To have lost interest in working after 20 years?!?

[brownmouse]

I've worked for 20+ years. Another 25 to go...!

I'm bored with it! I'n disappointed in my career and just not really INTERESTED in it anymore. And I didn't even VAGUELY achieve what I hadn't hoped. But I also don't want to retrain.

Nothing interests me work wise. I'm sure in my 20s and 30s I was full of passion and wanting to ACHIEVE SHIT. Now I just want to stay at home and vacuum and drink tea and read books and hum to
myself.

I have another 25 years left to work.... I can't work part-time.

AIBU?!? Does anyone else feel the same?

This is a really interesting thread. I'm coming up to 57 and being made redundant. I've been working for 39 years. I can take my pension at 60 and I've don't have clue what to do next. I don't need to earn much..I'm just worried I'd be bored at home. Part time would be ideal.

So what about if husbands and partners said they'd like to lunch, go to the gym, do coffee and SAH?

And working school hours is a situation many people would be really glad to have. If you're bored at work I don't see how SAH would be magically interesting.

I feel similar. I don’t hate my job at all but can’t see myself doing it for another 25 years. Everyone is really young in my industry too which confounds the worry

So what about if husbands and partners said they'd like to lunch, go to the gym, do coffee and SAH?

I don't think anyone's saying that they'd just do this without consultation with their partner. I don't have a partner, but I'd still like to do it! And I'm sure that many partners do say the same thing - in a survey I read men were more likely to say their jobs were meaningless than women.

TBH I think this is the problem - lots of jobs are meaningless and produce stuff that we don't really need to buy, which in turn keeps us having to work harder to support our lifestyles. If I think of all the crap I've spent money on over the years, I could probably have paid my mortgage off twice over and have a big pension pot. Whilst extreme frugality doesn't sound much fun, accepting that I may have a limited time left to earn has focused my attention on what is a priority to spend on.

I've been feeling exactly the same - I have found my people!

lots of jobs are meaningless and produce stuff that we don't really need to buy, which in turn keeps us having to work harder to support our lifestyles. If I think of all the crap I've spent money on over the years, I could probably have paid my mortgage off twice over and have a big pension pot. Whilst extreme frugality doesn't sound much fun, accepting that I may have a limited time left to earn has focused my attention on what is a priority to spend on.

I'm having counselling - she asked me to look at my bank statement and assess whether my spending was due to stress, anxiety and general unhappiness at work, or whether it was necessary.

Guess what?

• coffee shops x a million
• wine x a million
• that top I didn't need
• that pair of shoes I didn't need
• lunch out again

I've now finished work (though signed off with anxiety for a few more weeks) and I'm slowly getting my head around it. Very slowly, but there all the same.

I'm looking forward to becoming more mindful and thinking about what's really important to me. And enjoying time with DD and DH rather than worrying about work.

I will need to work, for more reasons than cash, but I'm so burned out after 20 years I need a break, which feels indulgent but either I have a break or I break and probably my marriage too.

gerbil should have had props for that bold above.

YANBU, although I don't think disillusion crept in at 20 years. I've done 35 years with no breaks apart from holidays and sickness and still have at least 16 to go, unless the government extends it again.

I have had enough too although I am nearly 50 and been working since I was 18. I have 2 part time jobs amounting to full time together but have just handed my notice in on one as I just can't hack it anymore it was affecting my mental health.

I don't know how people stay in a particular career for years and years. I'm mid-30s and counting my current job I've worked in three different fields. I now run my own business. I'll do this for as long as I enjoy it, which may be until I retire. If I get tired of it, I'll do something else.

I think, possibly, people get trapped in jobs because they earn a certain amount and then build their life around that amount so much that they can't survive without it, or at least they feel they can't survive. It's sort of a self-made prison. If you put some thought into it and get a bit creative, there are usually loads of ways you can change things, but it takes effort. I think to an extent people get too comfortable - they go with what they know and with the reliable pay cheque but in the meantime they forfeit all possibility of change and growth.

I would hate to get to 68, look back and think 'thank god that's over' - that's practically your entire life! What a waste!

I also have no interest whatsoever in retiring. I may give up whatever job I'm doing when I'm mid-60s, but that'll only to be to do something different - maybe to write a book or start running toddler activities in my community. I think the mentality of having to go to work because you have no choice then escaping at the first opportunity is really damaging - you spend so much of your life working, it should be at least something you want to do, if not engaging and fun.

I would hate to get to 68, look back and think 'thank god that's over' - that's practically your entire life! What a waste!

I don't really feel like that, I think I've achieved some things I'm really pleased with and had an interesting career. I've just run out of energy for anything else, I've got reasonably "high up" and I don't think I can get any further without expending energy and time that I just don't have, so I guess it's just a feeling of having plateaued. It's possible that this is just a difficult time in my life, and when my DD leaves home I will have more energy (health allowing), though I expect when my DD leaves I will be more likely to want to spend the time on the various hobbies and other interests that I've put on hold or reduced for the past 18 years rather than work!

