Who should pay for this ?

[Everyotherweekend]

DSS might need some extensive dental work done. DH's ex took him to the appointment, called DH after and told him the outcome 4-7k. With the view of I'll send you the stuff let me know what you want to do. (ie how you want to pay for it) We currently pay generous maintenance, school fees and anything extra on top. Everyone works - shared custody. Completely appreciate he needs it done, no issue there. But a bit perplexed as to why it's up to us to find the money. Not for her to use the maintenance or for us to share the cost. AIBU ?

"LolitaLempicka

Maintenance covers living costs. If she uses it for dental work, how will she feed, clothe, house the kid? Of course your dp is responsible."
But same argument applies to the dad surely? Whoever pays also has to pay bills, food etc

That seems logical to me anyway

It astounds me the number of people who wrongly assume that braces automatically are free on the nhs to children. This has not been the case for many years. If there is a medical requirement for the teeth to be straightened, then yes, the nhs should cover it (but the qualifying conditions are getting increasingly tight), but anything cosmetic has to be paid by the patient.

Also if a country with no NHS aren't there dental insurance plans?
It's v expensive to constantly pay medical/dental for something you may never use. Most ppl don't need treatment on this scale so dental insurance isn't a given, esp for children. You often need to have had a policy a certain length of time before claiming, and it doesn't automatically cover everything. So it's not as straightforward as that.

So glad we have the NHS although I know dental isn't the same as other medical at least it's there.

The orthodontist won't start work until they develop a treatment plan and give you the exact cost. They'll usually take payments. I'd speak with the orthodontist directly. And, if you have dental insurance, it should cover at least some of it. My boys' braces were covered about 50%.

Don't think she can afford to pay, she never plans - her life is chaotic. She just expects us to front the cash

Then she can start planning or tell her DC that s/he can't have treatment because she couldn't be bothered saving and planning doesn't have the money. If that means she needs to borrow her 50% from somewhere then so be it. But bottom line, she needs to stump up 50%

My guess is that once she's told she needs to contribute 50%, then either the dental work suddenly won't be so urgent, or she'll find a cheaper option.

Either way, I think your DH needs to get a second opinion.

Preventative braces for straight teeth?

I would consider getting a second opinion as that sounds rather odd.

Completely blindsided. (As most things are) his teeth in my eye are completely straight. However this is a preventive measure

How very odd. I'd want to talk to the dentist myself before deciding on any course of treatment.

One of our DC's has just had extensive orthodontic work done. We deliberately don't have dental/orthodontic cover on our private health cover as all up, it would end up costing us more in the long run. The total cost is about 8.5 thousand (aussie) dollars. Only a fraction of that ended to be upfront, with the rest as a payment plan. There was a clearly itemised tax invoice, showing what we were paying for.

It was obvious from when she stared to get teeth that she'd need work done (but has ended up being cosmetic, rather than medical need) so it seems unusual that seemingly straight teeth need that much treatment done.

DH is usually 'throw money at the problem' as he doesn't want the usual - you can't get braces cause daddy doesn't want to spend the money on you type scenario. However their is an option to have them done as a teenager - my preference, as a lot can chance in 4 years. Right now our financial planning is going towards a planned and committed to overseas trip (dh, me and dss), IVF and potential mat leave. We hadn't really budgeted for this as his teeth have always seemed perfectly straight ! If it was just DH money I would say it's up to you. But it's not.

Both of my DC are having orthodontics in US, it is expensive but insurance covers a fair bit and the rest is done on an interest free monthly payment. They will need more work in their teens but it should be easier for them, after this stuff. If you think he doesn't need the work get dad to take him for a second opinion. A 50/50 split sounds fair, sadly DC often have un foreseen expenses. PP are right that costs are between parents and your income shouldn't be part of the discussions.

