Not to let 9yo get Fortnite?

[MrsHathaway]

DC1(9) is currently desperate to get the game Fortnite. "All" his friends already have it and play it together online; some of his favourite YouTubers play it and go on about it constantly. He maintains he only wants to go exploring and hiding out.

We've said no because:

1. He's 9 and it has a 12 certificate.

1. Although some 12 films might be allowable for younger children, a game which seems to be ultimately about killing people wouldn't fit into that category. His "just exploring" argument sounds like "just driving" in GTA: possible but unlikely and ultimately unsatisfying.

1. He doesn't currently have the right platform so would need to spend three figures even to play it. He already has a console with the last "must-have" game on it.

1. (This bit we haven't said to him) He's not a mature 9. His friends who have it are 8-10 months older and have much older siblings. He has to time reading his Alex Rider so it won't be last thing at night which gives him nightmares.

1. He's nagging about it and giving us major attitude over our refusal. He's had several flat "no"s with reasons and just won't take no for an answer.

1. DH has asked around and watched videos online and checked reviews, and concluded from that "research" that Fortnite really isn't suitable for our 9yo. The reports of how difficult it is to peel children away from it don't help either!

Do you think we ABU? Is it actually probably ok and not worth the handwringing? Or is it the bane of your existence and you wish it had never been released?

And how do we answer "but FriendA and FriendB have it!" beyond "that's between them and their parents, but your parents are saying no to you"? The fully honest answer is "I wish they bloody hadn't"! I feel this is likely to be an issue again and again as he gets older, but it's new to us and I'd value the benefit of your experience.

My daughter plays Fortnite she's 10 but she is a wise 10 she is very emotionally mature and confident. She has experienced bullying on there ( there was a bit of gang mentality going on) this was from someone she knows in real life so was dealt with as the behaviour had become unacceptable. Because we supported her through that she has ultimately come out stronger, with clearer boundaries and the ability to assert them but I'm aware with a different child it may have been affected differently.

For my 8 year old who is a very niaive and immature there is not a chance that she will be allowed to play it until she is much older.

It sounds like it would be a nightmare with a over analytical child.

If it makes you feel better I have been nagged about crossroads for what feels like years and refuse to get it as I've read that hackers put porn images on one child's room. But as I'm told frequently everyone else has it!!!!

My 9 yo DC2 sometimes plays it and enjoys watching DC1 play it. We have strong rules around it though, they come off it when I say, if there’s attitude they don’t get to play it, no in app purchases and no chatting to anyone he doesn’t know. I am usually around when they are playing it so I keep an eye. They play in a group with friends and it’s actually a really good working together as a team game when they do that. My biggest issue with it is the constant shouting down the mic to their friends!

This game is the bane of my life, DS2 is 15, is autistic, has ADHD and is developmentally delayed, by a good few years, he is more or less at the same level as DS3. For Christmas, they got an X Box one and installed Fortnite, pretty soon it became obvious that DS2 was completely addicted! We have meltdowns and DS2 can tear the house apart if we say " No X Box/ Fortnite today" The X Box is in their bedroom, which they share, but we don't allow them to play games before lunchtime, or after dinner, and up until this game they did exactly that, but we have found DS2 up at 2, 3 and 4 am playing the game! DS2 doesn't sleep well and being up half the night is not unusual, but when they only had the X Box 360 we didn't have any issues with the console. Am now wondering do I delete the game? I haven't seen any YouTube videos but will be doing so shortly. I am not sure why it is so addictive and can be very expensive, I discovered this evening that DS2 has spent £70 of X Box points on add-ons for this game! The talking to random people concerns me, I explained to all my sons, yet caught DS2 giving some details out to his " friend" in America xx

It won't just cost the £250 ish for the console itself, you'll then need to fork out another £50 for him to be able to play online, which will have to be re spent every 12 months. Unless you go for a 1 or 3 month membership, but that works out as more expensive per month, and lets face it, he won't want to stop playing in a month or 3 months.

The game itself i actually find really boring, as said theres no actual gore, but the point of the game is to kill all enemy players, so just exploring isn't gonna happen, as people WILL be trying to kill him, even if he doesn't play that way, they aren't just gonna let him run around exploring!

You can prevent in game purchases by simply not linking a payment method to the account. Likewise you can use parental settings to prevent him from talking to/being messaged by other players, which unfortunately can be very nasty. I'm a grown adult and i've been reduced to tears before by the sheer awfulness some think it's ok to message to another player!

Honestly i think it was a very unfortunate thing you bought an outdated console so recently, as all games going forward are unlikely to be for the console he currently has, but for the next generation Ps4's and Xbox ones, so you will be having this issue a LOT from now on.

As for the "all my friends have it so it's not fair!" argument, you cannot control what their parents allow, nor are their children the same as your child developmentally, personality wise etc. Yes, he will feel excluded, and he could well get left out unintentionally as they will be talking about the game and of course, if they want to play something he doesn't have they're not obliged to not play it and play something he does have. It is a shit situation to be in, and the reason i am SO glad that all this online gaming wasn't a thing when i was a kid. I feel for you, and every other parent for how technology ruled life is these days.