If you're high up Gerbil, are there things you could possibly do to change the way things work in your organisation to improve things for yourself and others? It's not good for any organisation for talented people to feel they can't go any further - it's hugely to their detriment in fact.

I have my own business, it's more that expanding would involve taking on larger contracts and subcontracting to staff, I've done a bit of that and it's hard work. I am a lone parent and have health problems so it's just out of my capacities at the moment.

Ah I see. Expanding is hard - I'm in the same boat. But I'm patient and I'm happy to operate at the level I can manage and then think about expansion later, or perhaps moving on to something else if I can't expand and I'm not happy with the business any more.

I've been working for 19 years. There were lots of developments initially but the last 6 or 7 years it's been stagnat. It's ok but I'm soooooooooo not interested. I've got 15 years before I can draw on one of my pensions and I'm putting loads aside so that I can in fact retire then. 15 years though. I don't want to wish away these days. I used to long for my 40's for the end of striving, the freedom and the financial stability. Now I'm longing for retirement. I understand that some people get so old and poorly that they long for death... so I try hard to find peace with it all but ffs.

OMG. I discounted my work prior to training in my profession. I've been working for 27 years. That's depressing.

MirriVan - me too. Only I went down the marriage + DC route. Still don't know what I'm 'for' as you say.

I worked full time for 9 years, then was a sahm for six years, then became a carer for my disabled dc. I didn't really like working full time and I liked pottering around at home in the sahm years, although it was always busy I managed to do some studying and craft hobbies. Being a carer is hard work, but I see my lifestyle as early retired now as I get the whole school day to myself when the dcs are at school, and do stuff like gardening baking and knitting. I'd rather give my time to my family than an employer.

leaving work does not mean boredom. I'm working part time but now have time to volunteer. It's great - I choose what I do and when I do it and cherry-pick the interesting stuff, and I can completely ignore the corporate nonsense.

Of course I don't get paid - but things that are fun either don't pay or don't pay much. In the 'real job' it was always living for weekends and holidays. That's how it is, it is called work because you wouldn't do it unless you got paid.

I'll never be rich and I can't afford endless clothes, coffees and all that stuff. Which is no hardship at all!

This post made me smile. My aunt is 70.. She does 1 or 2 days a fortnight at her nhs job to keep her mind busy but she doesn't love it. I have worked full-time for 17 years... Except for 4 months maternity leave in 2011 and 4 months mat leave so far this time... I have no idea what my future career path will be like but I am very unenthused about it. .......

So what about if husbands and partners said they'd like to lunch, go to the gym, do coffee and SAH?

You’ve missed my point. My DH would love to pursue his own interests too instead of working so many hours I’m sure! It’s not unreasonable surely to express slight envy at others who living a life that we would enjoy. I have never and would never suggest that I give up work to enjoy my freedom whilst DH slogs it out working. I accept my lot and absolutely realise that school hours are desirable and I am very lucky. But equally, I don’t see the harm in having little ‘I wish’ moments now and again. Let’s face it, wouldn’t we all like, for instance, the Beckhams lifestyle?

I'm 54 and gave up full-time work 20 years ago to become self-employed, and do some temping in between. I've no intention of working full-time ever again. I was so done with it all by my 30s.

I had some fantastic holidays and opportunities when I worked full-time. But I'm a home-bod in many ways. I love holidays but also love coming home. We had less money but still had the holidays, just not as regularly and not as plush. & I became an expert at sourcing free family activities, luckily there are so many in London. & I had time to indulge hobbies and just to be still sometimes.

Now that DCs are in their 20s life is easier. They're still at home, work and pay their keep. When they leave I plan to host foreign students as I will have a lot of space. I'm still self-employed and alongside that I now work as a Library Assistant on an ad-hoc basis, I choose when I can work. Spending my day amongst books = bliss for me. Not a high flying career at all, but I love it and that's what matters to me.

Im happy with my choices, they minimised life stress and gave me family time. Not that a high ying career, fancy car and holidays wouldn't have been lovely..! But to me it's not everything. I'm at home pottering about today, a little paperwork to do and that's all.

Life flies by. If we can get a chance to hop off the hamster wheel for a bit, why not

Not knocking those who work full-time btw. People do what they must in line with their own priorities and that's fine. 1 bugbear I had when full-time was mental load. Remembering appointments for myself and DCs, school stuff, activities etc, and actually getting there. Life was diarised to the hilt. I commend full-time workers for dealing with all that alongside. I found I simply couldn't, and that's without housework etc

MistressDeeCee your life sounds like mine.

I am mid 50s, work part time from home, spend a lot of time at the gym, supporting my family, walking in the woods, taking photographs, developing craft stuff.

I feel I have the perfect balance in life, in fact it has never been better and I am excited about the future.