:24

I’m not sure shifts would work due to breastfeeding as he cluster feeds and doesn’t have a schedule at all.
The gp said they don’t suspect cmpa as his skin looks fine

OP posts:

ArnoldBee · 17/03/2018 09:29

This is not sustainable for either if you. S reflux baby is exhausting - our little one spent most of his time on his front over one of our knees as it's the only way he could sleep. He was also very colicky and to be honest the best thing we did was to move onto reflux formula milk for the whole family. As my GP said I've done my bit and it's time to move on but that's your choice.

Original poster

matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 09:33

We are down for cancellation appt but otherwise mid April was the earliest
I’ve been trying to get him to take expressed milk but he won’t. I wanted to try carobel in breastmilk but he won’t take a bottle yet

OP posts:

SilverBirchTree · 17/03/2018 09:50

That’s so tough OP

Reflux is awful. Being that tired is awful.

DH is being very unfair and irresponsible by sleeping on the job. You can’t even relax for one hour because he’s shown he can’t be trusted to stay awake.

I’d be furious. You need help, I hope you get it.

BustopherJones · 17/03/2018 11:20

Got a cluster feeding baby at the moment and that usually starts before DP comes home so I wouldn’t be able to take an hour until the baby is properly asleep (any time between 10-11ish at the moment). This baby is a relatively good sleeper, but our first you couldn’t put down for 3 months so there was precious little sleep to go around.

If you only have time to have a bath between 10-11 then he just needs to stay awake until you’re done. If he would usually be asleep at 10 because he’s up at 6 and absolutely needs 8 hours then he could have an hour nap earlier in the evening surely. If he’s having a full night’s unbroken sleep I wouldn’t think a nap would be necessary, though.

DP used to be useless on little sleep but got used to it and is fine now. It’s really not fair that you don’t get an hour’s break to have a bath after feeding the baby all evening if he is getting a full night with no wake ups.

SilverBirchTree · 17/03/2018 12:00

I can't believe these replies. The OP should hire a maternity nurse, co-sleep, put the baby in a crib, anything other than rely on the baby's actual father not to put their baby's life in danger if he's left for an hour. FFS.

^this

PapaLazarousWife · 17/03/2018 12:07

OP reflux Is awful, i feel for you. Ranitidine is useless. I would expect they will prescribe omeprazol or lanzoprasol next. They have to try other things such as gaviscon and ranitadine before prescribing lanzoprasol etc. For us the lanzoprasol felt like a miracle cure so hold on in there - there are effective drugs to treat reflux and things will get easier.

As for your DH tired or not I'm sure he could stay awake for one hour, you manage it!

AllNamesTakenhell · 17/03/2018 13:29

If he was up and doing things around the baby then he wouldnt fall asleep. He needs to be doing things, not relaxing on the sofa about to fall asleep.

Mammyloveswine · 17/03/2018 13:33

My husband used to take ds1 out for a drive when he cluster fed if i ever needed a break... i was sore and tired and would need a hot shower or bath to "recharge". Could he do that? Even earlier in the evening.

Also husband is sleeping on a sofabed? Perhaps its not comfortable so he isn't getting a decent sleep... obv not comparable to you being up with the baby but would explain how he's so exhausted he's falling asleep on the sofa

NotTakenUsername · 17/03/2018 13:46

Op it has been repeated already but it deserves to be repeated again and again and again:

I can't believe these replies. The OP should hire a maternity nurse, co-sleep, put the baby in a crib, anything other than rely on the baby's actual father not to put their baby's life in danger if he's left for an hour. FFS.

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

If you can’t even rely on your babies father for one hour of an evening, then what exactly is the point of him? This sort of moronic behaviour is what starts a process of resentment that lasts years, if not a lifetime.

BellyBean · 17/03/2018 15:38

Could you send DH for a walk with the baby in a sling?

notsohippychick · 17/03/2018 16:24

Could you buy a sling/baby carrier for him? The baby is secure with him sitting on the sofa (as long as he stays upright!) so if he falls asleep it should be fine.

Sorry if I’m mistaken, but I’ve not had experience of a reflux baby but thought it might be a solution for the evening when you are in the bath?

MadRainbow · 17/03/2018 16:47

@Matchstickgananche I have been in your exact same position, silent reflux, ExclusiveBF baby that refuses a bottle and will not settle unless you hold them. And I mean scream constantly - I was desperate enough a number of times to leave baby to scream (with someone else in the room to watch) and that's all my DD did. Hopefully at your appointment they will give you something like lanzoprozale it was a massive game changer for us.

As to your DH, I am positive mine had PND, could this be a factor for yours? I would definitely make an appointment with your GP as being unable to stay awake for 1 hour is a bit much no matter how much he works. My DH used to take DD for a drive to help her sleep; or if you have other children perhaps he can stick baby on chest in a sling and play with them to keep him awake? I don't know from your post if the others are asleep though. There are ways to stay awake and your DH really needs to get on with it cos unless there is a medical reason 1hr is nothing