Letting preschoolers play in their bedrooms unattended - AIBU?

[GinnyJumperoo]

DD is three (as of last month) and we recently had her bedroom redecorated. She has lots of room to play and a lot of her toys are in there (her favourites are downstairs in the living room and we rotate them every so often). I don’t tend to leave her playing in her room alone. I’ll do chores upstairs so I can keep an eye on her and I’ll pop up and down every few minutes.

Whenever we go to my friends house, my DD and her four year old daughter disappear up to the playroom to play. I hate it and I can’t relax. I’m always popping up to check they are ok. My friend clearly thinks I’m overprotective.

I genuinely have no idea. I’m quite happy to be told I’m being pfb and will moderate my behaviour accordingly but DH agrees with me.

Ginny I'm so glad you started this thread as I was wondering the exact same thing about my 3.5 yr old earlier today. He's my oldest so it's a new question for me! Place marking to read more tomorrow as it 10:16 where I am zzzzz

DD has happily entertained herself playing with her Sylvanian Families/Dress up stuff in her room since she was 3.5. She seems to be the exception among her peers though stealth brag ahoy! but has developed this ability due to my health issues which have led to her being rather more independent. I keep craft stuff (glitter/glue/feathers/card) permanently out and between the above mentioned, playmobil and Disney dolls and trampoline outside she can happily while away a day!

I don't see a problem leaving 3 and over alone assuming it's not a mansion where you wouldn't hear the kids? surely their room and house should be childproofed and safe anyway? but I have met other parents like you feeling anxious about 4 year olds alone playing upstairs.

I was happy for DD to play up there from about 3.5. She doesn't like to play on her own though (now 4.5) so I still don't get any peace!

I would absolutely let my 4 yo play in his bedroom alone and would have done so too whenever he was three. My 18 month old however, is an absolute menace who I wouldn’t leave alone for a second especially if she somehow gets hold of a pen from somewhere

My 4 and almost 3 year old play in their rooms unsupervised, and have done for some time. Furniture is screwed down, windows are locked, and they have age appropriate toys. We don't tend to shut doors, and I'm pottering around, but I think it's good for them.

In contrast, my 2.5 year old nephew isn't allowed out of eye sight of his parents.

From about 3 I think. Mind you my two used to wander off together from 2ish but everything was on the ground floor and they shared a room so I wasn’t too worried.

How do you start to encourage dc to play in their bedrooms? We have a playroom so all the toys are naturally there, and I don't want to 'exile' ds1 to his bedroom especially given he's got a baby brother who I need to stay with, so I never want him to feel shut out.

But I also want him to start playing in there at some point - he's 4 now. Does it naturally happen when they start school, maybe?

Why does he need to play in his bedroom if you have a play room?

I'd be encouraging playroom for play, and bedroom for bed. No need to exile him at all.

My dd is 2.5 and she plays by herself sometimes while I'm doing jobs around the house or having a shower (with door open) etc. She always knows where I am and comes to find me if she wants too.

I wish mine would play on his own! He’s five and it still doesn’t happen

Ds from about 3, but I can hear which room he is in from downstairs, from 2 he has played in his room with a closed gate but now he free ranges round the house. Not keen on it on at friend's houses, we were at a school friend's house and the mother just called 'don't go in my room' to my DS who would have no idea which room was hers! I know my son well and I know he has no self control and an appetite for danger :D

‘How do you start to encourage dc to play in their bedrooms?’

I think it’s easiest when it’s just part of your regular routine, eg at certain time of day. Not that it matters if it’s bedroom or playroom I suppose! Dd plays in her room after breakfast while we get ready each morning (we can see and hear her, and both pop in at various points to get her ready too) and then late afternoon/early evening while I do a little bit of work and cook her dinner.