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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking over

52 replies

Freya85 · 15/03/2018 08:33

I give my 1 year old small pieces of fruit, cheese ect to eat off her plate. Other things I would spoon feed her but generally I let her pick away. Mil doesn't like this and thinks she's going to choke. Now I get that if mil is minding her on her own the odd day she might feel more comfortable mashing and spoon feeding dd but what I don't get is when I was giving dd her dinner which was cut up tiny mil took it off her and went and mashed it then proceeded to spoon feed her. I was sitting beside DD at the table. DD wasn't struggling with the food at all and was happily eating it whilst we ate our dinner. My husband thinks it's just her way but I think it was plain rude. AIBU

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 15/03/2018 08:35

It was rude and the next time you take the plate off her and feed your child the way you want.

It's nice she's concerned, but do not let her overrule your parenting when you are there and talk to your husband that "just her way" is a copout for children who are afraid to stand up to their parents.

LightDrizzle · 15/03/2018 08:40

Rude. “Please don’t do that Debbie, it’s very rude when I’m sat right next to you.” - take plate back.

RedRedDogsBeg · 15/03/2018 08:40

What did you say to her when she did that?

Original poster
Freya85 · 15/03/2018 08:43

Thanks IDONTDOWINDOWS. It was the day that was in it a big family dinner so I didn't want to cause a scene. My dd is very good at eating so will take food anyway but I try encourage her to eat it herself.

OP posts:
caseymoo · 15/03/2018 08:52

I would have been fuming that's just so blatantly rude to you

CoraPirbright · 15/03/2018 08:59

I am too old to really know much about baby-led weaning (I just did the purée thing) but isnt this along those lines? I mean with BLW dont you just give the baby little bits of what you have and let them have a go? Perhaps you should print out some literature regarding BLW (from a source your MIL will recognise and respect) and give it to her to read. Then say that this is what your health visitor has recommended.

You shouldnt have to do this, of course, and your MIL is being rude and overbearing. However, I do know how much my own dm freaked out when I gave my children grapes - she was beside herself with worry about choking, whether or not someone was literally sat beside them.

Lou573 · 15/03/2018 09:02

Maybe tell her by 1 they should definitely be getting used to eating chunks. How long does she expect to mash her food for?!

Thundercatshoooo · 15/03/2018 09:02

It was very rude of her, effectively undermining you. I'd have taken the plate back and pointed out you are right there.

My mil is the sort of person who won't actually say/do anything at the time but will bitch to every man and his dog about how she isn't happy. When we'd just started weaning our daughter and was baby led weaning I gave our daughter toast cut into strips. My mil didn't say anything at the time but I found out she'd told her mother, sister... Etc that she wasn't happy about what I was doing. My husband had words and told her to butt out in the end. I didn't feed our daughter around her after that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/03/2018 09:07

" it's fine mil DD doesn't need her food mashing up now " that's all you need to say and keep saying if she continues to mash the food up.

honeysucklejasmine · 15/03/2018 09:09

My mil struggled a bit with it. My niece is 9 months older and her parents did the puree thing, rusks, pouches etc. Mil is not British so understandably thought this was the way the British wean their children. She was very confused when we rejected all of the baby specific foods and just gave DD bits off our plates. She tried once or twice to get our DD doing it her way but we just politely declined each time and explained what we were doing. The key was that both DH and I were together in telling her.

Your DH needs to step up and rock the boat if it needs rocking.

EB123 · 15/03/2018 09:12

Just say she doesn't need her food mashing up. Even if you wean traditionally instead of BLW, by one you wouldn't be mashing food.

user1493413286 · 15/03/2018 09:13

My mil does exactly the same; I’ve expl Baby led weaning to her and I can see she doesn’t really agree and hates the mess.
Me or DP will just tell her firmly that she doesn’t need to mash it and politely tell her to leave DD to it.
I agree about the rare occasion she’s looking after DD I don’t mind purées etc as she needs to be comfortable if it’s just her but if I’m there I won’t have my decision making over ridden

bengalcat · 15/03/2018 09:13

I'd have mashed up MIL food and spoon fed her

MrsCrabbyTree · 15/03/2018 09:14

Unless your child was overfilling her mouth your MIL should have left DD to feed herself. In busy situations it is good to have more than one set of eyes watching little ones and keeping them safe though. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter if she has mashed foods on occasion, but I understand you feel it is your decision.

MrsDilber · 15/03/2018 09:17

She shouldn't have don't it and yanbu, but your DD will be eating chunks at 6, she's not going to be delayed because mil mashed it up.

I actually liked mil fussing over my kids, shows she gave a shit. There are many a mil who don't get involved/help/babysit.

Blackteadrinker77 · 15/03/2018 09:20

I think that is wrong and over stepping the mark.

To me that says stuff what you want to do with your child I know best.

Qvar · 15/03/2018 09:21

I have to be absolutely bullish with my parents about my kids and their food. they overfeed, they nag, they cajole, they threaten no pudding, they'd make them sit for hours - you have to butt in and create that scene.

Christmas day my dad started on Ds1 about not having sprouts. The kid's 15, he knows he doesn't like sprouts. I had to yawp across the table "IF YOU DON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE WE WILL LEAVE"

It's horrible to have to have that battle but your kid needs k=to know you're on their side and that can start now.

I'd have wordlessly taken the mashed-food-plate from her, taken it away, and replaced it with an identical plate of what I had served the first time, and moved the baby to the other side of me. That way you don't have to have the conversation but you are making it clear that you're not having their shit.

Mumto2two · 15/03/2018 09:22

Mil warfare strikes again Grin
Thank goodness mine lives 24 hours away, or she would have been doing the same. I think next time she oversteps the mark, I'd firmly take the plate back, and remind her that 'mother is in the room'!

Birdsgottafly · 15/03/2018 09:22

As said just explain it to her. I had to reread up on things when my first GC was born. Understanding the difference in gagging and choking is useful, as well. I also watched all the videos about first aid on an infant.

I'm only 50, but I know of children who chocked to death when I was under ten, most people do. Since then there has been a change, sausage skins etc.

So the concern will be coming from a protective place, she just needs to get her knowledge up to date.

She isn't a mind reader.

Birdsgottafly · 15/03/2018 09:24

Qvar you're projecting.

Qvar · 15/03/2018 09:27

Birdsgottafly, I'm literally talking about my own experiences with grandparents interfering with children's eating, of COURSE I'm projecting, the whole of Mumsnet is projecting, that's what sharing experiences and giving advice based on them IS

TheTab · 15/03/2018 09:27

Don't sit near your MIL at meals?

She is being ridiculous anyway. Hasn't she ever given a toddler a French baguette to gnaw on whilst going round Tesco?

or was that just me?

kaytee87 · 15/03/2018 09:28

Your mil is being weird and rude.
Ds has been using cutlery well by himself since 14 months and before that would only let me spoon feed him yoghurt & porridge (although he insisted on helping) would eat everything else by hand. I've not mashed anything since he was about 6mo Confused

diddl · 15/03/2018 09:30

You could have just told her that there was no need to mash the food.

If she insisted that it needed doing, just point out that advice has changed.

It's understandable that you didn't want to make a fuss though.

However, the fact that her son daren't say anything might suggest that she is used to just steamrollering over people as she thinks she knows best/things must be done her way.

Just be ready in future!

IWouldLikeToKnow · 15/03/2018 09:32

I would just politely say, "she's fine without having everything mashed now". No need to tell her she's rude or make a scene.

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