It should be split 50/50.
I don’t understand though how none is covered under phi? I don’t know if many if any systems where phi would not pay something towards orthodontics. Sure there is a big gap but it knocks a few thousand off then the remainder is split with the Mum. Not sure what country you are in currently but if you are paying for IVF I assume you must have phi so DSS would be covered under a family plan. I’m in Australia, that’s the way it would work here anyway. Similar in most other countries, US is more convoluted but he would be covered under either his mums plan (if working in a job with one) or if not your DH’s, basically whoever gets the best deal in that regard.

No, we have dental plan in US and all it seems to cover is 6mthly cleanings. Definitely no ortho work.

If he can have the wOrk done in his teens then wait, from what I’ve read, male jaws get bigger over the teen years and keep growing for quite awhile after so he may not ever need them. Definitely get a second opinion and then decide if you’ll do it, his mother is responsible for half the cost.

I’d also make sure to pay directly to orthod and get the invoices/ receipts. If she is this cheeky i’d Not trust her to say take the 4K treatment and tell you it’s the 7k so you’d end up paying or most of it anyway!

US dentists said our children needed all kind of things, which they don't need according to UK dentists, including lots of fillings and orthodontics. There are different opinions and different standards; it is not black and white. We went with the UK recommendations.

Why is your DH paying maintenance if it is shared custody OP? Is it 50/50. Also your DH really needs to ensure he supports existing children before creating anymore. Why do you pay anyway? Surely it is down to your DH, not you?

There should be an itemised account prior to work commencing, so your DH can determine his half of the cost. It would also give the exact treatment plan, so a second opinion can be sought. I'd be very wary of "preventative" dental procedures for pre-teens, as many dont have a great evidence base for actually preventing future issues (based on my own research from needing/being recommended preventative vs remedial work).

On a more cynical note, I'd be very sure to go by official quotes/ accounts, to ensure a) the work is actually done, and b) if your DH decides to go for the 7k option and pays 3.5k, and ex actually then gets the 4K option, then the split won't be 50/50! (I'm definitely projecting here - sorry!).

your DH really needs to ensure he supports existing children before creating anymore

He is.

So it's shared custody of the child, yet your dh pays maintenance on top to her, as well as all school fees? What exactly is she paying for? That seems very one sided. Also the whole 'you can't get something because your dad won't pay' is very childish of her. She works, she gets extra money on top for the child, has no school fees to pay and gets other things paid for. Why can't she buy him things too? He is her child as well.

As for the teeth I really doubt it's going to cost that much for straight teeth, even privately. Either the dentist is lying or she is. More likely the dentist really. Get a second opinion the next time the boy is staying over.

Your DH needs to go along with the DSS to a consultation if he’s being expected to even contribute.

In the UK most orthodontists don’t do early treatment to prevent needing further later and wait until all the adult teeth are present. So he needs to speak to the orthodontist himself and find out if there’s a chance this preventative treatment will definitely mean no further treatment is needed 4 years down the line with another large bill.

Also most practices will offer finance in the uk, that may be an option. The mother could take it out and they split the payments?

You say her life is chaotic. But do you know if she actually earns enough combined with maintenance if she budgeted for the braces? Afterall braces can wait a year or even 4 as you suggested if she could save some money.

I totally agree you are also entitled to your life and plans and shouldn’t just throw money at the problem. If she can’t pay, would your dss be prepared to give up something in other ways to help finance this? I also think getting a second opinion is an excellent idea and you would then also be able to speak to the orthodentist about waiting until you’ve saved some money to pay for it (or until he’s a teen) in a way that means you can still go ahead with ivf.

Does your dh talk to your dss about budgeting and finances? I think he should be able to counter what dss’s mother is stating.

I'd be asking for a letter from the dentist outlining the options first

Meant to say outlining what the treatment is and why he needs it

Maybe your dh needs laser treatment for the 'mug' sign on his forehead?

The mother sounds like she is having a laugh!

Why should you pay 50% and your DH pay 50% but she pays nothing??

Do you all work full time earning similar amounts?