Childbirth - wwyd

[Namechangemum100]

Please be gentle on me, I am heavily pregnant and trying to do the best by everyone and just don't know what the right decision is.

I am 38 weeks pregnant with dC2, Dc1 is 13 months old.

Originally we had planned a home birth, however I have been having second thoughts as I just don't think I will be able to relax with Dc1 here.

The alternative is of course to go to our local mlu where I had Dc1, which I am comfortable with, but we have major childcare issues.

Essentially, as we live far from family, Dc1 has no real solid connections with any family members as she sees them so infrequently. She does have really good relationship with my other mum friends, but they all have young babies themselves, and cannot provide any childcare for us.

The 2 options I am left with is to either continue with the home birth which I'm really unsure about, or to go to the mlu alone whilst dh looks after Dc1. If it happens over night we may be able to get a neighbour to sit in with her whilst she's asleep which I am not 100% comfortable with as she is a very sensitive baby and I doubt she will be able to resettled without one of us there which makes me very anxious.

I cannot bear the thought of someone she isn't comfortable with,like my dm or mil bathing and settling her as I know how upset she will get, and I just can't even imagine it. I don't want her to spend all night distressed and I just don't think it's fair when she is so little.

Aibu to go to the hospital alone? Wwyd?

When you plan a homebirth you still really need to be sensible and have robust childcare options in place incase of a transfer in.

So having a homebirth doesn't really help OP if there were an emergency.

Does she have to be bathed every night.. Can't she just stay and not have to be washed.

What about your mum or mil supporting you at the birth?

I'd be inclined to think that it doesn't matter so much if DC1 doesn't sleep well that night, it's only one night after all. And she may surprise you.

My DC2 was born unexpectedly ill and we were transferred to a hospital 100 miles away for surgery. I was away from DC1 for almost three weeks, I had never left him for longer than a night before that. He coped, as did we all.

DC2 might not remember that their dad wasn't there at their birth but they will still know! Unless you plan to lie about it? Or about the reason why?

My granny looked after me a grand total of twice in my life. Once when my sister was born and once when my brother was born. I can count on my fingers the number of times we had babysitters ever so we were definitely not used to being 'left'.

This is a real non issue and needs must. I am all for responsive parenting but honestly your 1 year old is still a baby and will not remember this or be scarred for life by it.

If something goes wrong you will want your DH. If it's all fine you might be in and out in less than half a day.

I understand you feel torn but really for the sake of one night or one day - you don't know yet!! I would drop your DC off at a friends. Worst case your friend has a bad night without sleep and your DC watches iPad or something for hours. It's not going to be a big deal in the long run.

I remember losing this question to my friend (mum of 3) when heavily pg with my second child. She said that you just ring around your friends until the first one picks up!! She was right. 😀

I would still plan for a home birth - hubby can look after dc1 as well at home as at the mlu. Baby might come overnight and dc1 might sleep through! You can transfer to mlu at any point and as the midwives are likely to be there anyway there is a good chance you'd get a ambulance transfer and hubby can decide what to do at that point.

You don't have to make any decisions in advance - they can be changed at any point (but you can plan).

we had a similar situation. I went alone and it was fine.

Second what others are saying - your DH should have opportunity to be there for you and his DC - you say DC2 won't know which of course they won't but for example he maybe able to do skin to skin if you need medical care. I worried so much about what would happen to Dc1 when in labour so I know where you are coming from but they will be fine if you need to leave them with friends or child minder - but you need to convince yourself of this. For what is worth my midwife said often labour doesn't properly kick off until you know your other DC are ok- was true for me! Most elder siblings will have been left with others whilst younger ones are being born - obviously ideally would be someone who knows them well but as long as they are safe and cared for they will be ok. Best of luck

We were in a similar position (no family nearby), and worried about imposing on friends. However I ended up with really bad morning sickness in pregnancy and we ended up getting an au pair just so someone could play with dd whilst I vomited all day. She was so brilliant and we managed to convince her to stay an extra few months so that we'd have someone around when I went into labour.

In the end she wasn't really needed as contractions started at 6am, so we took dd to nursery at 8am then dh and I drove to hospital, I had ds at lunchtime, meaning dd could be picked up by dh at 3.00 (then came back to hospital to take me home).

But I would suggest looking at getting an au pair/babysitter around now to play with your dd now and build up a fun bond and then they could look after her whilst you are in labour. Or look at a doula as pp have suggested.