Who should pay for this ?

[Everyotherweekend]

DSS might need some extensive dental work done. DH's ex took him to the appointment, called DH after and told him the outcome 4-7k. With the view of I'll send you the stuff let me know what you want to do. (ie how you want to pay for it) We currently pay generous maintenance, school fees and anything extra on top. Everyone works - shared custody. Completely appreciate he needs it done, no issue there. But a bit perplexed as to why it's up to us to find the money. Not for her to use the maintenance or for us to share the cost. AIBU ?

Were you aware that this expense was on the cards or has it come out if he blue? Has your DH discussed this situation with his ex before now or has she just demanded it without prior discussion?

Your income is not her concern. He provides for his son fairly and really your finances shouldn't come into the equation. She's trying to pull a fast one. There are two parents here, both are equally responsible.

Should be split between the parents, just like it would be if they were still together.

Hahaha- cheeky fucker thinks you’re liable for you stepson’s orthodontic work? Get her told- not your responsibility!!

It should be split equally between the two parents. Your household begin a two income one is neither here nor there.

Completely blindsided. (As most things are) his teeth in my eye are completely straight. However this is a preventive measure. .... even if he pays half. I pay half as everything is joint. So it will have a knock on effect to our money directly, which we haven't planned for.

I would say 50/50. Your earnings shouldn't come into it so the 2 wage household income isn't a valid argument.

Definitely split 50/50. She's a CF to suggest that because you have two incomes you should be paying for it all. You are not responsible for paying to fix her son's teeth! Her and your husband are. Tough if she doesn't like that.

Completely appreciate he needs it done, no issue there

But then you say his teeth are completely straight

I see it's not UK but certainly where we are in the UK, it's only coveted on the NHS where it's a severe issue - as a pp has said, the vast majority of children etc aren't covered now. I digress.

It's a joint expense between parents.

Why have you agreed to pay half of everything?

Yes - share all your household income costs but not surely costs related to his son? Do you pay half of his maintenance, half of his son's school fees? That's very unusual.

Get a second opinion from another orthodontist and whatever you decide should be 50:50 split between the mother/father surely?!

Me and exP had to pay for dsd's dental work, her mum refused to contribute as we were higher earner and thats the only way she would of been allowed to get it done.
50/50 is fair though, can she afford to pay half?

@TruJay because when I dr says you need something you trust them ! (Surely)

@PowerUp yes half of everything, we are married. In the same token if we are lucky enough to have kids then DH and I will share the cost.

It's half each for his parents. It affects you because you share a household but you committed to that when you married someone with a dependant child. He can't say, " won't pay because my wife will be affected"

Also if a country with no NHS aren't there dental insurance plans?

It should be extra to maitanance - unless she’s getting an excessive amount it won’t cover the full cost of raising the child, obviously she’ll be meeting the rest.

I would have thought the fair thing to do would be split the cost between both parents. I do get what you are saying about having joint bank accounts, but I suppose that’s the price of having a joint account with someone who has another child.

@upsideup I think that's the problem. Don't think she can afford to pay, she never plans - her life is chaotic. She just expects us to front the cash.

OK well if be getting a second opinion and explaining you're only paying half the cost. If this has come completely out of the blue that's just not acceptable- had your husband never known his son had such serious orthodontic issues? It all sounds very unreasonable- demanding £4-£7k out of nowhere for a problem no-one knew existed.

I'd be telling her to jog on, why should you pay it all? You pay maintenance so extra costs like this should be split 50/50 with her. It's not your fault she isn't married

What does your DH want to do? As you're paying as well you know you are allowed to have an opinion and you don't have to roll over and take whatever the two parents decide. I've seen friends who are step parents get a bit trampled on for fear of being accused of being the evil step parent.

So basically she wants you to pay half and your husband to pay half and she pays nothing. Can you see how ridiculous that is?

I can guess where this is, because a relative of mine lives there and also had to pay for treatment.

I think 50-50 is the way to go. How she pays her bit is up to her (but you may have to push that point quite hard!).

4 grand work on straight teeth?

Tell your DP to get a second opinion. The cost should be shared if it is necessary between the parents.

Why does DH pay maintenance if he has shared custody? DH and his ex should pay half each.

Well, why does he need to be done if his teeth are straight?? Make an appt with the orthodontist and ask them. If he needs anything, his parents split the cost. It’s not up to you!