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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this bad?

58 replies

Badnewsbadnews · 14/03/2018 20:16

Imagine you get taken on a date - first one was very cheap, your choice, second one he takes you to dinner (was supposed to be his treat) but you’re running late so offer to split. He doesn’t push it and insist on paying.

You then also pay for the Uber back to your house, which is a good £30. Am unimpressed

OP posts:
SwishSwishBitch · 14/03/2018 20:18

I'm confusedConfused

Pengggwn · 14/03/2018 20:19

I don't get it. Why would you offer to split it because you were running late?

Original poster
Badnewsbadnews · 14/03/2018 20:20

I was a good 15 mins late so messaged saying “sorry! Dinner on me I think!” I felt bad and then offered to split at the end - he didn’t push it or insist on paying

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/03/2018 20:21
Confused
SwishSwishBitch · 14/03/2018 20:21

So did he pay for the meal or you?

SparklyMagpie · 14/03/2018 20:21

I'm also not understanding why you'd offer to split because you were running late?

You can't offer an then get pissed that they took you up on the offer

ChickensGoBoak · 14/03/2018 20:21

So you offered to pay, and are offended that you were allowed...?

JustfiedandAncient · 14/03/2018 20:21

Why should he?

Oysterbabe · 14/03/2018 20:22

You offered to split and he accepted your offer. If you don't want to split, don't offer to split.

SparklyMagpie · 14/03/2018 20:22

I think OP means that he didn't just still offer to pay for it all himself

Crunchymum · 14/03/2018 20:22

So you were late? Sent him a message to say dinner was on you? And are now pissed off he didn't pay for it?

YABVU

SwishSwishBitch · 14/03/2018 20:23

I think OP means that he didn't just still offer to pay for it all himself

Because she offered to split.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/03/2018 20:23

Agree with everyone else. You stood him up, even if only for a bit, and up prfefrfd.

Oysterbabe · 14/03/2018 20:23

Who paid for the first date?

Original poster
Badnewsbadnews · 14/03/2018 20:24

He paid for two rounds and I offered to pay for one as a courtesy thing

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 14/03/2018 20:24

You offered to pay before you even got there!

He is not responsible for where you live or how you choose the get there!

DalekDalekDalek · 14/03/2018 20:24

Don't offer something if you are going to get pissed off if it is accepted.

You sound like a lot of work, give the guy a break and dump him.

WunWegWunDarWun · 14/03/2018 20:25

You had said you were going to pay for the whole thing then offered to pay half.. why would they push to pay it?

FancyNewBeesly · 14/03/2018 20:26

If he pushed it and insisted, he’d then risk being perceived as an asshole.

Why should he insist when it was you who offered? I’m not sure why you think he should pay in the first place, or why you’re annoyed by how much it cost you to get home - if that was an issue, why not ask to meet somewhere closer to you?

This is just bizarre, honestly. Assuming you have a job, as most women do these days, there’s no need for men to pay for us at all and I’d be more annoyed if a man insisted on paying for me when I’ve said we should split it. Poor guy can’t win!

Yarboosucks · 14/03/2018 20:26

Blimey! What year are you living in?

Good a good deed and let that poor man go free!

Yarboosucks · 14/03/2018 20:27

Doh!

Do a good deed and set him free!

Glumglowworm · 14/03/2018 20:28

YABU

you offered to treat him because you were late, ended up splitting it and you think he’s unreasonable for not insisting on paying for both of you despite you originally saying dinner was on you and then suggesting to split it?

Dump him. He can do better.

SparklyMagpie · 14/03/2018 20:30

SwishSwishBitch yes I know that as you'll see my reply before that post. I was answering a couple previous posts

upsideup · 14/03/2018 20:30

he didn’t push it or insist on paying

Good! I always say I want to pay my own share, any guy who has ever pushed it or insisted it is a dick who I havnt gone on a second date with. Did you want him to assume that the poor little woman couldnt possibly have her own money or want to buy her own food and push to pay for her completely disregarding what she has said?

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 14/03/2018 20:31

YABVU and setting him up to fail. 1st was very cheap but your choice- now u are using it as a minus against him. Then you were late - disrespectful- but then expect him to demand to pay. This is the kind of thread I show to my DP to show him I'm not a psycho!!!