Not to let 9yo get Fortnite?

[MrsHathaway]

DC1(9) is currently desperate to get the game Fortnite. "All" his friends already have it and play it together online; some of his favourite YouTubers play it and go on about it constantly. He maintains he only wants to go exploring and hiding out.

We've said no because:

1. He's 9 and it has a 12 certificate.

1. Although some 12 films might be allowable for younger children, a game which seems to be ultimately about killing people wouldn't fit into that category. His "just exploring" argument sounds like "just driving" in GTA: possible but unlikely and ultimately unsatisfying.

1. He doesn't currently have the right platform so would need to spend three figures even to play it. He already has a console with the last "must-have" game on it.

1. (This bit we haven't said to him) He's not a mature 9. His friends who have it are 8-10 months older and have much older siblings. He has to time reading his Alex Rider so it won't be last thing at night which gives him nightmares.

1. He's nagging about it and giving us major attitude over our refusal. He's had several flat "no"s with reasons and just won't take no for an answer.

1. DH has asked around and watched videos online and checked reviews, and concluded from that "research" that Fortnite really isn't suitable for our 9yo. The reports of how difficult it is to peel children away from it don't help either!

Do you think we ABU? Is it actually probably ok and not worth the handwringing? Or is it the bane of your existence and you wish it had never been released?

And how do we answer "but FriendA and FriendB have it!" beyond "that's between them and their parents, but your parents are saying no to you"? The fully honest answer is "I wish they bloody hadn't"! I feel this is likely to be an issue again and again as he gets older, but it's new to us and I'd value the benefit of your experience.

My 12 year old plays (has done since 11.5). My 9 year old doesn't and won't be for at least another year. I don't think YABU and can't believe you'd consider nipping out and buying a new platform just like that.

my DS11 and DD9 play it. I would say it's pretty harmless there's no bad language, gory violence or anything like that. They can only chat with their friends in a team not everyone in game. If you're worried about harrassment/bullying dont give him microphone capabilities.
Basically all they do in this game is to parachute into a field run around building fortresses, setting traps. Finding (some hilarious looking) weapons like plungers and todays is a shamrock wand? And yeah basically other players 'kill' you. I've never seen one on one combat as such rather they shoot each others buildings down. Theirs no blood, the character just hits floor and dissapears then you have a choice to watch the rest of the players finish, If your teammate wins you get points too.
You can play solo or as a group. this game is actually free on Xbox, pc and playstation. My two have been playing for months and not yet nagged me to purchase anything. Though it is possible but not really worth it as characters are randomised each new match. I believe the kids only really buy the dances. Ranking up earns points to spend on outfits, parachutes and silly dances.

I think your issue is definitely more with the console and whether you are prepared to let him spend savings on upgrading.

The game itself is fine - my 8yo and 12yo play (and talk to each other constantly about it) and I’ve found that there’s a lot of teamwork and cooperation involved. When in a squad together, they can revive each other, share resources and plan their strategy together.

In this everlasting winter it’s been a good way of them interacting with friends when the weather is too filthy to play out as well!

Your house, your rules. I don’t know why you need to ask the internet about how you raise your child.

I think if you felt confident in your opinion you would not be posting on Mumsnet!

If you are happy with tour decision don't ask others pov as you are bound to get alternative opinions.

My son, who is just ten, has been playing since xmas. He plays with his classmates on line.

It is violent in that it is a person shooting another person however it is not gory (like other games). It is addictive however and we have had to set boundaries for him which he will test & re negotiate but I think this is all part of growing up.

You decide as it is your house & son

Just say no?

You know your child. I got it for my daughter (year 4) but shes not on it often, prefers other games even though she nagged for a while! It's not too bad, cartoon graphics not realistic ones. I wasn't keen, but thought she could try it.

She likes a scare though, she likes scary books now so I know that nothing like the game would be difficult for her to deal with. If she were troubled by Alex rider then I'd be more cautious.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be reluctant to install it.

My DS (8) plays it, so does all his little school friends. I agree with a PP that it’s nice to hear, dark nights and it’s freezing so DS isn’t going out as much so it’s nice he’s still able to chat and have fun with a lot of his friends.

It’s your choice obviously but it not a graphic game and your DS will get a lot of interaction with his friends as it does seem to be the game of the moment.

I would have no problem with my ds at 9 playing it, it’s not a bad game and much better than the halos, cod etc for a younger age group. If all his friends are playing and talking about it constantly he will feel very left out and he is getting to an age it can affect confidence and friendships.

If he can afford the console, game and Xbox live out of his savings I would let him. Set the parental controls so he can only speak to RL friends.

I have found these type of games are much friendlier playing with friends over the headsets as they are working as a team. The worst game I have found for ds getting angry is actually fifa.

He said it's a completely different 'feel' to playing more grown up shooting games because that's not all it's about. He was engrossed in cutting down trees and trying to get supplies and avoid the storm for most of the time so you don't get sucked into the shooting like with other games.

This (and other pps' comments about the reality of how their DC of similar ages play it) is very interesting and reassures me that if/when he plays at friends' houses it won't actually upset him.

