To feel totally repulsed and horrified by this news item about my son's martial art club

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thechronicleherald.ca/novascotia/1551975-taekwondo-coach-suspended-for-disciplining-teen-n.s.-governing-body-conducting-an

I just randomly came across this news article about my son's martial arts instructor, and I feel really sick. I'm considering withdrawing him but feel that's not a rational response. Fees are also paid for the next three months. Son has been going to this club for several years, never any incidents - the instructor/owner always seems like a perfectly nice polite guy, never saw him yell or anything at students (unlike some other instructors there). What are your reactions? Thanks.

OP, how did you ‘randomly ‘ come across this? Surely everyone connected with the club is talking about it?

Absolutely shocked by some of the responses on here. I would remove my child immediately.

Pengggwn
If you knew your parents had forked out a fortune for years of tkd and lets face it patents who are ok with their child being beaten by a cane may not be entirely reasonable in other areas, you could feel it was the lesser of 2 evils.

Maybe he felt trapped between a rock and a hard place. Whatever his reasons they dont make it right.

Willow2017

Have I said anything that makes you feel you need to point that out?

Hi all- this is the OP with a different name keeping things interesting.

Thanks for all the answers.

In response to how did I come across this article and isn't everyone talking about it: I just googled the name of the club as I wanted to call them about the schedule, and this article popped up. I hadn't known at all, and DS didn't either. I do sometimes stop and chat about the weather etc with other parents when DS is there at practice, but it's not the kind of thing that came up in general conversation, and I don't socialise with any of the families out of the club. Generally I find the thump thump of the students kicking pads and the yelling of practice a bit headache-inducing, so I either go shopping or even just stay in the car (and nap).
Second, I agree with the cultish thing, but from personal experience of going there, it wasn't like that for us at all- DS does basketball too and his heros are the big name basketball stars. I started him on tkwdo a few yrs back b/c I thought it would be good for his confidence/he tends to be a bit woolly/stop him from getting bullied. It seemed to have worked on those accounts. He's not particularly talented or outstanding at it- he basically goes for fun 1-2 times a week. We are not a tkwdo "family"- though there certainly are several at the club.

Third- I have never ever heard of caning as an accepted or cultural practice wrt tkwdo- never any references to "getting the cane" or anything like that! Sometimes the other instructors would raise their voice "you NEED TO STOP" "QUIET!"- never this guy though! Never heard it being threatened etc.
Last thing- from the article, it seems like this took place at a party (that we were not invited to, thank god), not a regular class session. So presumably in front of a close, "inner" circle. Still does not make it ok, of course- just helps me understand a bit better how I had never heard of this disciplining and that it's not an accepted or standard practice.

It's really a shame, because if I had stopped to think about it, I would have said this guy was a good role model for my son- I am a lone parent, kids' father having fucked off to a different country a few years ago and we rarely hear from him.

I had actually noticed over the last couple of months the instructor had lost a lot of weight and looked suddenly aged- I had even wondered whether he was sick or something. I guess it must have been the fallout of this.

I don't think I'll immediately withdraw my son given that he doesn't even teach- but I think we have had enough of tkwdo for a while and might phase him out over the next couple of months.

This is a culture clash.

DD cousins is east Asia, also still children, frequently complain about us not "disciplining" her. They're not complaining about any specific things she's done, they just seem to generally object to the fact that they never see her being beaten. I've been told to my face that she's going to grow up to he a high-school drop-out and drug addict, because I'm not "disciplining" her.

I think the culture clash is more to do with him being Korean than taekwondo. Although it is pretty unthinkable to be disrespectful to an in instructor in any martial art.

I'm a "martial arts" mum and NEVER EVER would allow this to happen to my child/ren.

There have been times children in the class have "misbehaved" but the punishment is push ups/sit ups, if carry on they leave the class. Our instructor is not a push over, but he would never cane a child. THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!! (in uk)

If i heard he had caned a child/teen/adult/anyone really then my dc would be pulled out so quickly we wouldn't be seen for dust. Martial arts is a lot to do with respect....how can you respect someone who can only gain said respect though caning someone!!

My ds's tkd teacher is a woman and never has a problem with discipline. They get push ups/time out if they are not paying attention or messing about. In all the years we have been going she has only told 2 kids not to come back. They were both feral and parents had no control over them at all.

All the kids love her and she teaches through fun and putting in the effort but they all know if they step out of line they get disciplined by push ups etc.
They are expected to be respectful to the teachers and the higher grades at all times. Thats just good manners its not a 'cultish' thing. They have worked hard to achieve thier grading and deserve respect.

GnutherGnu yes I re-read the newspaper article, thoroughly this time and i realise that the caning incident took place without a doubt.
When I read it last night, I skimmed some bits, apparently !!

Yes, I would remove my child, even if my child's instructor was someone else unrelated, and even if the accused man is a several-times-world-champion-gold-plated-diamond-encrusted-God in that sport, who had never appeared violent before and is not teaching anymore. I would not keep my child in a club associated with such an incident. Otherwise it means you are condoning the violence against the child.

By the way, not all self defence clubs are cultish. My dd does judo in a very "democratic and fun-filled" club where several instructors have their own kids there. The classes are really fun; during warming up and cooling off times instructors make them do games like playing tags and wheelbarrow etc with lots of giggles and most importantly it's held in a massive hall with parents watching and giggling too. Instructors' own kids do not get any special treatment, they get told off just like anyone else. There is a great atmosphere of friendship and suppport there. Admittedly I'm talking about judo, so it might be different for tkd. But still, I cannot imagine any club of any sport where your child gets beaten up by the instructor and parents give written consent or show support.

Having said that I can see why people say these sports are cultish due to the unquestioning display of "respect" and bowing to the "masters" etc. As far as we are concerned, bowing to each other is a traditional ritual they do at the end of each lesson end and we don't think any more of it.

And i agree with some previous posters, in decent professionally run clubs, the punishment (for breaking the "rules" ) are either doing several sit ups, or push ups, or running around the hall 10 times with touching the floor at every corner etc. Nothing like caning, no unnecessary touching, no shouting on your face take place and there is no reason.

There is no such rule in any sport where corporate punishment is dished out by the so-called master. It's bullshit. I don't think it's part of tkd either.

We wouldn't smack our own children, how on earth it is acceptable for a so called "master" being able to use cane to beat up our children ? No way. It's criminal.

I'm glad UK is pretty good with child protection measures in such places.

mummyoflittledragons
The building where this takes pace is a shared dojo (dojan) used by 3 different schools. (At different times) One is TKD (with master Jung) one is Combat Hapkido (with master Mike) and one in Gungdo (not sure the masters name)
Each are different schools, different disciplines and desperate from each other.
They just share a school setting to save costs.
My so is in Combat Hapkido, so has nothing to do with the TKD, just aware of it as it was at the same location

NortEndGal
Thank you for the clarification.

"Tell your son that if he behaves he’ll have nothing to worry about."
Because no teacher with power has ever abused such power, no, never.