Ungrateful housemate

[probablynapping]

So - me and my housemate are both members at the same gym. I have a car, so I do all the driving. Everywhere. Supermarkets, meals out, anywhere we go I drive, and never ask for anything in return (and no one ever offers).
So when I decide to go to the gym, I let her know so she can come and get a lift if she wants to. I just offered (via text) and her response was 'nah I'm in pjs'.
Is it me or is that quite a thoughtless, rude response to someone offering to take you somewhere? A simple 'no thank you' would have been fine. If the situation was reversed I'd have said 'not feeling the gym right now but thanks for thinking of me!'

Context: she's been bugging me all day while I've been frantically trying to write my essay. Sitting on my bed moaning about how she wants to do something 'fun' while I've been sat at my desk agonising over work, clearly not up for visitors.

I just feel a bit used - like she'll be my friend when she feels like it, but she's abrupt the rest of the time. Is she a CF or am I wrong to call her out for that response?

What does she do for you? There’s online shopping too these days so it’s unnecessary for you to drive her. Don’t be milked dry.

She doesn't do anything but I don't expect anything - just a little bit of respect! Even if it wasn't meant to be rude, it was thoughtless. Surely when someone is offering something to you, you don't just respond with 'nah'?

You're definitely overthinking her response to your text, which doesn't seem at all rude to me, but in general if you feel taken advantage of stop offering to give lifts etc.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that response. If someone asked if I wanted to do something and I was sat in my pyjamas I'd say exactly that!

That said, you do seem to be going out of your way to offer to do stuff for her. Stop doing that if you don't feel she's appreciative

Is it me or is that quite a thoughtless, rude response to someone offering to take you somewhere?

No, its fine. But thats not why you are mad at her.

Doesn't seem rude at all from someone you see every day. If you're feeling taken advantage of deal with that, don't read insults into unrelated things.

No one likes being treated like a free cab, bus passes and feet get lots of people around just fine.

I think her text response just was the last straw for you.

Sounds fine to me. My close friends and family all do quick replies like that - a few would text "nah but thanks".

Real life conversations convey gratefulness, when chatting etc, just seems to be the way things are these days.

Her response is fine.

Her never thanking you for lifts etc is the problem here.

Don't give her a ride anywhere if you expect her to show constant gratitude as payment. She has used the incorrect words, not been sufficiently grateful and now you feel disrespected, sheesh!

Not rude at all

as you are living together, she just replied the way she would have spoken to you. I don't think it that rude if you imagine her saying it. She did forget the "nah THANKS" in the middle.

What did you write in your text?

If you wrote ‘I’m going to the gym, do you fancy coming’ then her answer was fine.

If you wrote ‘I’m going to the gym, would you like a lift?’ then her reply is rude.

One you are asking if she wants to do something with you, the other you are offering a favour.

The espouse was fine. It just jokey and lighthearted.

If you want a contribution for petrol or parking then ask. I would. 💁🏻

Stop offering.

If she comes into your room to moan, tell her to go, be very clear. You have work to do, tell her to sod off.

Stop offering. You are falling into a habit that will annoy you more and more. If you want to go to the gym just go. Ditto shopping.

Let her ask you for a lift if she wants one and ask nicely. When you need to pay for parking tell her she can get that one in lieu of petrol. She will get the message.

One you are asking if she wants to do something with you, the other you are offering a favour.

Wow. I would see no difference between those two when it comes to the type of casual response required between friends who see one another daily.

Feel free to say you don't fancy driving on a night out so you'll just hop in her cab.

Her reply was fine. Lighthearted. Normal.

I don't see the problem. You only give her lifts if your going there anyway? Why does she need to give you petrol money when she's just tagging along?
It's not like she said nah I don't fancy going to the gym right now but can you give me a lift later. That would be unreasonable.

she's been bugging me all day while I've been frantically trying to write my essay

Why didn't you just tell her to leave you to get on with your essay?

Wow. I would see no difference between those two when it comes to the type of casual response required between friends who see one another daily

Wow.

They’re housemates, not friends. If she was offering her a lift and not asking if she wanted to do something together and it’s phrased as a LIFT then a politer response is required, when you are housemates, not friends.

You need to treat yourself with respect first if you want that from others.
Stop being a mug getting used by freeloaders -
Stop sharing details of your itinery - you're not joined at the hip.
Stop offering lifts everywhere -start expecting her to do the courtesy of asking you
Start asking for fuel contribution for each journey/per week - or leave her to use public transport
Assert yourself when she's invading your personal space or disturbing your study time.

People who are too nice to others will invariably get taken advantage of if they don't have any boundaries in place.

I was in your exact position many many years ago. I drove, my flat mate didn't. After months of dealing with her demands and passive-aggressive behaviour regarding chauffeuring her arse around, I had had enough. Stop being a doormat and let her deal with her own affairs.