Physical contact with older family members has always made me cringe.... why??

[Zaungast]

Just musing... I love my parents, they love me, no childhood abuse etc. I just don't like physical contact with them, never have. I will give them a weak perfunctory hug to say hello and goodbye, but that's it. It used to be the same with my grandparents - I loved them to bits, but never enjoyed hugs and kisses. A few years ago my mum was critically ill in hospital, unable to move, . I am ashamed to say that even in that dreadful situation it cost me no small amount of effort to even squeeze her hand :-(

My parents and maternal grandparents were never openly affectionate with each other - perhaps that's why? It's a shame - my paternal grandfather was very different and would have loved more cuddles from me/us - my sisters seem to be afflicted with familiar cuddlephobia as well.

My sisters and I are now in our late 30s and early 40s and slowly, slowly getting a bit more normal around each other. We have graduated from a mere smirky "hello" when seeing each other (long gaps in between as living in different countries) to a sarcastic pat on the shoulder accompanied by a semi sincere smile. It's actually quite funny :-) We are currently working on our embracing skills - have mustered approx 0.2 secs so far. BTW I have never talked to my sisters about this.

With my friends, inlaws, cousins, DH and kids I am not like that at all. I'm not overly tactile, but my kids do get showered with kisses and hugs all day, and fortunately they seem to enjoy it! I feel it's easier hugging my MIL and FIL even though I obviously love my own parents a lot more.

Weird, innit??

I don’t like to be touched in general. I’ll give kids I know well cuddles and let them clamber on and off my lap and I affection with my son but in general I don’t want to be touched or kissed.
Had a very bad childhood though.

Rose her post isn't ageist, it's factual. She's talking specifically about her own family members and her relationship with them, not generalising about everyone in an age group nor using an age related term as an insult.

Would you find it ageist if she said she felt awkward hugging and kissing younger family members but was fine with her grandparents?

Its an interesting one. I had a nan and grandad who lives miles away and were very affectionate and we would always give them a kiss and hug and it felt natural even as an adult.

My other grandparents were a bit more old fashioned and i dont recall ever hugging or kissing my grandad. The only time i hugged my nan was when she was crying the day after grandad died. That felt odd to do even at the time.

what strikes me is that being unable or unwilling to receive or provide physical affection is portrayed as something to be almost proud of. It seems a flaw to me, something missing, a limitation on how we can interact with others. I understand it happens but I would never be proud of it. It's like saying: what a shit protocol to say 'please/thank you'. I cannot bring myself to do it and it makes me cringe when others do it.
Don't do it. Set your physical boundaries clearly to others... must be some kind of cultural trait to be showing off that you cannot hug your own parents.