My 11 yo loves this game. I like the collaboration it creates between him and his friends. It is incredibly intense, especially towards the end, after long periods of just wandering around, when they are having major shootouts with other gangs. I’m not bothered about blood and gore, but this clinical suspense feels much worse to me.

He’s fairly sensitive and would no way have coped with this at 9. OTOH my 9yo, a completely different character, is totally not bothered about this game, and prefers other games on the console.

How would we set up the headset thing?

Raindrops the headset just plugs into the controller and then they'll be able to talk and listen...there may be an option in settings or something to turn audio on but there's nothing in depth. My two opened their headsets and had them set up and working in minutes - before we could even try helping! It's like kids are hard wired to just 'know'.

Don't pay a fortune for a headset either. Ours have Turtle Beach ones which were about £12...I've had a try myself, crystal clear audio and very comfy.

Iv told my 9 yr old no as.I don't want him online gaming. Not sure if you can lock down settings but there was a whole thing on fb about peado's talking to kids. Kid in ds class heard very adult language and convo - his mother took him off it. But again those more in the know may be able to lock it down.

Thanks Golden - I assume she should add friends from school to do this? Then only be able to chat with them? I'm technically quite savvy but never got into games consoles past the drag megadrive!

Sega, not drag

It wouldn't be his age to be honest but if I could turn back time I would erase this game completely!! My 14yr old boy is obsessed and 100% addicted, he never wants to do anything else, literally sitting in his room, attitude is awful. We do limit the time he's allowed but even when he's not on it, it's all he thinks about! Hate it!!

My ds10 plays it and GTA etc

Not at all comparable. Fortnight is a 12, its fine for 11 up, but GTA? That's 18, adults only, not at all for any children. Why would you let your under 10 play GTA, ever?

raindrops yes...she just needs their screen name, or they hers.

No idea how to add them though...that was another thing my two just magically knew how to do!

My DS(10) plays it. As PP have said, it's not graphically violent and he only speaks to RL friends on it. I have the PS4 set up in the living room and it can be funny to hear their chatter.

Funnier still is when I hear his friend's parents telling them to get off the bloody thing and eat dinner/tidy their room.

My ds10 plays it and GTA

Mine played it younger are now both teens and hardly ever murder anybody.

not really the point.

My ds 10 loves this game and plays it a lot with his peers . I would not compare it at all to GTA - he will never have that until he’s an adult . ( although apparently ALL his friends have it ) 🙈

not really the point

Really? I can't believe I missed it, must have been too subtle.

@Trillis There definitely is crossover between PC and the consoles, or at least with Xbox anyway (not sure if Sony are still limiting it for the PS4). You have to add friends through the Epic Games launcher, not in game, and the console player has to host for it to work last time I tried it (I'm guessing that's just a bug). Might let your DD play with more of her friends if they can get it to work (it's annoyingly temperamental).

Hell no to this game at 9.

My 13 and 15 year old play it and I put up with it. It's a first person shooter and I held out until ds2 was 13 to allow any of those at all - he has Destiny 2 as well and I hate it, but he's matured a lot in the last year and I didn't feel it was reasonable to say no any longer.

At 9 I simply, point blank refused. And don't regret it. When my two are playing Fortnite I hear them congratulating each other on "great head shot" etc and it turns my stomach. Completely inappropriate for pre-teens and if other parents disagree, that's not my problem.

You have your reasons, they are reasonable, and you have said no. Do you really want him to think that if he goes on about something enough you will cave in? You are the adults here, you don't have to argue the point any more!

Looking at this, for Ds2 who keeps begging. Ds1 says it's not that bad and I completely trust him about things such as this.

My 9yo has just started playing this on his new Xbox one.I agonised over it but gave in. It really does seem to be the case that the majority of y4+ are playing it.
DS hasn't played with anyone else on it yet IYSWIM. In order to install fortnite I seemd to need me to remove most security settings, which I'm not happy about.
Does anyone know how you stop them communicating with non-friends - do they have to 'accept' anyone who they play with online. This is our first foray into online gaming and I am worryingly clueless

Turn off voice chat in audio settings and it is fine. You can cross-platform PC to Xbox

So here is the thing. You should preview the game of course, and give it a fair shot before choosing if your child should play it. Often game ratings aren't too accurate and it isn't always the best idea to follow them to a point. It's not as if at age 12 your child magically develops the maturity to play a game overnight. Preview the game on your own and take close observations at the mechanics of the game. Decide if it is something you would be willing to accept under your OWN standards. If you do choose to allow your child to play the game, DO NOT allow them to play all alone. Be a part of the experience. Sit with them as you download and install the game. Stay for the first round they play. Learn about the game with them, and talk about it later on. Make sure that you stay close, and ensure that this game remains a positive influence on your kids. Make sure that when he chooses to play online, he does so with only friends that he and you know. The game isn't inherently bad. You can work with your child to make this a positive experience.

YANBU my dd has asked for it, she's 11, I've said no for a couple of reasons, I'm not sure I'm tech savvy enough to monitor it, she doesn't need anything else to get sucked into as she already is obsessed with minecraft etc. She's accepted it though, so I guess I'm getting of lightly. If I were in your situation I think I probably would point out to him that it isn't suitable as it may frighten him/ give him nightmares. It's the truth and he may rethink it himself then.