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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I tell mum of toddler that I brought DD to A&E after her DD pushed mine over (accidentally)

67 replies

Rainatnight · 16/03/2018 08:19

I'm friendly with another mum whom I always see at the playground, playgroup, etc. Our DDs are more or less the same age (below 2).

We bumped into them at a local attraction yesterday. Her DD gave mine a very enthusiastic hug, which toppled my DD backwards, smacking her head against a tiled floor.

I'm usually pretty relaxed about bumps to the head, but DD really wasn't right afterwards. She was drowsy, listless, clingy, crying, for about two hours solid. So I took her to A&E, worried she had concussion.

They kept her in for a few hours for observation and then said she was fine (but that I'd done the right thing by bringing her in).

So, that was my night last night. DD and are are going to playgroup this morning where we'll almost definitely bump into (I hope not literally this time ) the other mum and her DD.

Question is - do I say anything? She's extremely nice and I'm not annoyed, it was just an accident. At the same time, it would be quite hard to lie about how my evening was!

Thoughts!

OP posts:

Branleuse · 16/03/2018 08:50

no i wouldnt. It was a total accident. It wasnt as if the other child was being careless or aggressive, and they are all just babies. She basically tripped and it was noones fault

Teateaandmoretea · 16/03/2018 08:51

I wouldnt - but I'm sure your dd will talk to her friend about it.

She's under 2 - she may not be verbal enough to...

There is no under 2 year old on the planet who talks to their peers about what they did the previous evening.

I think you're overthinking this OP. It was an accident, so I don't really think it matters either way.

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2018 08:59

At the same time, it would be quite hard to lie about how my evening was!

"How was your evening?"

"OK, how was yours?"

moomoo85 · 16/03/2018 09:02

I wouldn't bring it up. If she asks how your day was I would say something like we had an eventful evening. DD was a bit out of sorts after her topple yesterday so I took her to a&e, all is ok though. How was yours.

Teateaandmoretea · 16/03/2018 09:02

TBF I think 'OK' is lying by omission. I would just eye roll and say 'oh don't ask, we ended up at AandE because I was worried about that bump she had to her head. She seems fine now though, overreacting mummy as usual' or something like that. It was an accident and the OP's dd is fine if she is going to toddler group this morning - there is nothing for anyone to feel bad about.

mummyretired · 16/03/2018 09:05

I wouldn't say anything about it to her unless asked, but I would put it in the accident book at playgroup - doesn't sound like a great surface for toddlers to be playing on.

Takeoutyourhen · 16/03/2018 09:06

Not worth mentioning. You would put a downer on her morning. It wasn't a foreseeable event and telling her you went to a and e would most likely leave her guilt ridden.

bettinasofine · 16/03/2018 09:08

I don't get why you would tell her? To make her feel bad?

Allthewaves · 16/03/2018 09:09

Why on earth would you other than to make her feel crap

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2018 09:12

How is 'OK' lying by omission?

She took the child to A&E and she turned out to be fine.

That's an OK evening to me, although I appreciate everyone's idea of what's OK is different.

Duckeggbluetin · 16/03/2018 09:12

She may well avoid you afterwards. Not because you did something g wrong, but out of embarrassment.

Teateaandmoretea · 16/03/2018 09:20

Going to a and e I would not rate as 'ok' but we are all different

Teateaandmoretea · 16/03/2018 09:21

Why should she feel bad? I really really don't get that.

user789653241 · 16/03/2018 09:21

No, I wouldn't. It's an accident. It happens. But it's up to you. Would you like to know if your dc accidentally hurt someone? What would you feel? Good about knowing? If yes, then tell her.

Duckeggbluetin · 16/03/2018 09:23

Tea would you feel it a lie to leave out from an account of an evening the row you had with your mum, or the amazing sex with your dp? You are under no obligation to tell everyone every detail of your life.

BarbarianMum · 16/03/2018 09:25

Your dd's fine. Why would you say anything?

BluebellCockleshell123 · 16/03/2018 09:26

I wouldn't mention it, unless she asks what you did last night. If you lie about it then she might find out from someone else.

StealthPolarBear · 16/03/2018 09:28

I think the op is asking should she avoid the subject. So if the other mum asks how her dd is should she tell her they went to a and e in the way she presumably would if anyone else asked.
Op yes if asked id mention it. Only an idiot would blame a toddler - presumably she knows you're not an idiot.

GeekyWombat · 16/03/2018 09:28

I wouldn't mention it. If I were in her position and you made a point of telling me you had gone to A&E (even if you said "I'm not angry or anything") I would nod, smile, and make a mental not to keep my child at a safe distance from yours to avoid any unnecessary incidents or drama.

Absolutely this. It’s not like her child was bullying yours or attacked her. It was a genuine accident borne of affection. No matter how you couch it you risk making her feel awkward or embarrassed, for something that clearly was pretty minor in the end if you’re off to playgroup this morning.

for you though, I’m sure last night was frightening. Glad she’s ok!

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/03/2018 09:31

Tea would you feel it a lie to leave out from an account of an evening the row you had with your mum, or the amazing sex with your dp?

It would depend how good a friend they were! :o

whywontteenswearcoats · 16/03/2018 09:34

Can your DD talk much yet? Is she likely to say “I was in the hospital/ saw nice nurse/had a big ouch on my head”? If there’s a chance then I’d say something first (as someone who has lost count of number of times DC have dropped me in it). Just be truthful “DD wasn’t herself last night, I got her checked out and all’s fine”

TheXXFactor · 16/03/2018 09:35

Imagine if you were the other mum in this situation. Would you want another mum coming to you saying 'Btw, your daughter put mine in A&E last night'? - because that'll be how she hears it

This. Even with an older child, I wouldn't say anything if it had been a genuine accident. What on Earth would you achieve, other than upsetting the other mother?

StealthPolarBear · 16/03/2018 09:39

Well because if anyone else asked id tell them. Avoiding the subject with her suggests I do blame her dd, which is madness.

Witchend · 16/03/2018 09:46

I find that you put in your title that it was a push and then in your OP it was a hug quite upsetting, which feels like you're trying to blame the other child.

If the subject comes up as in "was she okay" or "what did you do last night" you can play it down. "Dd was acting a bit funny after she'd bumped her head earlier, so I took her to A&E where they observed her a bit and thankfully said she was fine."
If they ask "was it when they fell down together" you can answer "yes" and joke about the hug that ended in an A&E trip being one to tell at the wedding.

My ds was squashed quite badly during a hug which toppled over. He was a very small 6yo, and his friend was a very large (taller than his 13yo brother and broad with it) 6yo. Wouldn't have ever blamed the other boy and nor did ds (although he said he'd make sure he ended up on top next time )

OneStepSideways · 16/03/2018 09:47

Why mention it and make her feel guilty? Your child lost her balance during a hug, it wasn't all the other toddler's fault. She's fine now so I don't see why you'd mention it.

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