To leave them on their own?

[Tinkobell]

DD, 16 years has a boyfriend. Nice lad, v nice lad. They probably know more about the birds and bees than us old fogues. They are arranging dates and trystes, trying v hard to be alone. Alarm bells ringing. Met my husband when he was a teen......he has nice lad, a v nice lad. He was also a raving sex machine!

I owe my sorry exsistence to the teens and exclusive condoms combination. Talk to her about what she wants

Agreed dancer. Like your style lweji. I was thinking "here's a starter pack, if you need more just ask your Dad .....or look next to the cat food!" .....have lost the plot now!

Husband and I had loads of condom disasters .....poor eyesight and dexterity! Had to use Morning after pill. Very grim. Wouldn't want that.

I took my DD to the FPC to get her first prescription for the pill - she had just turned 16. Didn't have a boyfriend at the time but wanted to be prepared. Nurse said how nice it was to have a young woman looking ahead like that and supported by her mum as she mostly saw girls who had left it too late and wanted abortions!! Yes she still has girls who believe you can't get pregnant standing up !!

Told all 3 of my kids (2 boys and a girl) please wait til you're 16 and legal, always use condoms and never allow yourself to feel forced into sex. We dont have in depth conversations about sex but I think they would be able to come to me if they were in trouble of any sort,

That is very impressive Blobby. You're too good, but I will try. X

They make a funny site by the way. DD Is teeny weeny, he is humongous ....but has a very high pitched voice. Cute!

She will have sex anyway, you may as well get her to the gp/sexual health clinic and on the pill, they will also give her a nice big bag of condoms to keep her going, no need to waste money on them. It's a far less awkward conversation than 'mum I'm pregnant' no?

Well when I was in your situation I said to my daughter, "Sooner or later you are going to be think about sex, why don't you make an appointment and go on the pill now, it's one less thing to stress about and you don't want to get pregnant do you? And remember you need condoms to prevent STDs".

So she went to doc and got the pill. Simples.

And DD2 has only ever had proper relationships with girls, but has dated boys (not yet met one she wants to get serious with), so before she went to uni I encouraged her to go on the pill in case she meets a boy who appeals.

Dont forget to tell her that just messing around with fingers and pre-cum can end up with an oops. That is bound to get her cringing.

Good point SeaToski, thanks. Though you've just put me off me custard creams!

Omg! THIS type of parenting is WHY our teen pregnancy and Sti rates are so high!

I'm guessing from your posts you've NEVER or very barely discussed sex, relationships, consent, bodily autonomy, contraception, sti's and safer sex etc etc with her?

You've left it very late but you need to talk to her ASAP about as much of it as possible.

would you get the condoms anyway? YES!

"Erm sorry but Im really not going to be a cool mum and be buying condoms and asking them for code words!
Bloody hell !" Excellent - you want to be a young granny then?

My dd is 17, sex ed has been a discussion since before she was in primary school! Age appropriately of course but differences between boys and girls, what a loving relationship looks like, privacy, bodily autonomy, being able to tell someone "no" if they're doing something you're uncomfortable with, then later how babies are made, puberty changes, consent, personal safety when out, peer pressure, hormonal pressure, contraception, safer sex... It's a gradual thing you talk with them about all their lives - not suddenly at 16!

Ime both as a teen myself and now with dd and her friends the ones well informed and able to talk to their parents and who's parents discussed this openly with them FAR less likely to have unplanned teen pregnancy, sti's, vulnerable to sexual assault.

condoms as a form of contraception are, with experienced users something like 98% effective.

BUT

For people in their first year of having sex and exclusively using condoms the stats drop down to around 60% effective.
Quite a sobering thought

Have a good chat with her about the fact she's 16 with a boyfriend which means legally she can have sex but that doesn't mean she has to but that if she wants to you want to make sure she is safe. Explain diff options and give her some condoms but again explain she doesn't have to do anything she's not ready for. It's also important if you feel up to it to talk about healthy relationships and that when she decides to have sex it should be a mutually pleasurable experience. Good luck I have these chats with young people as part of my job but admit I'm sure it's much more daunting with your own teenagers

If I can be half the mother my mum was to me I'd be happy. I was a sensible teen anyway...went on the pill at 16 (without telling my mum) because I knew I was going to have sex with my long term boyfriend at some point

About a week after we first did it, my mum took me for a walk and all she asked was whether I was using contraception. I tried blustering out of it but she just have me 'the look'.

Told her I was on the pill. She was relieved. Have me condoms and told to speak to her about anything if I ever feel the need.

She is the best mum in the world. Be like my mum

I come from a country with a low teen pregnancy rate. I was taught in biology vlass at 12 everything about contraception. All options and where to get them. My mum told me that if I ever wanted the pill at whatever age for whatever reason she would agree without further questions. I later went on the pill to truly regulate my cycles . The condoms were next to the tampons.

I think you should be more matter-of-factly. "You're growing up quickly so you might want to know ahead of time that we keep a stash of condoms there. We don't count them". And then make sure there will always be enough. If you have more kids 12+ then tell them at the same time.

So. Had the chat. Went very well. This is the gist
DD - "we're not having sex if that's what you mean, we've only been going out a month - I'm probably going to dump him before uni"
Have offered easy no cringe access if required to all available services and have offered to buy condoms.
Could of things came out - she thought condoms alone were just fine. So that's cleared up.
Not sure she'd really considered fiddling with fingers Pre-cum thing of any risk.
So a good discussion and many things sorted out. Glad I made this post and I appreciate the encouraging responses and experience of others. Thank you!
Ps gotta 15 year old DS who will also need a talking to!!!

Nice one, OP!

I had zero input from my parents regarding any sexual health matters - periods,, sex, contraception - I had nothing. Fortunately I was pretty clued up and muddled through by myself but my mum hit the roof when she found out that I was on the pill at 16.

I like to think that when I have teenagers I'll not repeat my parents mistakes. I would hope for open dialogue (my husband's family are very open about such things). I think I'd rather the thought that they were having sex in the safety of my house rather than who knows where (let's face it, teenagers will have sex regardless and there are plenty of worse places than the family home) and ensure that condoms were freely available to them (and probably half their mates).

I'll probably feel very differently when I actually have a teenager mind you!!

Make sure she knows you actually have to take the pill, it doesn't work if you vomit, read the leaflet