To take a stand against my 6 year old and DM

[crashbangwhallop]

Had a visitor this morning who had to look around our house. I spent this morning doing the manic pre visitor clean as always. Running around like a headless chicken with the bloody hoover, bleach down the loo, scoop the poop out of the cat litter so nobody thinks even my cats shit stinks.
I get to the bedrooms, my room just needs the bed made and a hoover and we’re okay. DS room looks like someone’s set a toy and paper bomb off in there... there’s lego everywhere, ripped up paper on the floor, underpants flung across the room and clean clothes pulled out of his closet to be left on the floor. I looked at it for about ten minutes before deciding he would be coming home from school and tidying his bloody mess up himself. I spent Sunday (Mother’s day of all days) cleaning his room and trying to organise his toys so that he could clear space for his birthday presents this weekend. No doubt it will just add to the ridiculous amount he has.
I worked really hard to clean it and organise it and at some point he has shat all over that hard work.
I told the guy who came over that I was sorry it was like it but DS would be tidying it this afternoon after school. He agreed with me.
After he was gone DM and DSis called together and have both told me IABU to think a 6 year old can put his own toys away. Apparently this is slave labour and I should be ashamed of myself. DM has a habit of spoiling DS rotten. The one time she has visited us she spent it doing his tidying for him because I asked him to put his toys away before he had dinner.

6 isn’t too young to be tidying your own mess up is it? I’m not asking him to get the hoover out or scrub the walls, just put his toys back in any of the bloody boxes he got them out of!

of course yanbu

but its' not taking a stand against your DS. It's teaching him a life skill.

Slave labour to tidy up after you make a mess?

Of course you're right. The child won't be emotionally scarred from picking up a few toys. Sounds like classic grandma behaviour though, you'll be having the same argument with your DS in 30 years

Ignore them. My three year old tidies up every night before bed and it hasn't harmed him!

yanbu.

No way in the world would I tidy a 6 year olds bedroom.

What does it teach them if you tidy all their mess, be it physical or metaphorical?

Of course not. I worked in nurseries and we did 'tidy up time' where ALL children (age 2-5) had to help put the toys away.

If he hasn't done it at home before though then maybe you could do it together so he can learn from you or turn it in to a race or something to make it fun rather than a punishment type task.

Why on earth were your mother and sister involved in the first place????

YANBU. It won't harm him to tidy up his own mess. I often have to remind my DD that if she wouldn't do something at school, then she probably shouldn't do it at home (e.g., jumping around instead of sitting down to eat, climbing on furniture, leaving a mess lying around...).

My four year old helps me pick his toys up. Sometimes he does it well, sometimes badly, but he has to do it.

Yanbu.

They do it at school - his mess not yours

He’s 6, it sounds as though you’ve always done it for him and suddenly you’ve changed the rules!
But it’s never too late to get him to tidy up behind him, he’s probably a bit too old to make it into a game though.
It might be time for the carrot and stick approach, he can’t watch tv or whatever until his room is tidy.
TBH it’s nothing to do with your DM, it’s not a punishment as someone already said, it’s life.

Of course he should be tidying up. But I think you have to remember he is six and needs to be sent to tidy up before bed every night. At 6 it would not be his priority

Tell your mum and sister to fuck off.

You will need to teach him how to do it and support snd praise him but please please do it.

I know I totally did all the cleaning for my 5 and I know my dils had to whip my older 2 boys into shape.

They have all learned now but if I could go back I would definatly do that differently and give them more responsibility and make them do chores

YANBU. My 2 year old can tidy away.

My 6 year old tidies her own room, but I think you're on to a losing battle if you just tell him to "tidy your room". Mine need specific instructions so I say, "Pick up all the books and put them on your bookshelf. When you've done that come and get me."
Then the next step - put all your my little ponies in that box, then come and get me.
Etc etc.

DS is 8 and (when he wants to) can sort it by himself now. But no chance at 6.

Obviously your mother and sister are being completely ridiculous, and obviously he should be tidying it up himself. But what happened is pretty much par for the course for a 6yo. I think emotionalising it into some act of disrespect by saying he 'shat all over [your] hard work' is inappropriate. Children tend not to have an emotional investment in tidiness. I hope you're not going to rail at him and make him feel in trouble when he comes home - all that's needed is pointing out unemotionally that his room needs doing before playing/TV time/whatever. I'm also not sure what his birthday has to do with it and why the amount of stuff he has seems to be out of your control.

Who was this visitor that it was so vital for everything to be pristine and a messy 6yo's room needed apologising for?

YABU to provide him with a shit ton of toys then expect him to keep his room tidy without substantial help and encouragement from yourself. How could you not know it was messy today, have you not bern in it since Sunday?

YANBU. I expect my three year old to do it. He does it. End of story. Hardly child abuse.

No you are being a parent, they can say what they want but it is your responsibility to make sure he is able to look after himself and tidy up after himself, in increasing steps. At 6yrs I think you still have to break it up into small tasks, with some verbal praise/encouragement.

I have the same issue with my 6yo DS never tidies up after himself but we are gradually getting him to do so, bring his own plates, cups etc to the kitchen after eating, making sure all clothes are off the floor at end of evening.

My 36 year old brother still lives with his shit strewn everywhere DS will not live like that or think it is acceptable.

I was never told to tidy my toys away as a child and it's only since a lot of nagging from DP that I've finally re-taught myself to be tidy Mess just didn't bother me before.

I am already teaching my 2yo to tidy up after herself because I don't want her to grow up thinking it's normal not knowing what colour your carpet is.

Who tidied up your toys when you were 6?

I 2nd telling them to fuck off... your raising a little man who needs to learn that it isn't woman who just do the household chores. My 5 year old has a rule if she has finished playing with something she has to put it away before getting something else out... my DM accused me of having OCD for that

No, it's fine. I agree with PP's though that you need to say things like: start with the clothes and put them in your drawers or the washbasket. Then put the books on the bookshelf. Put the toy cars in the box. etc. And pop back regularly with encouragement, otherwise they give up. It's bloody annoying, and I am a bit shit at insisting, tbh, but needs must. It's a life skill and everyone's happier in the end.