Letting preschoolers play in their bedrooms unattended - AIBU?

[GinnyJumperoo]

DD is three (as of last month) and we recently had her bedroom redecorated. She has lots of room to play and a lot of her toys are in there (her favourites are downstairs in the living room and we rotate them every so often). I don’t tend to leave her playing in her room alone. I’ll do chores upstairs so I can keep an eye on her and I’ll pop up and down every few minutes.

Whenever we go to my friends house, my DD and her four year old daughter disappear up to the playroom to play. I hate it and I can’t relax. I’m always popping up to check they are ok. My friend clearly thinks I’m overprotective.

I genuinely have no idea. I’m quite happy to be told I’m being pfb and will moderate my behaviour accordingly but DH agrees with me.

How old do you think is a good age to play unattended?
Not being snarky, genuinely interested

I would probably say 4 or 5 but I may be completely unreasonable with that. I’m not saying I need to hover and watch her every move at three, I just like to keep an eye on her

I think it's fine to play in their bedrooms at that age tbh. Mine generally preferred to play where I was, but they would play in their bedrooms when they had a friend around.

My DD is 3.5 and plays in her room with her friends/cousins. There's often some issue which needs attending to at some point - usually a squabble over a a toy! What are you worried about happening?

I’m not even sure. Maybe that she chokes on something or climbs on something I guess. She isn’t really a big climber and has never been one for putting stuff in her mouth so I have no idea why

As DD is 2.5 I'm v interested to hear what people think is the right age for this.

My current worries are that she's still liable to fall down the stairs (we just moved into a Victorian house with very steep stairs after being in a flat all her life!) and that she'll wander off into the bathroom or our room and manage to grab something she shouldn't (however hard we try to keep Everything out of reach!). But I'm thinking by age 4 these risks should be hugely reduced? I'm sure I used to trot up to my room to read and draw at that age.

My four year old plays in his room sometimes. He's usually just looking at books, or playing with lego. Our house is pretty small though, so I can call up to him and hear him most of the time anyway. If he's up there playing with friends, I can definitely hear them...

The worst thing that has ever happened was an incident with a bean bag. There is no more beanbag.

Mine have both played in their bedrooms alone from when i felt they were safe on the stairs. DC1 was just 2, and DC2 was a bit younger than that. Our stairs are visible throughout the house (small house!) so that probably made me less worried.

Yeah she can do the stairs but she’s not very confident. I do like to watch her on the stairs

DS is 3.7 and I encourage him to play in his bedroom by himself.

I'll potter about coming up and downstairs and give him a shout to ask him things like if he wants a drink etc but he's quite happy with his toys and playing make believe

What about getting a baby monitor and have it on low, so u can hear them if they need u?

My just 4 and 2.5 year olds play upstairs unattended in their bedrooms all the time. Friends with similarly aged children are also happy with it.
Big furniture is screwed to the wall so I’m not worried about climbing.

Personally I think there was sufficient difference between DDs capabilities/sense at 3, 3.5 and now 4. At just turned 3 I'd have been much like yourself and hovering a bit. Now at 4 I'm thrilled if she wants to play on her own upstairs and let her get on with it. Our stairs aren't that steep though which makes a difference. She can get at anything in our bedroom/bathroom so anything that would require an A&E trip if ingested is kept safely out of reach!!

there is no more beanbag 😂

I think I’d be glad of the peace but I guess I could be being irresponsible! My dd plays out of my site sometimes now and she’s 18 months.

My dd turned 4 in January and I'm very much like you op. I would potter around upstairs while she played there but there was never a need for me to be downstairs and leave her upstairs for more than 5 minutes. About 6 months ago we had a couple of play dates with new friends where the kids took mine off upstairs leaving me and the other parent downstairs. It did put me on edge a bit. Just in case they swallowed something, or fell or pulled something heavy down on themselves. Now she's 4 I'm more relaxed and I think over the next 6 months (by the time she starts school) I'll be at the stage where I'm completely happy for for to play in her room alone for extended periods.

My 2 1/2 year old plays on his own upstairs whilst I am downstairs. I can usually hear him as he is quite noisy and chats to himself, if it goes quiet I pop up though (usually means he is in the bathroom!)
He has been playing on his own since about 2.

My 3.5 year old likes to play by himself in his room sometimes, I will usually pop up every now and then. He has just started playing with friends/his cousins unsupervised too. They are very quick to come down and complain if they are upset about something!

I'm a single parent - I'd have got nothing done, ever, if I couldn't let my DCs play on their own for a bit sometimes. I just made sure all furniture was safely attached to walls, small toys that could choke were only used under supervision and they couldn't get to anything sharp, medications, bathroom stuff and so on. Basically their room and the living room where they played is as child safe as possible. I'd check on them often and used a baby monitor when they were under 3.5 ish. Easier with 2 of them in some ways as they'd alert me if the other had s problem. Harder in other ways as it would usually be one causing problems for the other that I needed to intervene in! We'd never have eaten of I couldn't let them be out of the room I was in though.

My DC used to play on their own, out of my sight since they were very little - probably when my youngest was about 18 months old? They're thick as thieves and have their own little world. I can't remember when DC1 started to play in his bedroom on his own. We lived in a very small house and I didn't keep many toys in his bedroom but he's always been very independent and I had a very demanding newborn to deal with when he was 2 so I imagine it was about then. Everyone has their own comfort zone but as long as the toys are age appropriate I don't see any harm.

My 2 year old has been doing this for a while. But we’re in a flat so it’s just the next room and I’d be in and out.

I think it depends on the child, and what is in the bedroom.
My friends DC would play nicely and not touch anything they shouldn't.
Mine would dismantle the furniture, quietly and efficiently, and possibly take up the carpet while they were at it.

Mine played on their own at home from about 2 maybe a little younger. Either in their bedrooms or in the living room.
I'd supervise them a bit more at other people's houses but not massively.
Once I 'lost' DS1 in the house, he was asleep in a cupboard and once DD climbed in the middle of her easel and I could hear her but not see her for a while which she found hilarious.

I leave my 2 and 4yo and similar age friends. I will go check if it gets suspiciously quiet.

By themselves, I'm happy for them to play out of sight from about 2.5. Obviously duration goes up with age.

However, not necessarily on a play date. Very much depends on the friend he's with, but my ds1 so far has proven he has no control whatsoever when he's overexcited, so at 4, I'm keen for him to play in my sight when with other people

Take it from an old hand - my concern would be pens/biros/felt tips/ making sure your make up is locked away/ all shampoo etc is out of reach and taps turned off.