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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend bought the same dress for wedding

104 replies

felicitous · 12/03/2018 20:41

My friend from university is getting married this summer, I bought my dress about a month ago now (very organised for me! haha) and sent pics to a couple of friends.

One of them has now gone and bought exactly the same dress as me for the wedding. It's definitely noticeable that it's the same dress and she was a close friend from uni too, so it's likely that we will be sat together and spend a lot of the evening talking to each other etc.

AIBU to be a bit pissed that she's bought this dress? I sent her a pic of it recently saying I was wearing it for the wedding and she goes and buys an identical one.

What should I do? I do really like the dress and it's now too late for me to return it. I'd never outright tell her she can't wear the dress she bought, but I don't want to be sat right next to her in matching dresses. Maybe I'm petty but I think we'd look ridiculous - like fake bridesmaids!

OP posts:
TheClitterati · 12/03/2018 21:47

you could reply "oh that's the same one I told you I was wearing last week. Just as well I decided it was unflattering and returned it or we would have been twins at the wedding - close call!"

and wait for her to change her dress.

Rainbunny · 12/03/2018 21:49

I would respond with a surprised comment along the lines of "Wow! You bought the exact same dress I showed you earlier that I have bought for the wedding!" Then I'd leave it.

If you really like the dress just wear it anyway. In your situation I'd do a secret comparison in my head about who will look better in the dress and if I thought I would look better I'd wear it anyway but I thought the other person would honestly look better in it than me I'd probably find something else.

I would still send the comment I wrote above because I'd want to make it clear that I had the dress first and while many Mumsnetters will tell you to suck it up, I actually do think it's poor behaviour to deliberately copy someone else's dress for a special occasion.

GreenTulips · 12/03/2018 21:53

Might have been subliminal!

But yes text 'Oh snap! Same as mine!!'

Gabilan · 12/03/2018 21:54

I wouldn't remember a dress someone showed me. Or at least, I might remember seeing it somewhere before but wouldn't think "oh yes, Jane's wearing that to Sarah's wedding, she texted me last month". It just won't have been as important to her as it is to you.

Just wear different accessories. No-one will really care.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 12/03/2018 21:57

Decide honestly who will look better wearing it....
If its you keep it, if its her then change it!!

MarvelleGazelle · 12/03/2018 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisyChainsForever · 12/03/2018 22:04

I would definitely say something. Let us know OP.

Krapom · 12/03/2018 22:07

Bluntness100 I agree completely. Also, I am useless with this kind of thing and could easily end up with the same dress as a friend. She will have tried on loads of dresses and been focused on which one suited her, not thinking about you at all. Any more than you would been thinking about anyone else when you chose your dress.

MIngerDynasty · 12/03/2018 22:07

She probably thought ooh nice. The totally forgot and saw it again and thought oh I like style without thinking of why.

DON'T wear it too, you'll look like bridesmaids.

Casmama · 12/03/2018 22:09

I would either say “I know you said you liked my dress but I didn’t realise you liked it so much you were going to buy the same one”
Or “ha ha, can you imagine if you’d bought the same dress as me after I messaged you about it a month ago! What did you really buy?”

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 22:14

And add the bride will go apeshit. And then call the bride

Is that a joke? You are so much weirder than someone who bought the same dress as someone else!

QuimReaper · 12/03/2018 22:16

Don't do either of the things Casmara has said, just ask her if she realised it was the same one you've bought. It still might be innocent.

Wdigin2this · 12/03/2018 22:20

If there's a meal the night before the wedding, wear it to that, and buy a totally different one for the big day! Everyone will think she borrowed your dress!

LoniceraJaponica · 12/03/2018 22:20

"Never get why this matters. Just laugh it off."

I'm never bothered if someone has the same clothes as me. I just compliment them on their good taste.

I think you might message your friend and say something along the lines of "oh good, you have the same dress as me" or something similar. A light hearted way of letting her know, rather than something confrontational.

snewsname · 12/03/2018 22:41

Get her to change it by making sure she knows that lots of people have already seen photos of your dress and they'll know that it is her who is the copycat.

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 22:41

some of you people are truly horrible for such a nothing reason. I wouldn't worry about your friends wearing your dresses, since I doubt you have any!

Casmama · 12/03/2018 22:58

Pawpatrol I think some of the responses might have been tongue in cheek- mine certainly was- rather than things people would actually say or do!
I’m sur the OP has the sense to read the range of replies and then make her own sensible decision.

FinallyHere · 12/03/2018 23:02

I'm never bothered if someone has the same clothes as me. I just compliment them on their good taste.

^ this

Oh, and make sure you look great in yours...

pigeondujour · 13/03/2018 06:21

If there's a meal the night before the wedding, wear it to that, and buy a totally different one for the big day! Everyone will think she borrowed your dress!

That would be beyond mean! There was someone on here whose mum did that to their stepmum at the OP's wedding rehearsal and the stepmum had been the OW so it was justified, but it's that level of petty.

Just screenshot the bit where you sent it back to her and add a laughing emoji, OP. She'll probably be mortified and change hers straight away.

NerrSnerr · 13/03/2018 06:29

If you like the dress then wear it. I imagine she forgot about the picture. Where is the dress from? If it’s a dress in season from a high street shop surely there’s a good chance of someone wearing the same.

Bluntness100 · 13/03/2018 06:32

I'm not getting the no one will care thing, I'd care, if would we weird as fuck at a wedding to be sitting at the same table wearing the same dress. 🤣

TidyDancer · 13/03/2018 06:39

You have to mention it. I couldn't willingly go to an event knowing I was dressed identically to someone else, especially if it's someone that I'm likely to be sitting with.

curiousitykilledthekitkat · 13/03/2018 06:41

I sent my choices of 3 dresses to my friends that I was thinking of buying for a wedding.. one of them, they knew someone else already had bought it to wear for the wedding.
I wasn't sitting at the same table as them and didn't actually speak to them that day - but knowing they were wearing that dress, I took it off my options!

Definitely tell her it's the same.

TheTab · 13/03/2018 06:50

You absolutely have to tell her this is the same dress you sent her a few weeks ago.

She probably saw it In the shop and thought she had seen it somewhere before and loved it, but forgot where. You can't just turn up in it, she will think you have copied off her!

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