Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not too much to ask is it ????

84 replies

matchstickganache · 16/03/2018 21:42

Newborn baby and I’m exhausted. I’m breastfeeding and he has severe reflux
Will ONLY sleep on me or being held
Yes dh works and is tired but im exhausted he gets to sleep. Actually SLEEP on the sofa

I ask for just 1 hour I’m the evening to have a bath and some time to rest but he falls asleep and it’s not safe !!!!!
If baby’s in his chair he’s not meant to sleep in it and if he’s being held is so dangerous
Why can’t he stay awake ????
It’s causing tension
AIBU?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 16/03/2018 23:27

Calm down Gina Ford aka NewYear

Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 07:22

Baby went to sleep whilst dh was carrying him round but he only sleeps upright being held etc
At night I’m either sitting up awake feeding him or he’s in his chair and we co sleep but he doesn’t sleep for long so I’m exhausted

OP posts:
Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 07:25

If we put him in his cot (even though it’s on an incline) he’s just sick or chokes
He’s on medication but we are waiting for an appointment. Evenings 5-10 he can be unsettled and colicky too so that doesnt help

OP posts:
Warpdrive · 17/03/2018 07:34

Both my DC had reflux which was worrying, exhausting, messy and frankly inconvenient. They wouldn’t stay asleep either which was another problem. Discovered with the 2nd that he could sleep if he was on his front. Obviously it’s against all official advice to let a baby sleep on their front but I did. Even health visitor said I had little choice under the circumstances. I’m not recommending it, just saying that it worked for me.

Llanali · 17/03/2018 07:57

IM
Missing something too.... if you co sleep anyway, why is DH not just going to bed with baby whilst you bathe?

Also, if DH slept upright in a chair, could you not put baby in a sling in his chest? Baby upright, baby safe, dad asleep?

Llanali · 17/03/2018 07:58

I do feel for you; but I feel for him too. When I’m tired I’d find it really hard to sit and cuddle a sleeping baby whilst I stayed awake.

bettinasofine · 17/03/2018 07:59

Why can't the baby snooze in their chair?

My DS loved his swinging chair and napped in it

bettinasofine · 17/03/2018 08:00

I also agree with newyear

Put the baby down a bit more

Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:06

Because 5-10pm sometimes later he’s v unsettled due to colic as well. Usually settles better around 1130 but by then I’m too tired for a bath

OP posts:
Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:07

I couldn’t let dh co sleep. This is why currently he uses sofa bed....he is a very deep sleeper and quite big (not weight wise just build iyswim) so iteould be dangerous I’m a v light sleeper in comparison

OP posts:
Llanali · 17/03/2018 08:09

So what about the sling suggestion? A close caboo for example.

And I mean this gently, but this is both your baby. It sounds a little controlling to be checking up on him, ‘letting’ him (or not) do things with baby....

Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:10

Baby would snooze in chair but due to the reflux he often chokes plus he’s not meant to unattended as it’s not flat it'd be fine if dh was watching tv and keeping an eye but he goes to sleep
Feel like I’m being mean moaning about him but I just want an hour where I can just relax knowing someone else is 100% looking after baby

OP posts:
Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:11

Is it ok to wear a sling and sit/sleep on sofa ?

OP posts:
Llanali · 17/03/2018 08:12

But baby would be upright with good c spine shape on DH chest in a sling..... he could sleep as no way could he drop/smother baby. Baby would be more settled as on DH chest to head heartbeat and regulate temp.

swingofthings · 17/03/2018 08:13

Pick your battles. If he falls asleep, it's because he is clearly totally shattered. It's not a competition as to who is more tired and who is stronger fighting it.

Your baby will be absolutely fine being in his chair for one hour, even if sleeping. Both my kids were very difficult babies, both suffering from terrible colic and coping was the only thing that mattered. DD only fell asleep in her chair after being rocked quite bouncily so ended sleeping in it most of the time. She's now 18, in perfect health, about to go to Uni.

Sleep deprivation bring the worse in everyone. It's horrendous, but nothing good will come from making it a competition. You BOTH need to try to look after yourself as much as possible. The stress you are putting on yourself by picking on each other is only going to make the effect of sleep deprivation worse.

Llanali · 17/03/2018 08:13

Yes, if you sit upright in an arm chair- why wouldn’t it be. Especially if DH is as big as you say, because baby will be straight and well positioned....
Obviously if he lays on the sofa with baby in a sling that’s not safe. But upright, his head tipped back, what do you perceive to be the risk there?

Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:14

It’s just the falling asleep that’s annoying me because I just want him to stay awake for an hour
He is involved where he can be but due to work is not here in the day so is limited anyway
Weekends he’s at home he does help but it’s just the evenings that are causing these issues. He’s tired I’m tired baby is tired and grumpy. Perhaps the upcoming reflux appt may be the key as not good currently he cannot settle so well when is in discomfort

OP posts:
Llanali · 17/03/2018 08:17

I wouldn’t sleep at night like that, or for long, because baby could
Over heat or slip down etc, but for a short nap while you bathed I wouldn’t have an issue. Besides, you naturallly hold baby under the bum in that position. Yes theoretically baby could stop breathing but that’s a risk at any point and also, is less likely when baby is on your chest.

ShovingLeopard · 17/03/2018 08:18

Not quite what you asked, I know, but is the baby medicated for the reflux? How old is he, and what is he on?

Llanali · 17/03/2018 08:18

He’s tired and you’re tired. Everyone’s grumpy. You both need to try to let it go a bit.

abbsisspartacus · 17/03/2018 08:21

What's he taking for reflux? Are you breast or bottle feeding? How much of an incline does the cot have? Can you increase it? My son's had reflux the youngest had his cot propped up really high and he had his blankets arranged like a baby butt support to stop him sliding out the bottom

StringandGlitter · 17/03/2018 08:23

I think you both sound exhausted. Is there anyone, friend, family who could come over and babysit and you two get a few hours uninterrupted sleep?

ladyvimes · 17/03/2018 08:26

Can you put baby in his chair in the bathroom with you? He can sleep and you can chill without worrying.
Sleep deprivation is shit and totally takes over your life but it will get better eventually.

Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:27

8 weeks and on ranitidine three times a day the gp cannot prescribe anything else we have to wait for appt mid April

OP posts:
Original poster
matchstickganache · 17/03/2018 08:28

V small bathroom and I have my bath hot as ache a lot I think it would be too hot and cramped for baby?

OP posts: