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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend bought the same dress for wedding

104 replies

felicitous · 12/03/2018 20:41

My friend from university is getting married this summer, I bought my dress about a month ago now (very organised for me! haha) and sent pics to a couple of friends.

One of them has now gone and bought exactly the same dress as me for the wedding. It's definitely noticeable that it's the same dress and she was a close friend from uni too, so it's likely that we will be sat together and spend a lot of the evening talking to each other etc.

AIBU to be a bit pissed that she's bought this dress? I sent her a pic of it recently saying I was wearing it for the wedding and she goes and buys an identical one.

What should I do? I do really like the dress and it's now too late for me to return it. I'd never outright tell her she can't wear the dress she bought, but I don't want to be sat right next to her in matching dresses. Maybe I'm petty but I think we'd look ridiculous - like fake bridesmaids!

OP posts:

FlouncyDoves · 13/03/2018 06:52

Just say ‘oh, so you’re planning on going as my twin?!’

honeylulu · 13/03/2018 06:55

I'd message her saying "haha you pillock! Check out my message/ photo from [date]. You've gone and bought the same bloody dress! Hope you've still got your receipt because i don't have mine"

That gives her an out if it's a genuine mistake or she is willing to face that she has been a pillock and needs to change it.

Then I'd send a similar "haha, you'll never guess what" message to the group of friends with screenshots.

I would then decide if i was going to wear the dress anyway. If I looked better in it, i would!!

LoniceraJaponica · 13/03/2018 06:55

Why do so many people care? I really don't understand why it is such a big deal.

bonnyshide · 13/03/2018 06:56

'haha you pillock! Check out my message/ photo from [date]. You've gone and bought the same bloody dress! Hope you've still got your receipt because i don't have mine'

^this is good

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/03/2018 06:57

Just be upfront. I like a simple text of ‘do you realise it’s the same dress as mine?’ Add a 🙈 or some such if you like.

Angrybird345 · 13/03/2018 06:58

As above!!!

Bekabeech · 13/03/2018 07:04

I'd mention it to her - if she is as daft as me she may not realise.

Okay to explain, sometimes someone could show me something. And I think "thats nice" but 'forget' about it. But then when out shopping I spot the same thing an subconsciously think 'that's nice', and consider buying it because I already think it's nice. Of course with a dress it might not suit me/be my size etc. But if I did buy it I would be horrified if/when I realised what had happened. If its a cushion or kitchen gadget, I might be a bit embarrassed and just apologise.

But if you point it out to your friend nicely in a "that looks just like the dress I bought for the wedding" way, then at least she has a chance to take it back.

BTW if you turn up to a wedding in the same dress as someone else, its best to make a joke about it.

SoupDragon · 13/03/2018 07:09

^I'd message her saying "haha you pillock! Check out my message/ photo from [date]. You've gone and bought the same bloody dress! Hope you've still got your receipt because i don't have mine"*

But that comes across as “you idiot, that’s the same as mine. You have to take it back and get a different one”

I think just pointing out it’s the same is the way to go.

JaneEyre70 · 13/03/2018 07:22

I've been at a wedding with the same outfit as someone else. We shared a smile and carried on. Didn't bother either of us.

Just make sure you look extra fabulous in yours, and get there first!!

Twooter · 13/03/2018 07:29

Text ‘ oh, you got the same one that I showed you that i’d Bought for the wedding!’

It doesn’t express emotion so you can laugh it off if necessary, but it may help her remember where she’d seen the dress before and then change it.

Twooter · 13/03/2018 07:31

Jane Eyre - slightlydifferent if

it’s a coincidence
it’s not the person you’re going to be hanging around with all night.

givemesteel · 13/03/2018 07:43

I'd point it out but in a friendly way, it's not worth causing friction over.

If she won't back down and the dress has still got tags on unworn and you only bought it a month ago then the shop will probably swap it for something else.

If it were me I'd be stubborn and wear it anyway, but only if my friend wasn't sticking thin / super hot (8 weeks post baby I could do without the comparison at the moment).

LegallyBrunet · 13/03/2018 08:56

I went to my boyfriend's sister's wedding wearing exactly the same dress as the bridesmaids but in a different colour. I had no idea, I could have died. The groom was really sweet about it; he called me an honorary bridesmaid.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 13/03/2018 09:04

Being honest - I would only care if I thought she was going to look much better than me in it.

RebootYourEngine · 13/03/2018 09:14

Did you message her?

specialsubject · 13/03/2018 09:16

'Nyah nyah nyah, you don't have any dresses...'

Hasn't half term been and gone?

Adults bothered about someone else in the same outfit need to get lives.

Shockers · 13/03/2018 09:25

I have a life, but I wouldn’t want to sit at the same table as someone with the same dress as me- especially when I’d shown that person the dress in advance. It’s not an huge issue, but it’s avoidable!

SmashedMug · 13/03/2018 09:28

Maybe, just maybe, what you were wearing wasn't that important to her and she forgot you had that dress? I swear, people think they are the centre point of everyone's lives at times

CoraPirbright · 13/03/2018 09:28

I would message her:
"Oh lord did you not get my message that I sent to everyone on (date)? See attached below. It's exactly the same dress that I plan to wear!"
And then leave it - she will see from your message (or be reminded) that everyone will know that you got it first & she is going to look weird.

PistFump · 13/03/2018 09:29

I'd reply in a jokey way 'ah great, we're going to look a right pair of plums sat together in matching dresses!' Or something like that?

ForgivenessIsDivine · 13/03/2018 09:34

I would reply and say, 'you do realise it's the same as mine???' we are going to look like we are trying to be fake bridesmaids'...

Rachie1973 · 13/03/2018 09:38

honeylulu
I'd message her saying "haha you pillock! Check out my message/ photo from [date]. You've gone and bought the same bloody dress! Hope you've still got your receipt because i don't have mine"

This works. It has a spark of humour in it.

Then I'd send a similar "haha, you'll never guess what" message to the group of friends with screenshots.

This doesn't. It just seems a bit bitchy

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 09:39

'haha you pillock! Check out my message/ photo from [date]. You've gone and bought the same bloody dress! Hope you've still got your receipt because i don't have mine'

It's not good at all, you'd look like a complete bitch.

SherbertLemon2011 · 13/03/2018 10:15

I would message saying...

Oh you silly! You sent me the picture that I sent you and our friends on (whatever date) of the dress I will be wearing and it wasn't the picture of your dress. xxx

MiniEggMeister · 13/03/2018 10:22

Just ask her if she realises its the exact same as yours. I wouldn't take much notice of what anyone else was wearing but if I liked it and forgot where I'd seen it I could totally end up buying the same without realising

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