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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel totally repulsed and horrified by this news item about my son's martial art club

138 replies

userabc12345678 · 12/03/2018 21:24

thechronicleherald.ca/novascotia/1551975-taekwondo-coach-suspended-for-disciplining-teen-n.s.-governing-body-conducting-an

I just randomly came across this news article about my son's martial arts instructor, and I feel really sick. I'm considering withdrawing him but feel that's not a rational response. Fees are also paid for the next three months. Son has been going to this club for several years, never any incidents - the instructor/owner always seems like a perfectly nice polite guy, never saw him yell or anything at students (unlike some other instructors there). What are your reactions? Thanks.

OP posts:

PuntCuffin · 12/03/2018 21:59

I feel like I have stumbled into a parallel universe here with people saying, yeah, this is ok because he consented to it. And his parents agreed.

How on earth can anyone think that the public humiliation through caning of anyone is ever acceptable? Not just for the one who received the caning, but for those who had to witness it and listen to it.

I thought we had moved on, but there are people saying it's no big deal because children of their generation were caned. Yet, every time someone posts that they have smacked their child for disobedience, they get eviscerated.

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 21:59

It was in front of other children too. What sort of screwed upness would that do to you to go home after seeing another pupil harmed like that intentionally?!

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 22:00

The whole thing is sick.

Anymajordude · 12/03/2018 22:00

I'm absolutely shocked that there are posters on here who think it isn't a big deal!

LeighaJ · 12/03/2018 22:01

Did you read the whole article? 🙈

He wasn't going around just randomly caning small mouthy children, it was a 17 year old and both he and his parents consented.

Would I have consented to that for my child? Hell no, but all parties involved did and it looks like that means no crime was committed.

Otherwise a lot of people into BDSM would be in jail.

geekone · 12/03/2018 22:02

It doesn't matter if it was consensual or not. This kind of thing goes against the principles of Taekwon do. There are different governing bodies but all would agree this.

However the child should have been removed from the class for his aggressive and cheeky behaviour.

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 22:03

Yep. A 17 year old cautioned that or leave the school.and in front of the rest of the school.

I'm quite a fan of bdsm but what consenting adults in private do for kicks is very different to causing pain and humiliation to a teen in front of children in public. And knowing your parents consented. All sorts of wrong.

Original poster

userabc12345678 · 12/03/2018 22:03

"I'm absolutely shocked that there are posters on here who think it isn't a big deal!"

I know... I guess a lot of parents knew about this and were ok with it -I always drop off DS and then pick him up- but many others I notice stay and chat etc.- so I'm feeling maybe there is something wrong with me to feel so sick about it?

AND THAT'S THE OTHER THING- I am sooooo not comfortable with dropping him off and leaving him there now!

OP posts:

LeighaJ · 12/03/2018 22:05

I don't think it's right or should have happened, but it doesn't sound like law enforcement can punish the instructor. Nor does it sound like he is going around just randomly abusing kids.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 12/03/2018 22:05

Otherwise a lot of people into BDSM would be in jail.

BDSM is usually done in private, not in a sports centre with children watching.

If it was a punishment for the boy why wasn't it done in private with his parents present in the office or whatever? Why did they need an audience? Those other children had done nothing wrong, why did they need to witness a violent punishment on someone else?

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 12/03/2018 22:05

I know why, BTW- it’s to instill fear in them all. Disgusting.

Ouch44 · 12/03/2018 22:05

My DD and DS went to taekwondo until recently. Never heard of anything like this. I'd have had them straight out of there if I had.
My kids are a lot younger than your DS. I guess at 17 you could ask your DSs opinion?. I'd be asking for my money back though. I think you'd have grounds.

LeighaJ · 12/03/2018 22:07

If you feel sickened by it and never want your child to go there again then you have your answer right there. Doesn't actually matter whether or not strangers feel the same or differently then you about it.

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 22:07

How old is your son? Did he witness It? Presumably he knows boys that did? I couldn't cope with a culture where that's considered acceptable to be honest.

PuntCuffin · 12/03/2018 22:08

If you want to bring consent and BDSM/sex into it, in Nova Scotia, a person under 18 cannot legally consent to sex with a coach/person in authority over them. I cannot see how they could legally consent to be beaten by them either.

And did all the others consent to witnessing it?

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 22:08

It looks from the article like he will be suspended by the club organisation.

Original poster

userabc12345678 · 12/03/2018 22:09

DS is 12. No he wasn't there when this happened. AFAIK he hasn't heard about it from other kids- I'm guessing he would have told me if he had?

The thing is- he always has so much fun there.. ugh- what a horrible thing to think about :(

OP posts:

Ruffian · 12/03/2018 22:10

^“It’s assault,” the parent argued. “No one can consent to be beaten.”

But McIsaac said that is not actually true.

“Most often in the case of common assault if a person consents then it is not an assault,”^

I'm horrified that the Police and SS have taken no action - the idea that someone can be coerced in 'consenting' to be assaulted so that makes it legal??

Ouch44 · 12/03/2018 22:12

Just thinking of the Taekwondo oath they say at the beginning of each lesson.

"I must respect my instructors and seniors"
"I must build a more peaceful world"
"I must obey the tenets of TKD (these include self-control)

Just wrong!

LannieDuck · 12/03/2018 22:12

Dodgy as hell. The comparisons to BDSM are completely un-justified - that's between fully consenting adults who can stop it at any time with a safeword. And it's not done with kids watching!

This was a child (depending on whether 16 or 18 is the age of consent for this), who was told he could only stay in the club if he was caned. That's not free consent.

And were the other kids present given the choice of watching or not? Those aged 13 and below were sent to the changing rooms, but what about the 14-15 year olds? Were they given the option of leaving too?
Did they know what they were going to watch? Did their parents know that was going to happen?

Street2 · 12/03/2018 22:12

MN is funny sometimes. EBF, baby wearing and then caning by the grandmaster. lol.

OP, I would not send my child to a place where teaching is done by means of caning.

Do people really not know about the psychological scars caning causes? And lol at "Tell your son that if he behaves he’ll have nothing to worry about." Not even sure where to begin with this one.

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 22:13

He might not mention it if it is seen as the norm in his world. If you grown up thinking intimidation is normal you wouldnt notice it being odd if you see what I mean.

I'd think about a conversation with him and about how he feels about it all may be. It's a hard one. My instinct is to remove him and tell him why. Surely that attitude is thought his organisation.... But if he's happy and his friends are there..

LeighaJ · 12/03/2018 22:13

Oh geez it was a joke I obviously wasn't alluding to teens having sexual relations with instructors. Or maybe your mind just works...differently then mine.

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2018 22:14

I feel like I have stumbled into a parallel universe here with people saying, yeah, this is ok because he consented to it. And his parents agreed.

Same here.

It's barbaric and to think if he didn't agree to it, he would have been kicked out of the club.

Words fail me.

StickStickStickStick · 12/03/2018 22:14

The 13 year olds couldn't see but could hear :(

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