Thank you all for crystallising that the platform issue is actually the strongest argument anyway: purely practical rather than emotional/judgment call.

It's also been interesting to see a mixture of YANBU and YABU which at least suggests we aren't being irredeemably U. Even those of you who have said IABU have in some cases said we are NBU to be consistent having made attempts to find out about it and come to a decision.

The fact that he's giving you attitude about it would be enough for me to keep my foot firmly down. If he stops going on about it maybe revisit in a few months. The attitude would make me think he isn't mature enough yet.

I'm another that loves the social aspect of the headsets and XBox Live...it's nice to hear them laughing and giggling away with their friends at times when they couldn't or wouldn't otherwise be playing with them.

I am super laidback, but I won't let my DS10 play it. He asked for ages but I told him we don't do violent games. We don't watch violent films or horror films either - adults too - tbh it's really because we are all kinda sensitive flowers, and they freak us out. DS is mega sensitive, anyone remember Franchon? so we have to shield him a bit. He stopped asking and now says he's bored with the idea and glad we said no. He's a good lad, so we honestly almost never say no to anything

I've been thinking about it for my 9 old. He's mentioned once or twice that he would like it, and told us that everyone else has it, but hasn't gone on about it like he does when he really desperately wants something. My main issue is that I've noticed lots of parents moaning that they can't get their child to stop playing, and that they've had terrible attitudes and bad behaviour from them. The age rating doesn't worry me, we would check the content first either way.

@GoldenHefalump I love that social aspect too DS has his friends round a lot too, but he's a lonely only, so it's lovely hearing him hanging out with them online.

It’s definitely not anywhere near as bad as GTA, no way. It’s a bit of a daft game to be honest. It’s a bit more like Tomb raider if you’re old enough to remember that. There’s shooting in it but I’m not offended or worried by it and I hate guns. (I’ve sat and watched them both play it) There is a zombie mode but my 9yo DS is banned from that. There is a social element to it and they all chat to each other. My 9yr old is not allowed to do that, but my 13 yr old is, but only with people he knows.
I have begun to use it as a bargaining tool for both my DS, (9 &13y) and have found it an effective way to tempt them to tidy their room, do maths homework, sweep the yard etc. So basically they do half an hour of chores for an hour of Fortnite.
Maybe have a look on YouTube and see what you think? My only issue is like everyone else - if you have to fork out for a different console you just have to say no.

Can I ask a question not specifically about the main OP one?

I'm not really Xbox literate. We have Xbox gold because they play a couple of games that need it. How would we set up the headset thing?

I don’t know why you need to ask the internet about how you raise your child.

I suppose I asked for that.

Maybe because after several weeks of solid nagging, and 24 hours of the period from hell earlier I questioned whether I was actually in labour with a surprise I wondered if I'd missed something.

Maybe because my real life friends mainly have younger children so haven't been through this kind of situation yet. My OP explicitly asked how one deals with "but so and so is allowed" more generally.

I gave in and got this for my yr 5 ds last week on a free trial of Xbox live. He was begging as everyone at school had it and they were saying he was a baby...
Anyway, he is a sensitive soul, freaks out over random films (like Brave?!!) but it's fine. No blood or gore... but he has taken to mock shooting everyone in his eyeline.

My 9 year old is one of the youngest in his year. We downloaded it last week - my suggestion after a bit of research about it, and he was thrilled as his friends play it, but thought I would say no.

He is allowed on it on Friday nights, and for an hour or so on Saturday/Sunday. He also knows if he nags about it, loses his temper whilst on it or refuses to come off then he won't be on it again until the following week. I'm actually finding he's easier to get off it than he is other games because I can say "two more rounds" and it's time limited that way with a strict ending point for him.

If it came to buying a new console though, I would be saying no. Waste of money.

My 8, almost 9 year old plays it. We now have rules over it and he’s now not too bad at getting off when told.

We do however keep an eye on what he’s doing on it as whilst they do generally play well together there are times when a couple of the kids have been downright horrible verging on bullying. If it gets like that we turn it off straight away and he’s happy to leave the game as he doesn’t like the falling out.

Overall though he loves it and it is nice to hear him play well ( most of the time) with friends.

Do you know what his friends play this on? My 3 play this on a PC, so no cost at all (free download). However they can only play with their friends who also play on a PC - not a console as there is no crossover. You can always download it for PC just to give it a go. I'm talking about fortnite battle royale mode here, as that's what mine like to play.

XBox One, alas.

There was an XBox360 hack but the loophole has been closed. They already play networked games together across XBox live. When DC1 logs off, just before the audio cuts out you can hear Friend1 saying "right Friend2 let's play Fortnite now".

My 8yr old plays it at My parents house as we only have a 360. It’s really not a bad game, no gore or anything. His getting a one For his birthday soon so will then have it here. In the livingroom.

My husband plays Fortnite, while there are more violent, bloody games, I still don't think I'd let a 9 yo play it unless maybe you can be absolutely certain he'd only play with other kids.

Cuz I know what kind of language the adult players use.