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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave them on their own?

70 replies

Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 13:41

DD, 16 years has a boyfriend. Nice lad, v nice lad. They probably know more about the birds and bees than us old fogues. They are arranging dates and trystes, trying v hard to be alone. Alarm bells ringing. Met my husband when he was a teen......he has nice lad, a v nice lad. He was also a raving sex machine!

OP posts:
Afreshcuppateaplease · 15/03/2018 13:45

Shes 16

She will probably do it anyway

As long as they are safe id leave them be

Monoblock67 · 15/03/2018 13:45

Well if she’s 16 the best thing you can do is give her a pack of condoms and make sure she knows all about the importance of safe sex. Other than that I’d leave them too it. I’m forever scarred by my mother telling me at 16) that I shouldn’t be going to the GP to get the pill because ‘you’re not in love with him’ (in her eyes!).

Kingsclerelass · 15/03/2018 13:46

I assume you've already had the "being careful" conversation.

If your daughter is so inclined, nature will take its course so I'd make sure there's a box of condoms on a bathroom shelf, and obviously available.

DietCokeGirrrrrl · 15/03/2018 13:47

She's 16 so if she wants to have sex with him it's a) legal and b) to be expected! If he is a nice boy I would make your peace with the fact that it's going to happen anyway and just make sure she knows everything she needs to know about protection. You can't stop her - you can only stop her feeling like she's able to come to you for help.

Original poster
Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 13:52

OMG. Buying condoms for them? Who me? Sorry it's too cringeworthy. Do I just breezily say "hi picked these up, thought you young uns would like the bubble gum flavour"
Also condoms are crap....big failure rate right?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/03/2018 13:56

Also condoms are crap

OMG are you for real!? They prevent transmission of STDs!

NOTHING ELSE DOES.

I seriously hope your daughter gets better sex education at school.

MrsPatmore · 15/03/2018 13:56

Suggest she has a chat with the GP about contraceptive options?

Lazypuppy · 15/03/2018 13:57

Condoms plus pill -pregnancy and STIs covered. Don't teach her the man doesn't need condoms!!

Original poster
Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 13:57

Ok ok. What I meant was on their own! Well, aren't they?

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 15/03/2018 13:58

Also condoms are crap....big failure rate right?

Maybe you should get some sex education before you try and educate your DD.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/03/2018 13:58

Are you trying to put on some kind persona in your posts?

ReasonableLlama · 15/03/2018 14:02

I used condoms exclusively for 6 years. The only time I fell pregnant is when I didn't use one (on purpose). Plus as PP said they are the only thing which protects against STIs.

16 year olds will have sex whether that be in your house; his parents house or in the park.

Best thing you can do is be open if she needs someone to talk to for advice (accident for example)

Original poster
Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 14:02

Agree, Lazypuppy thank you. We will have a chat asap and I will try and see what's going on. Trust me girls, it's much easier to dispense third party than have to deal with your own. I'm not perfect, but I am trying. 😬

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 15/03/2018 14:04

I'd have a contraceptive chat. Discuss if the pill, injection or implant would be appropriate as well as using condoms.

Chrys2017 · 15/03/2018 14:05

Just buy them and leave them in her bedroom. Not bubblegum flavoured. Give her a code word to add them to the shopping list for when she runs low.

Original poster
Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 14:06

What about the "it's nice to save yourself for someone REALLY special" chat .....as a precursor? Or am I dreaming. Husband was a very very nice lad - parents loved him - and a raving sex machine!

OP posts:
SossidgeRoll · 15/03/2018 14:07

Mine three are a bit young for this chat but thinking back to my own first 'forays'! I would say that the four best things you can do for your daughter are:

  1. Buy and make condoms available - don't be squeamish!!
  2. Get her to the GP to possibly get on the pill AS WELL AS USING CONDOMS.
  3. Teach her and her BF about enthusiastic consent.
  4. Leave the house for a decent amount of time! ;)
Original poster
Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 14:08

But Chrys isn't that saying "you go have sex" big thumbs up from me & your dad ?!

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 15/03/2018 14:09

I think SossidgeRoll has summed it up well.

iklboo · 15/03/2018 14:11

But how do you know who's 'really special'? Right now her bf is to her.

AthenasOwl · 15/03/2018 14:12

They are gonna do it anyway wether you give them the thumbs up or not.
You can have the safe sex chat and the saving yourself for someone special chat..they aren't mutually exclusive. Give her options.

DailyMailEatsSnails · 15/03/2018 14:12

Have you had the safe sex & avoid diseases talk?

Start with "I don't want to talk about this any more than you do, but I'd be irresponsible parent if I didn't ask if you know about..."

Original poster
Tinkobell · 15/03/2018 14:13

Ok. So ..... let's fast forward a little. Say conversation happens, likely outcome is a denial "no we are not, wouldn't etc" ..... would you get the condoms anyway?

OP posts:
DailyMailEatsSnails · 15/03/2018 14:14

"it's nice to save yourself for someone REALLY special" chat

That's a good. But even better is "Sex should be special not cheap, you deserve nothing less than wonderful"

They say that kids who have good self esteem & high aspirations are least likely to make bad decisions.

MojoMoon · 15/03/2018 14:14

Nothing is less sexy than your parents telling you to have sex

Nothing is more sexy than it being a bit "naughty".

And maybe he is special and nice and therefore why should she be waiting?

You keep talking about your husband being a raving sex machine at 16. Are you saying you regret having sex with him at that age? Maybe you are projecting your issues into this.

She should go to the GP or sexual health clinic and talk about pill/implant/other long lasting contraception. I would recommend sexual health clinics as they are in experts and sometimes GPs are less so for example not many GPs are trained to fit MIrena coils but sexual health clinic doctors will be