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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this bad?

58 replies

Badnewsbadnews · 14/03/2018 20:16

Imagine you get taken on a date - first one was very cheap, your choice, second one he takes you to dinner (was supposed to be his treat) but you’re running late so offer to split. He doesn’t push it and insist on paying.

You then also pay for the Uber back to your house, which is a good £30. Am unimpressed

OP posts:
Purplehammer · 14/03/2018 20:33

What did the Uber man think.

Original poster
Badnewsbadnews · 14/03/2018 20:34

In fairness (and I apologise) I am playing devils advocate here - sorry!

I didn’t have a problem with either of these behaviours but friends have suggested I should. I wanted opinions.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 14/03/2018 20:35

These expectations of jedi-mind-reading gymnastics will make you both resentful.

Set the man free. In the future; always be prepared to pay your own way, don't be seduced by the notion that men must pay for you.

gingergenius · 14/03/2018 20:37

If you offered to pay and he took you up on it, that's on you. Not sure about the Uber but if I'd paid for dinner I'd have suggested he pay for the Uber!

Popadoodledoo · 14/03/2018 20:38

sparkly lol didn't see it, But completley agree with it now I have

OP I think you're BVU. It's like you've tried to set him up, to fail.

Popadoodledoo · 14/03/2018 20:38

Name change fail lol

Yarboosucks · 14/03/2018 20:41

If your friends are advising you as you describe, you need to consider why. Either they are overly entitled princesses living in a time warp or the are jealous or they want to see you without this man.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 14/03/2018 20:41

He paid for two rounds and I offered to pay for one as a courtesy thing

Surely you paid because it was your turn?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 14/03/2018 20:43

This is the kind of thread I show to my DP to show him I'm not a psycho

Grin
Neverender · 14/03/2018 20:44

Did he come back to yours? I'd maybe be a bit Confused at the Uber but that's about it!

SparklyMagpie · 14/03/2018 20:45

Popadoodledoo Grin realised that I came across as harsh in my reply, was not intended,I'm getting too caught up in Rupaul's drag race Blush😂

Gemini69 · 14/03/2018 20:45

OP.. I hear you Grin he is not worth your energy or time Sweetheart.... I'd say no to a further date... Flowers

SwishSwishBitch · 14/03/2018 20:46

I'm sorry but now I'm super confused.

You say I didn’t have a problem with either of these behaviours

But in your OP you say
am unimpressed

ConfusedHmm

Jenasaurus · 14/03/2018 20:56

the £30 uber would annoy me, did he share the journey with you and leave you to pay the driver? he should have at least offered half

Original poster
Badnewsbadnews · 14/03/2018 20:57

I was the only one in the Uber - just saying, for context, that I travelled to him

OP posts:
category12 · 14/03/2018 21:04

Struggling to see what your friends think you should be angry about. If you hadn't offered to pay cos you were late and he'd backed out of it being his treat maybe. If you'd both travelled in the Uber, then yes. But since you offered and it was your transport, no.

DalekDalekDalek · 14/03/2018 21:08

20:16 Am unimpressed

20:34 I didn’t have a problem with either of these behaviours

Did you get whiplash from that u-turn you just made?

kabanner · 14/03/2018 21:08

Slightly off topic I was once having a drink with a date, 10 mins after he came back with a drinks (soft as I was driving) a meal turned up for him.

I wasn't expecting a dinner date, (as I hate them for a first date) just thought he has no social manners/skills.

I got us another drink and at the end said I didn't think we clicked.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/03/2018 21:09

OP, I send you are uncomfortable, don't pursue this relationship.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/03/2018 21:10

*Sense

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2018 21:10

If you were the only one in the Uber, then of course you would pay for it Confused

Who paid for the first (cheaper) date?

Jenna43 · 14/03/2018 21:10

I don't see a problem at all here. When you text him maybe he was sitting all confused and thinking "Well I was going to pay but now she wants to go halves, would I be a dick to insist?"

And yes I think you should have paid for your own Uber.

Yarboosucks · 14/03/2018 21:14

OP does not respond, just drips snippets of information….

VladmirsPoutine · 14/03/2018 21:21

As much of a feminist I am, I cannot help but always find it bemusing when some women only want equality when it suits them.

Presuming you are an adult woman with your own money and a degree of independence, nothing about his behaviour that night seems unusual - unless you are about to drip-feed that last year you paid for an all expenses trip to New York for the two of you.

In the future always be prepared to go halfs and don't have any expectations of anything more. I will admit I dislike stingy men, and you always can sniff them out eventually; but in this instance I can't see where he went wrong.

Oysterbabe · 14/03/2018 21:25

This is some kind of ridiculous reverse where people don't understand what's going on and just respond to the first post.

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