Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Letting preschoolers play in their bedrooms unattended - AIBU?

63 replies

GinnyJumperoo · 12/03/2018 14:36

DD is three (as of last month) and we recently had her bedroom redecorated. She has lots of room to play and a lot of her toys are in there (her favourites are downstairs in the living room and we rotate them every so often). I don’t tend to leave her playing in her room alone. I’ll do chores upstairs so I can keep an eye on her and I’ll pop up and down every few minutes.

Whenever we go to my friends house, my DD and her four year old daughter disappear up to the playroom to play. I hate it and I can’t relax. I’m always popping up to check they are ok. My friend clearly thinks I’m overprotective.

I genuinely have no idea. I’m quite happy to be told I’m being pfb and will moderate my behaviour accordingly but DH agrees with me.

OP posts:

OutyMcOutface · 12/03/2018 15:19

I let mine play in bedrooms alone but that’s because I know that the woman dies are childproof, all the dangerous stuff in the bathrooms is out of reach etc. I would feel a bit uncomfortable in someone else’s house because you cannot be sure that they have taken the same precautions.

VioletteValentia · 12/03/2018 15:19

I think it’s fine. My 2.6 year old does this, however my house is small enough for me to hear if he moves out of his room.

TenGinBottles · 12/03/2018 15:24

Yes, I let her, but did check every 5 minutes or so. No pens/pencils in the bedrooms, or scissors after she cut her brother's hair or anything like that. I always kept my bedroom door shut so she couldn't get in.

Having said that, I did run pretty fast when I heard "Look DS, look! I a helicopter!"

All our furniture is fixed to the wall. Just as well seeing as she climbed to the top shelf of the bookcase...

SoupDragon · 12/03/2018 15:24

Does she sleep along in the room at night in a bed? That isn’t really a whole lot different as she could wake up and play with things.

I would go up and check occasionally at 3 - and anytime it went quiet!!

BeyondThePage · 12/03/2018 15:27

please make sure any furniture is fixed to the walls first. It only takes an instant.

thehairyhog · 12/03/2018 15:29

My dd’s room is gated & child proof so I’m happy for her to play in there independently -though I can hear her easily (and have monitor if needed). I might pay a bit more attention with a couple in there to make sure all ok, but I think I’d be fine with just an ear out for them, maybe pop up now and again. Might depend on the children!!

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 12/03/2018 15:29

Mine didnt play in their rooms as we made the dining room into a playroom

I did send 2 year old ds2 to his room with a full bottle of mr sheen to start his dusting while i answered the door...i got distracted and when i got upstairs it was an empty bottle, sooooo

And you should have seen what he did with the sudacrem

Just an example of a child that probably shouldn't be left alone...ever

But i would think 4ish would be fine depending on the child and their playmate

phoenix1973 · 12/03/2018 15:30

From 2ish.

InDubiousBattle · 12/03/2018 15:35

Mine are 2.8 and 4 and they go upstairs to play in their rooms . I have a monitor on so I can hear them though.

Cambam2010 · 12/03/2018 15:36

I would love for my DS to play in his room. He's almost 8 and refuses to go upstairs or downstairs on his own. He is not very good at independent play. He has so many untouched toys as he would rather sit on a gadget in the same room as me or follow me as I'm working.

Chugalug · 12/03/2018 15:40

I've raised 4 and I never left them alone in bedrooms till 5/6. But then we had a playroom.so no need

Avasarala · 12/03/2018 15:40

I'm in a bungalow, so I was happy to let them play on their rooms at that age because if they ever came out of the room, I'd hear them and be able to see them in the hall by just popping my head out the door of whichever room I'm in. I could also hear them easily. If anything sounded different from their toys, I'd be there in a flash.
I'd have been different if they were upstairs- so I completely agree with you!

ItchyKondera · 12/03/2018 15:41

I think it depends on the child, and if they are with friends. DS 4yrs is perfectly fine playing by himself in his room and has done for a while... once you get a couple of his friends involved it gets more raucous - nothing dangerous, but things like getting ALLLL the toys out, tipping out the puzzles and so on.

We do have Nest cameras in his room and his 1 yr old sister so we can watch them on the camera (and really handy to rewind in the case of arguments)

Chienrouge · 12/03/2018 15:41

We have a playroom but they still like to play in their bedrooms.

upsideup · 12/03/2018 15:42

I have a 3 and 4 year old, they go off to the playroom or each others bedrooms and play unattended all the time, fortunately and unfortuantely I can always hear them though. I cant imagine having to supervise then 24/7, how would that even work?

rocketgirl22 · 12/03/2018 15:43

If the bedroom is child proof, and I assume all are and I would check before leaving my child. Then I think it is totally fine to play together at that age and should be encouraged.

Early independent play is very important and you will find she will be far more content as she gets older. You are also giving her some strange signals that somehow she is not safe by quietly hovering. This will also interfere with their play and ruin it. My dc would play for hours in their 'world' and a parent can easily break the spell just by being there.

You can listen to them from downstairs with the odd check now and then is plenty.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 12/03/2018 15:45

My DD played happily to herself from about 2.5. DS I wouldn't let the little bugger out of my sight until he was nearer 4!

MIngerDynasty · 12/03/2018 15:52

I made their bedrooms and the house reasonably safe and leave them to it. I know a lot of people don't subscribe to "baby proofing" as they think the child has to learn their boundries but in my experience what that actually means is mum becomes a human baby gate.

So dangerous stuff up high. Plug sockets hidden by furniture when possible. Chemicals locked away. Bathroom locked if they aren't potty trained.

People who have multiple young children as I did can't keep an eye on their children all the time anwway.

Enidblyton1 · 12/03/2018 15:57

At just three I would agree with you. We once left 3 year olds unattended and came upstairs to find toothpaste all over the bath!
My younger DD has just turned 4 and I don't worry any more - assuming there are no low open windows or unsteady furniture.
I think there is quite a big difference between 3 and 4 - hence why your friend doesn't seem particularly concerned about not supervising her DD.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 12/03/2018 16:14

What on earth do you do in the morning,my DD used to wake at first sparrow fart and would play on her own until she got bored and would wake me or prize my eyes open.No way was I getting up to keep and eye on her.If her bedroom wasn't a safe space nowhere was.

JennyBlueWren · 12/03/2018 16:26

Been trying to encourage my just-3 yo to play in his room alone but I think he prefers to have company.

Oblomov18 · 12/03/2018 16:29

I totally disagree with most of the above posters, and do not see why a much younger child can not play unattended, if you are happy, and they are happy.

What harm do you think is going to come to them?
Both my ds's played happily, at a young age, as I pottered around the house, putting away washing etc.

Original poster

GinnyJumperoo · 12/03/2018 16:31

I’m usually up before her in the morning. She loves her sleep

OP posts:

childmindingmumof3 · 12/03/2018 16:37

I'd expect typically developing 3 and 4 year olds to be able to play unsupervised in an averagely safe children's bedroom.
I didn't let DC1 play upstairs alone at 2 but when dc2 was 2 he'd play unsupervised with dc1.

TIRFandProud · 12/03/2018 16:42

We let ours from about 2.5. We had a starigate to make sure they couldn't get to the third floor and toilet seat latches on all the upstairs toilets.

Playdates are never upstairs but that's because children turn into arseholes when they have friends over.

Flip

1 2 3